I've been seeing this guy (age 22 and 4 years younger than myself) for almost a year now, on and off. The on & off comes from what I call his "running" episodes. We've never called it a relationship but it's one of those situations where everyone says you're together except for you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I went to sleep beside him one night and woke up the next morning to find that all the imperfections I saw in him the night before were now the things that were perfect about him. My heart didn't give me a choice in the matter. I fell in love with him whether my mind and logic wanted me to or not. After confessing my feelings to him. Of course he ran, said he didn't feel the same and we shouldn't see each other anymore. That lasted about 2 weeks and he was right back in my arms again. He's never told me he loves me tho he's never admitted he doesn't. He's pulled the running stunt several times since the first time and always finds his way back saying the same thing every time. That he was stupid. Didn't know what he was thinking. Missed me. And doesn't want to be away from me. Of course every time he runs it's a blow to my heart and I hate wondering not if but when it will happen again. So the last time he ran, 3 weeks ago, I gave him an ultimatum. Make up your mind what it is that you want. If I need to move on & forget about you let me if not put me in your life and leave me there. Two days later he tells me that no one compares to me. That no one else makes him feel the way I do. In his words, "I'm beginning to realize that I truly am afraid no one else will ever make me feel this way and that it's never been how or why or even when with you. It has nothing to do with quality. It's just you. You make me feel the way I do". Then tells me he doesn't want to be with out me and wants to start seeing each other again. So here I am now. Trying to figure this guy out. I see the I love you's in his eyes everyday. But still nothing spilling across his lips. Is this guy just scared of commitment? Is he scared to love? And if he truly doesn't want the same things I do why won't he let go? Why won't he let me let go? How do I approach this situation. I'm afraid to question him too much or pressure him on answering all these questions. Because I know jack rabbit is in his genes, and he could run again at any moment. Should I stop being so analytical and be patient with him? Or is it time to throw in the towel and be done before another year has passed and I'm still in question. What are some ways to know when a guy really loves you and cares for you but just isn't quite comfortable enough yet, to say it? Advice here please! Thanks <3333
I think it's obvious already that he loves you, but isn't comfortable enough to say it. The more relevant question is: is that enough to keep him committed to you? Seems like it isn't. Yet. You can either put up with his constant "running", since he isn't ready to stop yet. Or you can do something to make him see how much he really does (or doesn't) love you. Start seeing someone else next time. I'm serious. Or if that's not an easy option, just don't take him back, and tell him that you yourself need some time to explore, perhaps see other people, and just see what other courses you have in life, since he's not a sure thing.
You're always there for him, and he hasn't honestly been confronted with the option that you won't be. Show it to him.
First of all, easy, Mlle. You are clearly pouring your soul out here.
Secondly, from what you describe, this boy loves you deeply. I know, because I can see my behavior here, from years ago. This young man definitely cares for you.
His problem is two fold: He's young, and young men especially are terrible about expressing their feelings. Sure, he can easily tell you you're hot, but it's hard for him to say "I love you more than any woman", because men in their 20's tend to have "fear of commitment".
If this man really loves you, he will (1) talk to you often, daily if possible (2) SHOW you monetarily, emotionally, or physically (all guys are a little different about this) and (3) when you look him in the eyes, you will know. Trust me. You will sense it, too.
Thanks.. I believe you're right.. I don't doubt that he loves me at all... It just confuses me with all the running away and back again. Patience does seem to be key here.. the question is.. after a yr how much longer can I expect to have to wait? - 5 months ago
I am a man, to know whether he loves you there is three simple ways: is he chilled out in front of you, does he frequently say I love you and does he see you often? Please answer my submitted question. I hope you have a nice relationship!
Yes he's chill in front of me. Aside from this subject. We talk to each other about everything. No inhibitions. He's has no prob physically showing me he loves me, he just doesn't say it. So never on the I love you deal. We're together 2-3 times/week - 5 months ago
I have to admit that I find it hard understanding that guy. Any way you have to think about it deeply, the most important thing here that you are sure that he loves you as much as you do! If we already assumed its true then the next thing to worry about is how to get his attention to something called "commitment", yeah I think your man is one of those that able to love share and give his woman the sweetest moments she may ever want but at the end of day he can't commit to her. Some people are like that but you can solve it out by pushing him, by changing him. I know that you are worried that if you go so far in questioning and pushing him you may loose him but some times when you show some demands for your partner he may start listening to you and mays tart thinking also about your relationship.
In my opinion I think you have to calm down and relax, show much confident in your self in another word don't show that you need him so much, try to turn his request for seeing you down the next time he ask for it then wait a couple of days and see what will happened. If nothing happened then give him a call, flirt with him little bit and try to deliver the message of how much you miss him! Once again he may ask to see u, and another time you have to say no, try to find any reason. Let him feel how much you are important to him, let him see how much is good to be committed to some one.
If every thing went fine and that guy really loves you! He will come out of his shell and start asking about the reason that you are away of him and why you keep turning his request to see you down, simply all what you can say "I don't want to get hurt any more! " and then you can start discussing the point or the problem that he keeps running from you every time. So why don't you give it a try and push him indirectly to admit that what he used to do "running away" is bad and to give him the feeling that it is time to be together and to be there for each other when ever you both need and without running away any more. It may be hard on you and you have to be patient but should leads to something at the end. Wish you good luck :-)
I see your point and I'm not negating that your approach might, indeed work. But the trouble with that approach is that I'd have to forfeit my spectator status and join him in the "mind" game. Is that really what I should have to do to get my answers? - 5 months ago
Answerer
Well, so far you are involved in that game except that you are not playing, as if you were away on the bench. If he plays a game then why don't you find out and start playing! You may get your answers at the end, what do you think! - 5 months ago
You've already told him that you loved him (which is not the best move you could possibly make), so if he really wants you, I don't see anything inside his psyche that would hold him back from confessing his love to you. I'd look more into his life and see what's going on with him, any issues he's dealing with, crisis, does he have another woman, etc. He might not be in the best situation to be able to make a love commitment right now.
If everything is fine and dandy, he could just be playing with you, although those kind of words that you reported usually come out of a guy who is desperately in love. Plus, you see the love you're and his eyes everyday, If you're still not satisfied after looking more into his life and what challenges he may be facing, or what personal issues he has, then.
You may or may not be comfortable with this, but confront him in a quiet setting and, after being quiet toward each other for a minute, ask "Do you love me? " His answer should really tell you so much more about what's going on. Kiss him as he's finishing his answer, if you want to uncover more what he truly feels for you. I think in a relationship like this, you have to take charge and lead him, otherwise you're gonna see what you've always been seeing.
WOW. This sounds like the EXACT situation that I am in, only you are lucky that he came back this last time. Personally, I don't think it's worth it. Maybe you are supposed to be together in the long run- but for now, if he is going to continue to hurt you- why bother? Don't let a guy take advantage of you like that. He doesn't realize what he has until its gone and that's not your problem. I know it's easier said than done to say forget about him, but sometimes- it saves yourself a worse heartbreak in the long run. BUT. If you truly love him and you really believe that he loves you too, then other people's advice should not matter. Do what is going to make you happy and what you think is best for both of you. Just try and keep your feelings in mind while making your decision.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same situation. My heart goes out to you it really does. Only someone in this exact situation can truly empathize with what you feel. I feel like an alcoholic in a sense and he's my booze. I have to wake up everyday and make a conscious decision about whether I want to continue to spend another day of my life wondering. And waiting. Thus far. The pain of not knowing is far surpassed by the pain of being without him. So I stay, yet another day/. - 5 months ago
I've been going through the same thing with someone older for quite so time now too...it could be that he loves you and is afraid you might hurt him if he admits it (not that that's true) or it could be he wants to keep playing the field (but even if that's the case it doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you too) Its hard to say what you should do...on one hand you deserve a guy who will be there unconditionally. BUT if you feel that he is "the one" wait it out and hopefully he will come to terms that you are the only girl for him. If he truly cares about you, he will be scared to lose you
He's treating you this way because you're letting him get away with it. He knows he can keep running off and coming back, because you've taught him that you'll always take him back. You've invested more in the relationship by telling him how you feel, and he is now holding all the cards and keeping the upper hand. That's not fair.
It's time for you both to be honest with each other and yourselves. The next time he comes to you with his stories of how great you make him feel, and how he was an idiot to run away, call him on it. Tell him he has to prove it by sticking around, and that this time if he doesn't, that's the end of the line. If he walks out one more time, just keep walking.
This way, you have stated your position clearly, but it still gives him a chance to prove himself. And no matter how hard it is, stick to your guns and don't let him try to get around your resolve. If he truly loves you, whether he says it or not, he will know he is on his last chance and will do the work it takes to deserve having you in his life.
We broke up three months ago and we have talked for two but this third month we haven't talked at all does that mean that he doesn't want me no more!
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