I started seeing this guy at the end of May, and I admit I was the one who said it was casual. Friends and sex was all it was supposed to be, I just got threw a whole lot of drama and he had just finalized his divorce(she left him for another guy). Well, I noticed him always hanging around the house with my roommates, who are all guys, and started staying every night. He started holding me in bed and giving me kisses every morning. He started texting to see what I was up to, and always called when he got off of work. But whenever we were in public, he'd act like he barely knew me. He says he cares and he actually told me his feeling for me scare the sh*t out of him because he didn't want to be in a relationship for a while because his ex-wife hurt him so bad. So know, I moved. Only an hour away, but I had to move because my roommate kicked me out cause he didn't like this guy I was seeing and didn't want him around the house anymore. The last night together was very intense, it was like he actually wasn't scared anymore. However, now he doesn't call or text me unless I contact him first. I haven't said anything to him for 2 days and he still hasn't called. Is he just done with me or what's going on? I totally found this guy by accident and we ended up really going for one another, but know I'm not so sure.
I really, really think you need to back away from this guy for now. Here is why: He is still hurting from a previous relationship, he is grieving over a marriage that has ended and may have trust issues with women for awhile. His mind is cloudy and unclear because he is going through so many emotions right now. While this might not be his fault directly, it's not really a good idea to get involved with someone who is hurting this bad. He doesn't know what he wants now, he is unsure of his feelings and he is highly vulnerable. This puts you in the position of being the potential "rebound" and getting hurt.
Give him space and time to work his personal life out. I cannot tell you how long because it really will depend on him. Stay focused on yourself, your life and hobbies. If you should see him in public by chance, be cordial and smile and that's all. You need to keep moving forward because he cannot offer you anything solid right now.
You're right. He told me himself he really doesn't trust any girl at this point. He was so in love with his ex- wife and she crushed him completely. I really can tell he cares, but I know he's not ready. I just hope that he doesn't forget me, and when he thinks he's ready...I'll be the first girl he thinks about....Thanx - 2 months ago
Why is it that every question posted on this site, relating to a so-called "friends with benefits" arrangement, ends with somebody getting hurt, and almost always the woman? I am sorry for the heartache you're going thru, and yes, the guy was using you. I'm relatively old, but I haven't lived a sheltered live by any extreme (spent most off it in the music biz, so I've seen a bit), but nothing as fabulously warped and inplausible as the"FWB" charade. Men and women are designed to fall in love. They are hard-wired for physical and emotional attraction.
Well it started out like that, and when I told him I felt like he's ashamed of me he got mad. He was working on it before I left. He said he just isn't that big into public display of affection and he was worried I would hang on him so.... Thank you for your answer though...I guess if it's what I need to hear. - 3 months ago
Answerer
Ok, but wait! It IS a two-way street. Maybe you could be a little less touchy-feely in public? I can totally understand that mentality. It's like, I don't want everyone to be knowing we're such an intimate couple, because to the wider world he likes to keep a calm, composed, tough exterior. That's kinda of how men are, but you may be able to work through it if you are respectful and communicative and open. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
No no no no...I don't cling to him at all in public. I keep that behind closed doors. The only time I hug him in front of any one is when we have a little bit to drink at the house...not at bars. If he slaps my ass I think I can give him a little one armed hug....I don't get kissie or anything, I usually rely on him for that...and he comes through most of the time. - 3 months ago
Answerer
Ok, so... is there a problem exactly? :) - 3 months ago
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