How long should I wait?

So many things to think about here. Like crashmonkey said, if you don't get married of have kids will your life be unfulfilled? I would say that if you are happy, faithful, and in love, what would that piece of paper change. But what I am hearing is that he just doesn't want children. I understand that! I would date and marry a woman that had children, but I don't want to have anymore. If he said he would probably be ok with marriage without kids, maybe you should do that. Then after some time passes bring up maybe having a child. Or you could just become pregnant, although I wouldn't advise it.

I've learned that the magic "fish or cut bait" time is two years. By then you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone or not. You have been EXTRAORDINARILY PATIENT and I would have given you the same advice 4 years ago. Some guys (and girls) never learn what they have until it's gone. Oh well. If you're 31 then you don't have so much time to re-start the search for a suitable mate. Sorry to sound clinical but...

Of course it's your call but he's had PLENTY of time to milk the cow while sitting on the fence. Force the point or don't but it's your dreams that fade if you don't. Good luck.

You are indeed in a very tough spot. I think you can distill the problem down to a simple question, tough. How important are kids and marriage to you? If you never got married and had kids, would you feel like your life was unfulfilled? If the answer is yes, then you need to consider leaving him.

He's correct in one respect. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone who doesn't want those things. But you are absolutely doing the right thing by telling him exactly where you stand. No one likes ultimatums, but I don't feel that you have any other choice in the matter.

If he can't commit to the things that you NEED, then it's not meant to be.

Anaskathia,

You are in a difficult situation for sure. I think you did the right thing by laying everything on the table and letting him make the decision.

Has he said/explained why he would prefer not to have children? Some individuals have a phobia because of what they see, hear, or childhood etc. So perhaps if the two of you talked more about the why-not aspect you'd have a better understanding of his fears. This would lead to another discussion where you could show/explain to him the joys of parent hood and perhaps put his mind at rest.

I don't think you should leave him, you love him, and I know that he loves you. He might be afraid of the commitment because he's afraid he might not be good enough or that he loves you so much that if you guys ever did get married and something bad happened that he might get his heartbroke (divorces are not fun and very traumatic which I assume you already know but just putting it out there)

. As for the kids I personally know how he feels, I'm still young I know but I fear ever having kids because I'm afraid of not being a good mother or that I'll lose my temper with them. Etc etc. So that could be one of his issues he might be afraid that he isn't going to be a good father, or he might just not really know what to do around kids. People fear things that they don't know or understand.

So certainly don't leave him, and just talk to him about maybe doing some research on marriage and kids, it might help his understand the issues and concerns that you each other have. I bet you anything he has talked about it in his therapy.

I know the type. Wait another maybe 2 months and ask him what he thinks about being a father and try to convince him that it's what you want and that it will make you both happy! Try this and if it doesn't work, say that we should be apart for awhile because we don't have the same interests!