Me and my fiancé had our first child 9months ago and she still hasn't gone back normal..She just doesn't enjoy anything 2 do with sex from kissing etc.. And she feels like I'm nagging her into it but I'm just being normal..
It took three years for my normal sex drive to return after having a baby. It was more than just postpartum depression (which lasted for about a year), it was exhaustion, stress, coping with everything that came with having a child. Babies are not easy to care for. Sex is not a priority during the first year after birth - YOU are not a priority after giving birth. The baby is THE priority. That's how moms operate. Be patient - I know your needs are "important", but you're going to have to give her a break. Let her come to you when she's ready to have sex again. Don't push it or blame her - how she feels is "being normal" as well. Help her out, let her sleep in, take the baby out, let her go out. Help her get back to normal sooner by giving her the breaks she needs. Sleep, alone time, adult only time. Bugging her about it will only give her more stress. She shouldn't have to take care of you while she's trying to take care of a baby. If you're concerned about postpartum - talk to her doctor about it at her next check up. More likely though, she's just tired.
As a man it's hard for me to hear this to but you are correct. We aren't going to be the priority for a while when a baby comes in the picture. I read about this in the book "The Female Mind/Brain" It's simply nature taking it's course. Don't push it. Patients is sooo key here and the problem is I can't speak for myself.
ps. That's why I'm not getting married for a while, I want all of my crazy sex stories when I'm younger so when I get older I'm not as desperate for it when she isn't. - 4 months ago
I agree with what WaitingAtTheDoor has said about postpartum depression but I'd only recommend that you approach the topic carefully. Most women don't even know that they are suffering from it and would find it highly offensive if her husband made the suggestion that she was. It may be safer to enroll into couples counceling for the purposes of creating a better sex life. Together, with the help of a professional, you can get to the bottom of what exactly is causing her low sex drive and you can work towards fixing it.
All answers below are good and it's totally understandable that she's just wiped out tired and she just had a baby which dominates her every waking moment. Except for those waking moments when she realizes that she's a Mom without a husband and no assurances of anything in this world except that she's going to have to care for a baby forever. I'm sure that you had 'some' reasons for not marrying her before she gave birth but, whatever those reasons are, right about now they Suck so asking for more or better sex is really self centered. listen to the advice others have given and give her a break on ALL chores, on baby watching, on dishes, on everything and then convert her from fiance' into Wife and see if there's a difference. Good luck.
With a 9 month old, she's probably also beat tired much of the time. She'll be more receptive to you if you are making a decent effort around the house and with the baby. If all the cooking, cleaning, baby feeding, baby rocking, baby changing, laundry, etc is her job, and you're doing a 9-5er, then sorry pal, but you ain't gettin' any. Another thing is that she may be put off by childbirth experiences. Trying to painfully shove a basketball through a 2 inch opening is not an experience easily forgotten. The post-partum depression could be a factor here, and counseling is a good suggestion.
Oh, and if she feels nagged, find another approach because that one's doing more damage than good.
Very well said. also she might be worried about how her body has changed through childbirth. the birth of my daughter was rather dramatic and I was in pain for a long time..and then I was worried whether sex would still feel ok after pushing a baby out.. - 4 months ago
The above are very good sources on what's called Post-Partum Depression. This is triggered by giving birth typically and can cause irrational flows of brain chemicals which can lead to a lot of unusual behaviors of the person suffering from it.
One of the major complaints of couples is the loss of motivation, and one's sex drive.
There are some ways to manage Post-Partum Depression, and I would highly suggest that you conduct detailed research on the topic, discuss with your fiance what you have discovered, ask her if she would like to talk to a medical professional about it.
Reassure her that you're aware she doesn't feel like "herself" and that it's ok and that you support her in any decision she makes.
She probably knows something is wrong and doesn't know what it is and is scared. So be her rock, not her knight. She doesn't need rescuing, she just needs her partner to be by her side and let her take things at her speed.
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