Well it's a bit complicated and I know you are going to tell me I'm an idiot, but my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years cheated on me with some guy she met at her school. She went to his house and had sex with him both times she went over there. I am an idiot, but for some reason I still had a very large connection with her and I wanted to see if she could mature through this and might be able to be the girl that I want.
She tells me that she is so sorry about what happened and she loves me so much, but she doesn't want to talk to the guy to tell him that we are back together until she sees him. And I told her I don't want her talking with this guy anymore because of what happened, she wanted to be friends with him but I said there is no way I was going to stay with her if she did that, so she backed down and said ok.
But just to make sure that he gets the message, I sent him a message over myspace telling him we were back together and that he should stay out of her life and lose all feelings for her, this was after she got a text from him that said "when do I get to smell you again"
I guess my question is, was it right for me to take the action I did without having my girlfiend tell the guy first, I just couldn't really trust her telling him, when I don't know what she will say, such as tell him that she still likes him behind my back. First of all I know that I'm stupid as hell for going out with her, but I just feel like there is a connection, but it's very difficult to trust her, and I want to know because of all this crap that is going on, should it be my right to see what texts she is getting just to make sure she isn't doing anything unfaithful?
No you are not an idiot. You have feelings for her and seem to be very forgiving. She needs to realize what a good thing she is and come to terms with the fact that she did you wrong and that she has to prove to you that she will not ever do you that way again. Now, she has to take this time to gain some trust back with you. You are the one forgiving her. I would go through whatever precaution I had to to protect my feelings. But I can just about bet that it won't work out. You will not ever be able to fully get over what she has done and she sounds like a slut for still wanting to be friends with him. She shouldn't be able to look him in the eye knowing what she did with him behind your back. Dump the whore!
If you don't think that you like her like you used to, well I have something to tell you, It might be best that you don't stay with her, you will only get hurt worse if you do.
joan9999
(Age:36 to 45)
When: More than a year ago
If you feel like you can't trust her than it will haunt your relationship forever. It is hard after being with someone for that long to lose it. I had the same thing and there was this connection that I didnt want to let go of. In the end it just made it harder on me. I am glad now that I am done with it but I still miss that connection. You have to either come to terms with it or get on with your life without her.
HayleyBby
(Age:Under 18)
When: More than a year ago
This might sound harsh but in my eyes any girl who is gonna cheat on you after 2 and a half years isn't worth it . Chances are she will do it again if she knows she can get away with it the first time. Personally you sound like a genuine guy and I think you deserve better Good luck :)
If you cannot trust her enough to communicate the right message to this other guy then you shouldn't stay with her. It is an unhealthy relationship for both of you when you go behind her back and spy on her. You'll drive yourself crazy with jealousy. The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be to get out of it. It'll spiral for the worst, these things always do.
I'd cut her loose now. Years from now you'll look back at this girl and be so relieved that you didn't stay with her and jump through hoops to monitor her actions. There are many girls out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and not turn you into a raging, jealous lunatic. :)
When someone cheats on you, that is NOT ok NOT to break up with her. Cause I am sure that as soon as you do, she will go crawling to that other guy. You are just hurting yourself in that relationship!
PureFury
(Age:18 to 24)
When: More than a year ago
Really. How will she learn that cheating isn't a good thing if you take her back? She won't learn that it's wrong and she will end up doing it again. She sounds like a slut anyways. And hello, it happened twice! How could you even begin to think she has learned her lesson. And the fact that she still wants to see him, and that she doesn't want to tell him you are back together until she sees him tells me she wants to have sex with him again before she tells him. If she tells him. You're an idiot if you don't dump her ass cause she doesn't respect you.
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