my boyfriend and I met three months ago and have been officially dating for a month. He mentioned wanting a threesome and at first I thought it might be interested but now I don't want to.
he doesn't know that. anyway, he has said before he realizes it'll probably never actually happen but he makes jokes about it and I know its a fantasy of his. I'm sure he doesn't love me, I mean it hasn't been long enough. But should I assume he doesn't care for me? should I assume I'm not enough? should I assume he doesn't want our relationship to become serious? or should I just assume he has fantasies and let it go?
Update: the thing is I'm sure if the opportunity came along he'd want to try it...but the chances of that opportunity coming along are about 1% haha and I think he realizes that
4 months ago
If you don't want to, say no. Don't bend yourself out of insecurities. Fulfilling someone else's wishes by going against your own will only create internalized resentments, which is not a psychologically healthy thing for you to do. Be honest and open about what you want, and not want. If your boyfriend is a mature person, he will respect and admire you for that.
It's just a fantasy and nothing more. Just blow it off. Fantasy are just that...fantasy. I mean you two should explore some other fantasies you have about each other.
The thing is I'm sure if the oppunrunity came along he'd want to try it...but the chances of that oppunrunity coming along are about 1% haha and I think he realizes that. so what does that mean? - 4 months ago
Answerer
Why do you think he would take the chance if he got one? - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Because I asked him like if he would, and he said yes. but like I said he also knows at the same time the likeihood of that really happening is slim to none - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Then again saying youd like to do it and actually doing it may be different. I mean my boyfriend has never even had a one night stand before. like he's never had met a girl, had sex with her, and never talked to her again. Plus as I said based on the couple/people we are its very unlikely a threesome could ever occur. so since he knows its most likely won't happen maybe it is just a fantasy - 4 months ago
I mean he never pressures me. I mean I said at first I was okay with the idea(even then he said he didn't think it'd happen) but I haven't mentioned I changed my mind...maybe I should.
i mean neither he nor I even know how a threesome comes by. My boyfriend doesn't drink(and refuses to hook up with anyone after they drank) and I'd never hook up with any of my friends...so if it has to be a sober, safe, clean threesome that doesn't involve our friends...umm yeah I don't know how you'd do that. haha - 4 months ago
Answerer
You should tell him how you feel about it. Indeed , with a threesome one of the three might feel excluded at a certain moment and worse if it is repeated. How threesomes happen? Best not with friends, (few friendships will resist) rather with someone you meet and with who you sympathize both but one of the partner usually has to pick and present to the partner that third one. IMHO four in a bed or/and partner swapping in one room with a couple you meet during a vacation trip will come easier. - 4 months ago
Tell him that him mentioning it so often is not fair to you. That it makes you think that he will always be focused on this. We speak about what's on our minds. Ask him how would he feel if you kept talking about having a guy in a threesome with you. And yes, it is the same thing, if he says that it's not the same thing.
If he keeps up at it just post him up as a sex addict who will never be satisfied with just one woman. That's not what you need and not something you want to base a relationship on. If you end up married, you know that he would try to find threesomes or go to swinging places with or without you. As his curiosity grows, so will his seeking the fulfillment of those fantasies.
As his curiosity grows, so will his seeking the fulfillment of those fantasies." Or not: we had a few propositions for swapping, I liked the women's looks, but I declined, knowing that my wife isn't in for it: she would maybe have done it, but there was always the risk of her regretting it later (I know her very well;)) - 4 months ago
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