Ok so my fiancee and I have been having a lot of problems. Back around Valentines Day I found out that he was going onto websites and talking to all these women, I found it went back way before us but still. At one point he had tried to set up for a "special session" that would have cost $300. He claims he never did anything, and when I found all of this I went nuts. It absolutely broke my heart because when I would question him about things he would always deny it and turn it around to make me feel guilty. We are back together now and I do love him more than anything, but now it's just a matter of building that trust back. I am having a hard time, it was still just months ago but he keeps pushing when will you trust me, it's like it can't sink into his head that he f*cked up royally. I am trying my hardest to trust him, and I do believe he didn't do more than what I've found but how can you move on. I've never been one to give second chances and I only am trying with him because that's how much I love him and don't want to lose what we have. Am I nuts or is there a way to learn to trust him again?
I tried explaining that too him but he just keeps pushing. He is doing things to try and fix it, he is going to a counselor and all that but it's just I don't know what to do. I love him but I'm at a loss more than anything. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I went through I similar situation and it took her a long time to build that trust back.
like your boyfriend I kept pushing and pushing for her to trust me again until I realized I'm the one that messed up and I can't expect that from her, so I just stopped pushing. your boyfriend needs to realize this too and give you time . - 4 months ago
Question Asker
I don't know that he will realize it which just breaks my heart even more. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Just let him know to give you time. . . there's nothing that can really be done - 4 months ago
Ok so you got mad at him for doing something before you guys were even together? That's not fair to him if that's the case..
Unless he's done something to lose your trust while with him..then it's up to you if you want to forgive him and move on. But in reality it's all up to you because no matter what he does it won't change the way you think. So if you really want to trust him..you have to give him a chance.. and that means .. Don't start assuming things right away , don't accuse him of things without knowing the facts.
This is tough but if you do love him and really want to trust him again it might just take time. If the love you have for him is real then you to have to trust into what he is saying is the truth. And I'm not trying to make you feel guilty but it is hard for him having the women he loves not trusting him for something that happen a while back. Just ask yourself do you love him and if the answer is without a doubt yes then try and give him a second chance.
Well that's the thing I haven't given him crap about the things he did before we were together...ive only been concerned with what was happening when he has been with me. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Oh!? In that case it'll just take time until you can trust him. Try and tell him your feelings and that it may just take time for you can trust him. If he is the one, he'll realize how he messed up and will be willing to try and work things out with you. - 4 months ago
You made a mistake in taking him back so quickly. While you love him and want to move forward in your relationship, you are obviously not over the betrayal you experienced, and trust is the most important aspect of a relationship. Without it, you don't have one.
You have two choices when you've been betrayed: break it off, or totally forgive and go back to the relationship with the mindset that the past is in the past, never to be brought into the present or the future. It's hard either way, but there really is no in-between, as the middle area is full of jealousy, control issues, and bad blood on both sides.
So basically, you have to search your heart and make a decision. Can you truly forgive and forget, and return to what you once were? Or are you guys permanently damaged now, never to be able to get over what happened? Take some time by yourself and think about it, very hard. Because this decision is the make or break of your relationship. Because if you really cannot forget what happened and return your trust in him, then it's over. No matter how much you may love him, without trust, you guys aren't in a relationship.
If you love him that much and were willing to give him a second chance then you really can't be throwing stuff inhis face. You decided to give him a second chance I wouldn't have but you did so give him one and if he messes up again then you know you did what you could.
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