My fiance tells me he is having second thoughts on our relationship. How can I fix it so it doesn't end?

find out where he lives, turn up at the door in somthing sexy and tell him you love him and you never want him to leave again .. and ask him to come back to your real home with you , have great sex , come home and appreciate him for this may well be your last chance to screw up

Wow, you really stuck your foot in your mouth. You do have a problem that needs to be dealt with before it is too late. It is obvious you love him and he you. The words you used hurt his feelings very much. I guess you need to swallow your pride and show him how much he means to you. The best way is for you to go and buy him an engagement ring. Then you go to him, get on your knees crawling and ask him to be your husband.

Well, sounds like you need to apologize, and tell him what you just told complete strangers! Regarding money, tell him you don't need any except for basic necessities, like food & shelter; he can have the rest to stay "gorgeous" for you. This will work if you really do love like you have told us. Keep having great sex -- mix it up a little if possible; and he'll come around. (Unless, of course, he has already found another pretty).

If you didn't mean for him to go home, then why did you say it?
Guys take things literally. He (obviously and justifiably) thought that you were serious.
He's been hurt, deeply.
But he still sees you two as having a relationship.
He needs to cool off. This takes time.
You'll have to sleep in the bed you made, and wait for him to come around. I don't know what the chances of that are, since you are separated and he has ample opportunity to meed other girls.

This may be a sad, hard, and emotionally expensive lesson for you to learn.

To put something in your stomach, try generic saltine crackers and brand-name 7-Up.

If you're working, the lack of sleep and hunger might cost you your job. If you're not working, you could be part of the problem.

Ted

If you didn't mean for him to go home, then why did you say it?
Guys take things literally. He (obviously and justifiably) thought that you were serious.
He's been hurt, deeply.
But he still sees you two as having a relationship.
He needs to cool off. This takes time.
You'll have to sleep in the bed you made, and wait for him to come around. I don't know what the chances of that are, since you are separated and he has ample opportunity to meed other girls.

This may be a sad, hard, and emotionally expensive lesson for you to learn.

To put something in your stomach, try generic saltine crackers and brand-name 7-Up.

If you're working, the lack of sleep and hunger might cost you your job. If you're not working, you could be part of the problem.

Ted

There is nothing you can do if he won't talk to you. And if he isn't talking, he might be moving on or playing his options. All you can do is wait it out. Keep trying to make contact, but don't be crazy about it. Don't let anything that happens while he is gone keep you from getting back together. Find something about yourself that you can work on while you have the time. Either job skills that would improve your financial situation, or go work out to relieve stress, or clean house. Find something that keeps you busy and will show a marked improvement for his return.

Good Luck,
James

I'm not an expert by any means, but I've heard finances are the biggest argument instigators. Obviously, you guys aren't financially able to be together right now. If you can get a hold of him, talk finances and get everything sorted out. BUT! Don't constantly bug him. He may need his space initially. Just let him know that you are here, ready to talk whenever he's ready. You guys are obviously meant to be together and it seems you guys get along great; however, money is getting in the way. Get that sorted out first and find a way to be together. There is a way. :)

Well when did he say that he's having second thoughts on your relationship? And just how bad was this argument? It looks like there is more in between the lines of what the two of you said in the argument before you told him to go home. He won't talk to you, call you, or answer any of your e-mails? For him to say that he's having second thoughts and he's not answering you back, means that this is pretty deep. I say give him his space. Calling and e-mailing him off the chain is only going to make you look desperate and annoy him. Let him take a breather, and you take a breather as well. Just wait a while and let him get in touch with you. If by the end of next he still hasn't contacted you, e-mail him and lay out your feelings and regrets.
Until then, just give him some space.

It looks like your situation took place about a month ago, so I sincerely hope it has been resolved. If not, you won't go wrong following the advice given by Queen Katie. If you are up to it, please advise as to how you a making out. I do have some advice to offer, but I will wait to see if your situation has straightened out.

omg your story is so cute! and he seem so lovely and sweet. I can't belive you told him to go Home "Meanie" lol

anyways well the thing is you can't to nothing about it, because his not answering your calls or
messaging you back :( which is really f***dup because that's the only thing that's between you guys. is(phone calls) and (internet) ... if you really REALLY REALLLy want him back and loves him like you said you do. Go to Michigan and visit him, I bet he gonna forget about all the fights and just take you by his arms. !



Goodluck.

do somethign romantic. you obvously love eachother. keep your finances seperate..

First of all, take a deep breath. You are in a real relationship crisis here. I know it's hard, but you need to pull yourself together so that you can think straight, because it's only by not appearing to be a crazy-psychotic-unstable girlfriend that you can sort this out. Take a walk around your block, look up at the sky, and try to calm down. Have some tea and dry toast - a few calories will make you feel more positive and look a whole lot better.

Now, you haven't committed some terrible crime here. I doubt that there's a single person on this site who hasn't sometimes said things in anger that they don't mean. So you told him to go home - big deal. It wasn't the nicest thing to say- but he's the one who has overreacted in a major way here by taking you seriously and upping sticks back to Michigan. I'm guessing he's fairly young, and possibly a bit immature and inexperienced, and perhaps doesn't have much relationship experience, because that's the reaction of someone who doesn't know how to handle conflict. You don't run away just because someone tells you to - you stay, you calm down, and you work on it. No relationship is without its occasional arguments, especially when financial pressures are high. It's how you come out of them that matters.

Not talking to you is also quite immature of him. He must realize that he's putting you through tremendous pain because from your tone, I'm guessing you've sent him dozens of desperate texts, emails and voicemails. He's clearly trying to 'make you pay' for what you did - and that's not a caring thing to do. Someone who truly loves you would not want to see you unable to eat, sleep or function. You deserve better treatment than this.

The first thing I would suggest is to try to take some of the emotional 'heat' out of the situation. It's all very overwrought at the moment, with all kinds of overreaction happening. He probably realizes that he can keep you on tenterhooks, and he seems to be enjoying having that power over you. All of the control of this situation currently lies in his hands - and you're telling yourself that everything is over if he doesn't want you back. Effectively, you're placing yourself completely in his power - and that's dangerous for your self-esteem.

The way to get his attention is to stop trying to get in contact, to act in a dignified way that shows that you have self-respect and a sense of your own value, rather than crying and begging him to come back. I know it's tough, but leave things alone for a few days. Don't contact him. Try to get on with your life as normally as you can - get out of the house , spend time with friends, go to the gym. Keep busy - even to the point of tiredness - and keep telling yourself that whatever happens, you WILL handle it. Take as much control of the situation as you can. Independence is sexy and desirable to guys - weepy dependence isn't.

You love him, but you should also love yourself. Good luck!

How do you know he says your still together if he hasn't returned your emails or calls? Give the brother some space, it sounds like you may be overwhelming him with your tears of regret.

Obviously, the two of you need to sit down and really talk about what happened. He is hurt by what you said the way you reacted, and you regret saying it in the first place. My ex and I used to argue about money all the time (I'm one to save money, and he likes to spend it). It's not the reason we broke up, but it put major stress on our relationship and was always a sore subject. Unfortunately, finances are not something that the two of you need to be arguing about. Money is a major stressing point in relationships and marriages, and will cause many break-ups. There is enough work involved in a relationship without the money, so the two of you need to get on the same page with it asap. Right now, if you go to him to work things out, you are just going to start the money argument all over again because neither of you has a solution for it yet. Before you take to him, step back and look at possible reasons why your bank account was depleting so quickly. Did you get a paycut at work, did he have a job, were you spending a lot of extra money going out every couple of nights for dinner or drinks? You need to figure out where the downfalls were, once you figure those out, it will be so much easier to budget yourself. Then go to him (going that extra step makes a lot of difference), plus seeing you in person leaves very little room for any missinterpretation of your feelings or thoughts. Sit down with him, tell him you overreacted and that you should have never behaved that way in the first place- that you should have sat down and talked this through with him. Apologize and tell him that you need to work on that aspect of yourself, and that you are going to work very hard to sit down and talk to him abut the things that stress you out before you "flip out" and take it out on him. Then share you idea on how the two of you can work together to fix your financial situation. Make sure when you dicuss it, you use the word "we"-- like we could cut back on going out to dinner to once or twice every other week, or we could both work on spending less money buying clothes and shoes. This makes the problem belong to both of you and shows that you both had something to do with it, otherwise he might get the impression that you are blaming him, which leads to more issues