Is it right for her to find her old lover online?

Yes - it is a bad idea to talk to any one you have a history with when your in a relationship. It's all well and good to SAY you are just friends. But we all know that it is hard to stay that way when you had feelings for them before.

You don't HAVE to be your way. Instead, it could be okay for you to trust her, and if she's trustworthy, then she can be in contact with anybody she wants. Because nothing's going to happen IF she's truly trustworthy. Know that most people who would WANT to be with former boyfriends like this (dinner, drinking, dancing) are NOT trustworthy at all, btw. But that doesn't automatically make her a cheater.

However, its equally okay for you to take your current stance. You believe that a close friendship with a former lover is too much for you to handle. Fine. That's you. Let her know what you need (you already have I think). She has a choice to respect your boundaries or cross them.

Here are the possible outcomes:

1. If she respects your feelings, and is trustworthy, she will choose your relationship over this former love and end it. No cheating, no secrets. Problem solved. But this isn't very common or likely. (if she was really so respectful, she wouldn't have gotten started, and she would have stopped when you made it clear it bothered you. )

2. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, but is trustworthy, she will choose to keep seeing this guy, not cheat, and now it's up to you to deal with it or end it with her. This is possible, but also unlikely. What you do next is up to you. Either get used to it, or let it bother you to the point that your relationship will suffer and something will need to change.

3. If she is not trustworthy, then automatically she doesn't respect your feelings. She will definitely cheat with him (or someone else) regardless of what you do.

So the bad news is that girlfriends (or boyfriends) that act like this are most likely going to cheat, and most likely inconsiderate.

The silver lining is there is a small group of trustworthy, caring people out there that wouldn't have cheated with anyone, and when you explain that you can't handle her friendship, your partner is so caring that they give up "friendship" with former boyfriends for the sake of your current relationship. That's your only shot at getting what you want here.

Or change what you want; can you do that?

Dude, that ain't right. It sounds like she is looking for something that you can't (nor should you want to) provide. It sounds like she is just interested in attention from MANY guys, not just one. If you're not into sharing then you should play a different game.

I agree. There is no reason to stay in touch unless you want to get back together.