My best friend is still friends with her ex boyfriend. Back in May she lost her virginity to him, they were not together around that time and he had a girlfriend (he was desperate). He is really in love with his girlfriend. They went out to the movies and the next day, I think, she had asked him if he wanted to have sex. He had said he doesn't know and it ended at that. Recently she had text him and me the same message, which was a simple message and at the end she told us she wrote "love u" he had told her that he knows she loves him but he loves someone else. she had told him she had send the same message to her other friend (meaning me) and it was just trough friendship and nothing more and he told her that he didn't mean anything like that but its was hard for him to say love you he same way back. and she says she knows he doesn't love her but he had told her that he loves her but as a friend. He had also told her that she is his good friend and very special to him. He asked her what day she is free and that he will let her know what day she could come over to his house, I am assuming he is thinking of having sex with her. She really loves this guy a lot. I had told her to break up with him but when she had thought about it she had completely broke down. She is so afraid of losing every type of contact with him. She is afraid of losing him in any type of way. I don’t see her often because I have moved but when we met that day, I had spent the whole weekend with her and she told me all this, she would just stare at the ceiling if she was laying down. Her eyes will always tear up. She lost her mom early this year in February and soon her sister is going to leave to another country in a month or two. Her younger brother doesn’t really care to much about her and is never home. She has her dad but She was not as close to her dad as her sister is with they dad. She works only 2 or 3 days a week, hardly leaves the house, and isn’t attending college right now. I am concern about her, I don’t live near her anymore I have moved to another city and hardly get to speak to her anymore because I am busy with college and work. Beside me she had two more friends and they have also moved on with they life. She is alone and he is the only one in her life to her meaning. He cares about her but he sees her just as a friend and I don’t know what to tell her. She is nothing forcing a relationship with him. She hardly goes out because she stays at home with her dad so he doesn’t get lonely, she would just sit in the room with him watch whatever he watches, basically just sit in that room. I have no idea what to do or what to say, my main concern is with this guy, she loves him a lot and has thought several times about leaving him but she would stop because she is willing to stay friend and finds a comfort in it, He would text her a simple “Hi” and it would make her day brighten up. I seen it that weekend I went over. Should she leave him or not?
Well, either he sees her as a friend only, or as a back-up girlfriend/booty-call, neither of which she wants to be. But then again, if you tell her to break off her friendship with him, she not only won't understand why (the problem with infatuations) but she'll probably be mad at you instead of at him for keeping her on the hook.
It's a tough situation, and the kind that has no answer where someone doesn't get hurt, but I think this site itself might help, if not provide the answer. Link it to her. Have her read some peoples questions and stories. I think from what you've said that her biggest problem right now is loneliness. This site, regardless of how useful the advice given is or isn't, can be used to show people just how far from alone we all are when it comes to the pain of relationships.
If she understands that there are millions of people suffering through similar dilemmas, even if not exactly the same, it may help her find the reservoir of strength she will need to stay strong and decide for herself instead of letting the situation and her need for some/any connection decide for her.
After that, all you can do is be there for support should she regret either decision.
she is prob scaring the heck out of this guy, that is, if he has picked up that she has nobody and if he got involved with her, he would be her main focus. No guy wants to be that important. I'm scared for this guy if he got involved with her. Sounds like she needs friends more than boyfriends.
i don't think she's in love with him... I think she just feels like she needs him in her life because she's so lonely, damn I feel bad for her. :/ and his an ass hole
that was hard to follow... but I think I understood correctly. I don't think your friend is "in love" with this guy, she just seems to be infatuated. and to answer your question, yes, she should leave him. she probably thinks she can get him to love her, but it won't happen with her acting desperate and available every time he wants her. the best thing you can do for her is get her mind off him, go meet new guys with her. she probably just needs a little attention from some other guys, be told she's beautiful, so she doesn't feel like he's the only one for her.
hell yes? he has a girlfriend right? and its not her! Tell her your gonna tell his girlfriend for her own good! She is destroying herself and any future chance she may have with this guy!
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When: 24 days ago
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