This is a long story. 8 years ago I had just got out of a battered relationship and meant my now boyfriend. I was really screwed up and taking lots of drugs. I was really mean to him because of went I had gone through in the past. A few months into our relationship he had to do 20 days in jail. While he was in there I slept with his brother,did all kinds of drugs and made out with neighbor. I was a horrible person, I was strung out and suffering from battered wife syndrome and PTSD. I was not in love with him at the time. I was just to screwed up for that. I confessed to him a few months later.I felt so bad by this point I had fallen in love with him. He said he forgave me. I said I would never cheat and here it is 8 years later and I have never even kissed another man. However I continued to do lots of pills and drink and talk to people I shouldn't. There was even this one guy that my boyfriend hated because he had wrote a statement on him(also an ex of mine)He found out I had hung out with him the night od.I was a horrible person back then I did so so much wrong. At one point I wouldn't allow my boyfriend to go out of town to his friends wedding. Then a month after I hung out with that guy I decided I was going out of state to my friends wedding. As you can see I did everything wrong to him. He was always good to me with the exception he was always telling me I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. What a loser I was and etc.. He was very verbal abusive for what I had done,but I just kept doing drugs. I was the worst person to live with.However I never cheated on him again. I didn't want another man just drugs.
After I can back from the wedding he was still really mean to me. Yelling at me for let some old guy come around me. OK skip ahead a few years I have been sober for 5 years now. We have a 4 year old girl. Our lives our completely different. He still yell at me for everything I have done. For going to that wedding with out him. For sleeping with his brother and etc. I have been sober for 5 years and good to him. He just couldn't get over the bad person I used to be. He just is constantly bringing it up and being mean about it. I have always put up with it because I felt I deserved it. I just found out he cheated on me when I was in fla at that wedding. He picked up a girl at a bar and took her to our house. He never told me about it. His brother told me last week. He admitted it.
So for the past 5 years while I have been sober and good he has threw the past in my face. Meanwhile he had a dirty secret. I had asked him a few times. He would look straight in my eye and say he had never cheated on me.
When he cheated on me we had been engaged for 6 months. We had been together for 2 years. I did what I did to him in the first 3 months of our relationship. I confessed a few months later. He lied for 6 years to my face. My life has done a 180 5 years ago.He still brings up my past. Now I find this out. What do I do?
Ohh...my god dear what to suggest to you ...i feel sorry for your situation but same time you will get same what you did in past ...its like a time of wheel comes back to same point ...its a high time ...wakeup dear ...try to have a good life what ever happens happends don't repat the same...rember one more thing " Eye to an Eye" is not the solution of a problem..."Eye for an Eye " can be a solution in decent and professional manner...change your way of thinking ...move with good peoples follow good books and come out from this painfull situation ...live ahppy life make your life beautifull by doing good things...
Your relationship seems unhealthy. Sometimes when you become sober and change your life you need a fresh start. I think you made a bad choice to stay with him rather than start on a new, happy page. He is no better than you were to him, the difference is, he's still bringing you down, while you have changed and have learned to be good to him. I suggest, though I know it probably won't happen, that you move out, get your own place, and start finding a relationship for the new you, not holding on to a relationship that was for the old you
HEY THERE YOU NEED TO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! I THINK HE HAS DONE ENOUGH OF THAT FOR YOU YOU CAN TELL THAT JUST BY THE WAY YOU TALK .YEAH WE ALL HAVE A PAST THINGS THAT WE ARE NOT PROUD OF .THERE ARE PREACHERS THAT HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS THAT YOU WENT THROUGH, AND TURNED THERE LIFE AROUND. YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SO FAR. SOME PEOPLE DONT EVEN MAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU HAVE YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED . THE REASON HE SAYS THOSE THINGS HE FEELS GUILTY FOR WHAT HE DID SO HE FLIPS IT ON YOU. A LESSON I HAVE LEARNED THE ACCUSER IS THE DOER PLAIN AND SIMPLE. I KNOW THERE 2 SIDES TO EVERY STORY. YOU ARE DEBATING WEATHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD LEAVE BECAUSE You FEEL BE TRADE . BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU FEEL THAT YOU DESERVE IT FOR ALL THAT YOU PUT HIM THROUGH. ALL I CAN SAY NO MATTER WHAT HE DID OR YOU DID IT THE PAST EITHER HAVE TO EXPECT IT OR MOVE ON TO SOMEONE THAT YOU CAN TRUST AND FEEL SAFE WITH IF YOU CAN NOT FEEL THAT IN HIM
It sounds as if this relationship isn't healthy and you both need to go your seperate ways and move on. He throws the past in your face because he felt guilty for what he did. It seems your whole relationship is destroyed and it has been from the beginning. What both of you did was wrong and for me, it would be something I could never get over so it would always be an issue. If you can't get over the past, what is the point in a future together?
It sounds like he has been scarred by events of the past. I think that he is doing these things to subconsciously "punish" you for how he was treated in the past. I think it's wrong and he needs to recognize HIS behavior is wrong, along with his lying and overall treatment of you. He needs a wake up call.
You have worked very diligently to take back your life and get sober. That took tremendous strength, dedication and determination. I think he needs to recognize this if he hasn't already and process it.
He might not be able to get past the past. I think you need to decide if you want to salvage what is left of this relationship. If you do then both of you might need couple's counseling to deal with the issues at hand. Otherwise, you need to determine if he is a "healthy" choice for you now. If you think he is then you need to have a heart to heart talk with him. Either he changes his behavior and treatment of you to save things or maybe you need to move on. The decision is yours.
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 2 months ago
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