Cheating?

I personally think that it is wrong , because there is an emotional bond , at least somewhat when making love . Unhappy to tell you this , but run as far away as you possibly can .
It is not a pleasant experience , I can imagine .
I am a really exclusive type of guy I must admit , but this just sounds wrong .

emotional and physical attraction should be considered cheating because the one you are dating or with, should be only receiving that attension

I voted A, but I was very tempted to vote C.
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I guess it depends on what you mean by cheating.

If my girlfriend came to me and said "There's this 18yr old stud muffin that wants to f me 6 ways from sundown," I could maybe understand that (because there's no emotional attachment). However if she did that WITHOUT asking me first, than I'd be furious. Also we've both got 'safety' lists. (Famous people we can sleep with without retaliation). So would that count?

As you get older, sex becomes a bit different to when your young. It's not that it's not enjoyable, but the emphasis on it goes away. What you cherish in the relationship is the emotional connection. The 'friend' that's there through thick and thin, that 'gets' you.

That's a lot of questions. Here's my personal flowchart for answering these dilemmas:

1. Whatever you're doing, do you and your significant other consider this acceptable behavior in your relationship? (Hint: if you'd be mad if he/she did it, the answer is automatically NO.)
YES -> Go to 2
NO -> Go to 4.

2. Are you sure? Maybe you should discuss it with him/her. Is he/she still OK with it?
YES -> Go to 3.
NO -> Go to 4.

3. Cool, have fun. Go to 1.

4. Yes, that's cheating. Stop.

I am in an open marriage, one that has lasted 7 years. We are very happy together.

Cheating is when you are lying or hiding something (that involves another human being) from your significant other that you both know would be hurtful.

I suggest we abolish monogamy, stop divorces and all get along. :-)

Good Luck,
James

Cheating is anytime you seek to replace your current partner when you have the choice of being with them. Though its important to seperate, thought from action.

You can cheat just by wanting to be with someone else and entertaining the thought without letting your partner know or trying to meet those needs with your partner.

I used to think this wasn't right when my ex claimed this. However, I learned in time, she was absolutely right about a lot of things. When your with the right person, in a happy mutually fullfilling relationship based on love not need, you don't think of anyone else emotionally or phsically (or if you do, you talk to your partner and together you fulfill your needs). In a bad relationship however, everyone will cheat eventually, even if they don't act on it.

Both partners are responsible if the other cheats. People only actually cheat if there's somethings missing in the relationship I think.

Sadly though, a lot of people are messed up emotionally and don't know how to live without lots of different partners.

I never have and never will physically cheat on a partner. I would expect no less from them. Its important to have trust and complete faith and show respect by doing this for them. You don't love someone when you just serve your own needs.

I would also expect my partner to confess to any emotional cheating to me (as I would to them) so we can both be sure to meet each others needs (and not be together if its not working).

Cheating shows a major lack of respect and commitment to the person you are cheating on. But, as you pointed out in the questin, there are different kinds of cheating.

In my oppinion, the worst kind of cheating is just sex with no emotions, because if you don't really care about the person you are cheating your parnter with, then you have no real reason to do it at all, and it all comes down to your desire to pleasure yourself without thinking how it might make your partner feel. It's just being selfish. Everyone who has been or will be in a relationship long enough has had an opportunity to cheat or will have one and I think that a person should think in that kind of situation what their partner would say or think, or how it would make him/her feel if they saw that. So, in my oppinion, there is no forgiveness for that kind of act and of course the relationship is over.

Other kind you mentioned is when a person develops some emotions for someone other then their partner, but there is no physical 'action' between them. In that case no one should take the blame because it is about emotions, and that is not something you can control. It just happened. But, also I don't see a point in continuing a relationship if a person has more feelings for someone else then for you.

And third kind is combination of the first two. If there were first emotions and then sex, I would be able to forgive but it is obvius that the relationship is over and I would wish them good luck, but hope not to see them for a long, long time. If there was first sex and then came emotions, for me it is the same like the first kind described in this answer

I guess why "cheating" bothers us so much as human beings is because of our childish fears and insecurities.

Have you ever noticed children? Specifically how they behave. Have you noticed what happens to the first child when the second child is born? Have you noticed how children have this primal fear of being left alone? They constantly need attention, they need to know that someone is there for them, to take care of them, to be there for them. They're afraid of being alone.

Contrary to a much pushed social-propoganda effort; men feel this fear just as much as women do. After all, we're all the same animal; human.

When we find someone we love, we find ourselves "feeling" a wide range of emotions. Most of those emotions are positive. We feel loved, we feel like we want to take care of that person, and that when we do, they're honest and respect us, they wouldn't take advantage of us, they would appreciate all our effort that goes into making them happy. Everything about being next to that person and having them as part of our life just fills us with happiness. That's when the negative emotions start to kick in. We know we're in love with someone when we're afraid of losing them.

Guys know this. Guys know on an almost instinctive basis that when a girl gets jealous, she's just admited to her own self that he matters to her. Guys know that when they see an other guy touching "his girl", even if she doesn't want him, it bothers him.

And it all goes back to the fear of being left alone, and having that one person who fills your life with so much happiness, who makes you feel so comfortable and safe to emotionally and sexually both express and receive your affection and love; leave your life forever.

Personally, I believe we think with our emotions. I know that I've never cheated, and that's the honest truth. I always have the opportunity to, but it's my choice to not act on it. Every minute of the day, I continue to say "no" to cheating. Everything I could possibly want from a person, I have. Amazing and frequent sex, honesty, respect, trust, and someone who genuinely cares about me and loves me.

But if that wasn't the case, "why" would I cheat?

For sex? Then it's not really cheating is it? It's not leaving the other person for someone else. It's leaving "no sex" or "bad sex" and going to "sex" or "good sex".

For emotion? Then that's cheating. That's me actually leaving the other person for someone else.

I think for that reason, if I ever found out my girlfriend had sex with an other guy; I honestly wouldn't care. It saves me the trouble of getting hard and having to fcuk her, plus if the guy was attractive, she got to enjoy feeling desired and sexy again. If the guy was better than me, she got to enjoy great sex. It shouldn't really bother anyone unless they're insecure themselves.

Emotional cheating; I know I'd have no tolerance for. If she ever had feelings for an other man, I would cease to feel anything for her.

Cheating in my opinion pertains to both physical and physiological relationships. If you par take in a physical relationship with another person it is cheating. If you go to another people strictly for moral support and understanding then it is cheating. Obviously a physiological affair has in hick-ups in theory so I will dive a little deeper and explain what I consider a physiological affair and why.

The reason I consider a physiological relationship under certain circumstances to be cheating is actually simple. If you can stimulation a woman's mind and understand her emotions then the next natural step in nature is a physical connection. Also a relationship that is purely physiological and involves no physical induction is a dangerous thing. I've often found that you start projecting the affiliated attributes of the “other” until your partner. You start to anatomize your current partner. Their flaws become more apparent and there good virtues become less apparent.

Now let me clarify something. I’m not saying you can’t have male/female friends who you converse your problems to. I’m sure most of us have such a person in our lives. What I’m saying is you can not have someone who’s specific role is to comfort you when your unhappy. The problem with that type of relationship is the “other” is only getting one side of the story. They are your comfort blanket. They are there for the bad which is a very small aspect of your relationship (I hope), thus their giving you an opinion and maybe advice, that’s based on such a small feature of the larger picture.

As for casual sex with others outside the relationship, if both parties are comfortable with it then I don't see the problem. You both have a mutual understanding of the rules of your relationship and have discussed it and feel its right for both of you, then enjoy the obtuse situation.

Now that you’ve got me thinking I would love to be okay with something like that. I’m not, but if I was, I think it could be very healthy in a relationship. Issues of loyalty become almost nonexistent and your sex drive is prolonged. Sex has many health and physiological benefits and being in a situation where your able to have casual sex with others outside your relationship means the excitement wouldn’t fade as quickly.

MY opinion, not yours.
Cheers.

to me its all cheating.. asfar as I'm concerned an open relationship is a mutual agreement to cheat on each other... and yes I even think kissing let alone putting your self in the situation to kiss or anything else should be considered cheating. I don't agree with cheating in any shape or form and I find it the most disrespectful thing someone could ever do to me. and I would hope they had the respect for me to not cheat on me but break up with me before they move on to someone else.

My 5 cts of random thoughts:
Open relationships could work IF both partners were OK with it AND if both partners were feeling very secure about the other, if both partners were feeling self conscious.
IF.
From the moment one of both starts doubting himself or the other jealousy will come, guaranteed and destroy everything, guaranteed.

That's what usually happens.
In theory, with ideal people, it can work, but.
Who will/can have sex without emotions with someone? Once, yes, but more than once?

Another thought just came up:
It has long been accepted that a man going to a prostitute wasn't cheating. (a prostitute is paid a bit for the sex, a bit for the illusion but mainly for getting lost afterwards)
I read and hear that actual morality doesn't accept that view any more.
An ONS could be compared to it, if all three persons involved saw it that way. IF.
They rarely do.
Thus...

Whether you call it "cheating" or "just experimenting" hasn't much importance but the way you speak about "cheating", call it "cheating" reveals what your feelings are: you're NOT OK with it. (or he isn't)

That was about the sex.
As for one of the partners getting "moral" support from another person , that could be another matter: is an external friendship tolerable to you? (or to him?)
How jealous are you? And he?

Just 5 cts worth of random thoughts on a difficult but interesting subject...

I've been married for 21 years to my third wife and never cheated on her, nor will I ever.
I cheated on my 2 previous wives.
But then, my first wife (we were married for 10 years) cheated on me before I cheated on her. However, I was a hopeless drunk and she had every right to have another relationship because of the hell I put her through. No, 'right' is not the word I'm looking for.
I cheated on my 2nd wife after we were separated, but before the divorce was final.

Hope this adds to your sick, sordid file.

Ted

I think that if there is an emotional connection with someone then eventually there will be physical desire for them in the near future. Emotional attraction can be painful. If I were to find out that my partner was emotionally attracted to someone, I know that it would be devastating.

When the physical desire comes up, fantasies can take place and right there is the temptation. I think when the emotional attachment begins, so does the infidelity. I don't think there is any excuse for cheating. The only way that I think it is okay is if both people within the LTR are okay with introducing other people into their relationship.

IMO, emotional bonds with other during relationships just aren't right :(

All of it is cheating. No matter how you spin it. If you are doing something that your partner would be concerned about or would rather not tell them then its probably along the lines of cheating.
I,myself, would never cheat on someone. That is the biggest slap in the face because you are basically telling them that they aren't worth your devotion or respect. I have been in a relationship for the past eight months and have never felt the reason to cheat. Its not that hard. If you don't want the person any longer, find a way to tell them so and simply move on. Don't disrespect them by cheating.