I'm the other woman in an affair. Actually it only happened once. So I do not know if that actually constitutes an affair. It just started and I don't know what to do. And I'm ashamed to admit that its with my best friends man. They're not married. Dating three years. Never thought I'd have an affair. And never thought I'd stoop to this level.
It's very complicated. 2007 was a terrible year. My boyfriend of four year dumped me in January 2007. Said he wasn't the marrying type. Bet you could figure out what happened next. He was dating somebody else a month later and engaged by June. As for me, I hadn't been with anybody in over a year! No dates. No sex. Nothing.
The relationship I have with my friend is even more complicated. She's always been their for me. And was there for me in this situation from the beginning. But there are also negatives. She's very pretty and she knows it. Always has a man. Was married for 10 years. And when not married always has a boyfriend. She's can be superficial and materialistic. Very vain. And very into appearance. Kinda mean behind people's back. Mostly about looks. I've never been married and have only really had two boyfriends
With this situation she was comforting to me in every way. But recently, some of her consoling got kinda mean, I think. Critiqued by looks, clothes, weight, hair. . . You name it. Told me "You have to take care of yourself if you want men to take notice. " The worst part is she's right. I have let myself go since then. And I don't mind if she mentions it or drops hints because that would be kinda helpful. But she oversteps big time, I think.
About a month ago, after a particularly harsh conversation with her, is when this happened. She was away for work. I was chatting with her guy online. We're kinda good friends and she knows we sometime chat. So that wasn't a really big deal. But I started to confide in him and complaining about her. We spoke about an hour and he said let's go out and talk about it. We never made it out. We spoke in my apartment for about an hour. He was EXTREMELY sensitive and nice. And it just kinda happened.
I know - terrible excuse. First of all, I should have seen it coming. Anybody could have seen through what he was aiming at. But I did not. Afterwards I realized how dumb I was.
It's been magical. Maybe cause I haven't been with anybody for so long. It's doing wonders for my self esteem, even though I know he's using me. It's also nice, in a weird sorta way, to think that when she's being her critical, b***hy self that I can think "well your man doesn't seem to think that way. " LOL. Are those normal thougths?
On the other hand, I realize what I'm doing is wrong. He is using me. She's still my friend. She has faults, like anyone else. And she does seem genuienly concerned about me.
Well hun I'd like to start out by saying you're only human. We all do things that we regret but learning from these things and not repeating them is the first step in forgiving ourselves. I feel that you should tell your friend because who knows how many other women he's been cheating on her with? If she's a truly good friend, she'll understand why you did it. You were at a low point and her efforts to help were thoughtful, but mean. You turned to him for advice and he took advantage of you. Explain it to her and apologize and pray that the friendship is salvageable. If it isn't then at least you'll have a clear conscience.
And your feelings about the situation are perfectly normal, but try not to say them aloud lol. I really hope this advice helps and I admire you for realizing that what you did was wrong and not repeating it. I'd forgive you if I was your best friend but everyone is different. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best.
You need to stop talking to this guy ASAP! Then you need to tell her. Tell her exactly what happened. Make apologies and tell her that if she still wants to talk to you then she can reach you. Don't call her after and don't initiate any contact. If she wants to talk then she will call you. If she ever talks to you again then keep a safe distance from her boyfriends.
Truthfully, if you do decide to tell your friend about what happened, most likely she may feel too betrayed to associate with you for a while.
But honestly, it will relieve the burden of the secret that you're carrying with you, and though you may lose a friend out of this, at least in the end you were fair to both her and yourself.
Wow. you should tell your friend the truth if you truly care for her, you wouldn't let her unknowingly stay with a cheater, who will probably do it again. Even if she throws away the friendship, its the right thing to do. low blow. Low blow.
Very tough. The way it sounds I'm not even sure if she is a true friend. But what you did was wrong(I know you know that though) and telling her is going to end you relationship most likely,but if you don't she will be with a man that isn't faithful. No woman deserves that,no matter how much of a B**** she might be. So I think you either walk away from the whole relationship with both of them. Or you confess and be prepared for the worse. I know when you go through tough times you don't think of your reactions until it's too late, it happens. So as long as you didn't continue it (the affair) you are not as bad as you think. I hope that helped a little.
You and the guy both betrayed your friend, big time. The first point is obvious -- stop it now! Tell the guy you are sorry it happened, that you feel terrible about it, and that it can never, ever happen again. But then there is the harder question -- should your friend be told, and if so, by whom? I guess that depends on how strong and deep your friendship runs, and whether you want or expect it to continue. If you tell your friend what happened (and really be honest about it), she may (or may not) forgive you. Whether she will -- or should -- forgive her wayward boyfriend is another question entirely, of course. If you say nothing (and the wayward boyfriend also says nothing), and she never finds out, maybe things will be fine. But if you say nothing and she finds out what you did, well, I think you can kiss her goodbye as a friend forever (and rightly so, in my opinion). Your call. Good luck!
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