Ok I am 23 years old, and I know that one day I do want to get married (before 30 years old, but close to that age). I know you may be thinking why are you putting an age limit on marriage. Well the answer is I want to be a mother some day and have a family and I refuse to be popping buns out of the oven at an old age. I have had an abundance of relationships that didn't go anywhere so lately when a guy is interested in me I tend to tell him my thoughts about the whole issue. I don't go searching for guys or love but if they approach me and are interested I let them know how I feel which is the following. I know that I want to be in a long term relationship for at least 4 to 5 years before I tie the knot. I want to experience as much of life with my significant other as possible to make sure they are the right one for me, through trials and tribulations. I don't believe in divorce so I feel that time is needed to get to know the person and make sure its true love. I feel like most marriage ends because people don't spend enough time getting to know each other and are surprised by their significant others behavior afterwards. Also they end because couples are too lazy to put in the work it takes to work out issues in a marriage. so with this said I only enter into serious relationships with people I can see myself with from now on. I use to just date people for mere excitement regardless if they were right for me or not. I just wanted to have fun. But now as I get older I am starting to think I need to start dating people seriously if I want to have a long lasting relationship that will lead to marriage. I usually lay this out to a guy I am dating seriously so there is no confusion and he knows what I want in the beginning. That way if he is scared and doesn't want the same things he can just leave and not waste my time. Am I wrong for laying this out? A lot of people say I am looking for love and I shouldn't do this , but I don't like dating a guy for a few months and finding out that he doesn't want the same things I want. I witnessed a friend of mine date a guy for 5 years just to find out he NEVER wants to get married or have kids. They ended their relationship and she found out that she wasted her time. My time is precious I don't want to waste it on nonsense. So I like to know up front if a man is on the same level as me. Am I wrong?
I would appreciate the honesty, myself. Also, I think it's a good thing to know what you want in life. Those people that flounder around just living day to day usually don't get anything accomplished. I'm still somewhere in between the extremes myself, but starting to plan more.
I had an experience where a woman was just out of a five year relationship where a guy wasted her time, and I we were going to meet each other. I decided against it since it seemed I was just going to be the replacment guy. Anyways, I share that because I can understand wanting to get marriage right the first time. You don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't have the same goals, and also you want the marriage to be real and have meaning.
If you think being blunt with guys in general is making you unhappy, maybe tweak your outlook. Be friends with those that are able to be just friends, and let the others who want a romantic relationship know your goals and standards. If you shoo too many guys away, you might lose a possibly great guy (our life goals and wanting a family change later in life than women).
Your not wrong, it's an opinion. I think it's all a matter in expressing yourself to feel out where the guy is coming from, on his perspective. It's only fair. Ease into the conversations about it, so you don't scare people right away or give the wrong impression, and if it's something to be worked on together, by taking it in steps, then go for it. Maybe along the way, the guy could have an idea or two that helps your perspective, you never know. But I wouldn't build up an entire expectation in one conversation, there's to much thought and feeling on an unsuspecting person, who may not understand your viewpoint, and get scared. That's where the give and take is, in communication between partners, instead it could feel like an choice he is forced to make, or given that impression.
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