Do you think girls that are out for the bad boys are afraid of intimacy or a meaningful relationship?

I was alway the good girl growing up. I did look for the bad boy. Mostly because I really did hide my bad side from the world. People seem to talk about the bad side having a lot to do with sex. Well I never had a problem in that department. In the end my bad boy, became an angel, and we got married. I don't know people can change. Maybe some times you look for the opposite of yourself, or the part that you want to be more like. There are probably hundreds of reasons. From what I've seen now. So many of my friends now want that Good boy, and bad boys become nothing but a fling.

Wow. you sound so cool dude, honestly. keep it up. Please don't change, there are girls out there who deserve someone like you.

speaking for myself... as a girl who is almost always attracted to the classic "hot bad boy", I will tell you this.

Those bad boys promise us girls all the things you just said. Only difference is that YOU really feel it. YOU really are it. Becasue of that, you probably wouldn't tell a girl all that you feel until you guys are pretty close. you probably wouldn't just spill all that to a girl you've only talked to a few times.

Bad boys don't actually care that much. So its not that big of a deal to say all that emotional stuff, because if the girl turns him down, it wouldn't really hurt. So they say it all right away. Make up all the things they know girls want to hear. Where the good guys -who have much more at stake- don't say that stuff right away in a friendship.
Bad boys appear fearless, strong, loving, because they aren't risking their hearts. But they are in fact, terrific actors who appear to risk it all.
and of course, as others have said, every girl hopes that she'll be the one he really falls for. We all know the bad boys are douches who are very bad for us. But the ones who fall, are the ones who are desperate to feel loved. desperate. so desperate for intamacy, a close relationship, and everything the bad boys promise. They're too desperate to wait and invest time in a good guy who holds back saying how much he likes her right away, because he really does.
speaking from experience on that one.

Like, right now... there's an AWESOME guy in my life. I'm not sure if he likes me though. He's perfect. a really GOOD guy. I love him. But I don't know if he likes me. He always wants to hangout when I run into him at the mall (where he works). He's taken a 3 hr break from work before to hangout with me. even missed a client that time. He invites me to hangout 3 times a week sometimes. But he still isn't doing anything. its been months now. So I'm at the point of getting tired of hoping and waiting now.
and then, I've got another bad boy... I've known him for years, and had a crush on him before. We started talking again recently... and I KNOW he likes me. I KNOW he wants me. And here I am. Thinking I should forget about my good guy. because it hurts to hope for the best, when it feels like its going nowhere. I don't like my bad boy nearly as much... but I'm so lonely and desperate lately... I feel like settling for the one who would at least pretend to love me. And -here it is- maybe he would actually love me. Maybe he could.

sorry for the long rant haha

You know what you are looking for and unless it matches up with the girl's ideals it won't work out. You're one in a million so don't be discouraged. You'll find her.

Girls who want "bad guys" pretty much know that they are going to get screwed over & they love it. I don't know how it works but it does, They want to save or "change" him. Its dumb.

Trust me don't go for the girl that wants a bad guy! YOu know why? Because she WILL screw you over WITH or FOR the bad guy. My best advice, don't change who you are, be the outgoing caring sensitive fun guy you are, and one day you'll meet her, and she will love you more than words and never stray or break your heart.

YOUR TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! not that your lying, girls just think your too good to be true. Most guys in there early 20's just want to be young and have fun, they don't want anything serious just something fun to occupy there time. Like a guy friend of mine said "i just want to be 20 and in college right now." So when I girl gets to know you and you seem sweet and caring and don't want to just f*** around and you want to take things slow they get scared, because most guys (at least the ones I find) want to be 20 and in college.

Like CuddlyCarla said...you need to be confident. The "bad boys" are because all they want is a piece of ass. Also a little advice, looks aren't everything, yea you need to be attractive to them, but sometimes a persons personality once you get to know them makes them even more attractive.

First of all, this whole 'nice guys finish last' bit is a myth and frankly a pity party, which no girl wants to be a part of. The reason girls go for men that are more edgy isn't because they are attracted to badness, if anything they would rather have a good guy. The foremost word with women is confidence, and edgy people have it in abundance. 'Nice' guys have a tendency to wander around in the background twiddling their thumbs, overanalyzing, and doubting themselves, and they rarely ever walk right up to a girl and present themselves as a viable option. They have a tendency to procrastinate, and not tell someone what they want or how they feel until it's too late. The edgy guy will just walk right in there and approach something knowing that it will most likely turn out his way and will usually thus get it. For a self-proclaimed nice guy, you certainly place a gigantic emphasis on the superficial. Especially if you are aiming for 10s, the confidence is going to be crucial because these women have their veritable pick. And you're going to need to be a man that can stand up for yourself and your woman and be assertive if you are dating a girl with that much constant competition. If a girl texts you, call her, don't text back. Confident people call, not hide behind texts. If you are out for a meaningful relationship, I'd make sure her looks aren't the only criteria. If your relationships have ALL ended in heartbreak, that's a sure sign you should rethink your strategy and read up on the topic. Learn from your mistakes so you aren't destined to repeat them. If you take things too slow and work up the courage, you will lose them. You should go into it already having the courage, girls aren't going to wait forever for you to believe in yourself and do what you have to. From what you have described, it doesn't sound like girls are afraid to have something meaningful, they just want to have it with someone who is sure of himself and sure of them and it sounds like you are too hesitant to make a choice and thus they move on. Now I'm confused because you just wrote that you've never had a girlfriend date or kiss, so what heartbreak are you talking about? If it's a crush, that's not even worth talking about, I thought you were asking about relationships. If you haven't had one, you haven't had real heartbreak. My analysis from reading this is that you are too busy feeling sorry for yourself and procrastinating, not actually making any of this happening or establishing yourself as a real option for a girl. Tricks to getting women: BE CONFIDENT. Be assertive. Stand up for yourself and your girl. Take the time and make the effort and don't take forever to work up the courage. Read books about it, get life experience, and learn. If you really are that much of a nice guy, you shouldn't even have to announce it. Show it through your actions and be good to yourself and you'll get what you want.

being a girl and all I perfer good guys because they know how to treat u...

You sound really amazingly sweet. There is nothing wrong with the good guys. In fact, there need to be more of them.

All the boys right now are so hyped up on sex or being mysterious that they leave a girls feelings in the dirt.

For you, however, it's a matter of finding a girl with the same interests. Maybe you've secluded yourself to one area (say campus or whatever) and need to try something new to meet people there. There are many people looking for a slow and solid relationship without having anything expected of them. You just maybe have to expand your horizons and find them.

((by the way -- could you possibly move to my area and bring a few brothers/friends like you? lol ^_^ best of luck!))

I don't think it's fear. I think it's usually a blend of shallowness and immaturity. They see something in these guys that they find appealing and attractive (confidence, an air of danger, financial success, strong sexuality, or whatever), but then feel bad when he turns out to be a poor candidate for a long-term loving and committed relationship. At the same time, you are out there looking for the "7" when a really wonderful "5 1/2" might be someone who could really love you and treat you well. Look past the surface, and you just might find a girl who is capable of doing the same.

I think our society is confused. For instance we mistake sex for love. We mistake a beautiful person for also being nice, trustworth, or smart. We mistake a poor person for being a lazy person. I think women who are looing for a strong man (which all women are) see some kind of strength in "bad boys" and mistake it for the maturity and strength that characterize a real man. Hollywood adds to this confusion. They'll often have "bad boy" as the hero, and he also protects the heroine from some danger, or proclaims undying love etc...its as if the two go along.
As for initimacy. All people long for intamacy; to be known faults and all, and yet loved. However, all people are afraid to open up to ridicule. I don't know that in this case the two correlate.
As for "bad boys" getting further/closer/more physical with girls, that's just because they push. I've heard that its girls that draw the line in a relationship - this far and no further. but its guys that push that line. Society used to scorn a man for asking for sex, now I think it scorns the woman for being too uptight if she says no. I bet if you just reached out and kissed girls or put your arm around her or went further, yeah you might get slapped back, but you'll find someone who won't. That's all those "bad boys" are doing. They're just pushing for more than you do.

My advise: don't change who you are. Nice and easy does it. Hold back from that momentary roller-coaster relationship that feels like you fell in "love." Hold out for something better, a relationship where you find someone who actually wants to get to know you before you progress to the next stage. And I can tell you, that kisses from a guy who I know/love/respect are so much more romantic/satisfying/turn-on than the exact same kiss from a guy I'm just trying out for the week. Don't get discouraged. Somewhere out there is a girl who just can't stand how pushy and fast guys are "these days" and is looking/waiting for you.

i'm 17 and I have trouble finding guys like you ! I have so many 'bad boys' after me but I just have to stop myself from getting atached to them and thinking they could be summin special or I could be summin special to them and they become so predictable and I know every time they'll stop talking to me after the first week because they all just want 1 thing and when they realise they arnt just gunna get it like tht they move onto the next girl so I try to stay away from those sort of realationships because normaly they arnt meaningfull and I dnt want a meaningless releationship. I like to have long term realationships for example my ex just broke up w ith me after 3 years of being together. And I think one day u'll find a girl who actualy apriciates you for being a genuin nice guy who actualy loves her for her! I know that's what I keep trying to find but I like gd guys but at the same time I like them to have abit of cheek in them and show they can have abit of fun and a laugh and joke with me and have abit of a wild side to him but also when I want him to be there for me and just have a romantique side and a loving and caring personality.

In my case, yes it was a fear of intimacy but I didn't know it. When I was younger, I just thought that nice guys weren't as "passionate" as other guys.

I have never liked the "bad boy" in the sense of the guy who doesn't return a call or cheats or cancels dates. I have never found that sexy. That is just a waste of my time. I always liked "hard" guys. I didn't mean that to sound dirty, I just mean, I was always attracted to men who said about 2 words a day and worked more roughneck jobs. So I was with men who were very dependable and commitment but I never got any emotional intimacy. I definitely think I dodged that. Cause when I found a guy that wanted emotional intimacy I freaked out. It was like a push-pull game for the first year of the relationship cause it terrified me. Thankfully he stuck it out, as good guys do.

What I wanted to say though, is that I know you are discouraged now, and it may take time but I truly believe good guys end up in amazing relationships some day. This is just my opinion, based on what I've seen, but I think the reason for that is that good guys go so well with women who have been really hurt by life. Whether she just gets beat down by life or whether she has had terrible relationships where the guys messed with her, she gets to a point where she can't take much more cruelty and that's why you are perfect for her. You probably don't have a cruel bone in your body. And so she just completely sucks that kindness up if she is ready for a relationship. It usually makes her adore you and you are just over the moon to be shopping and movie watching and spending time with the woman you love. Plus, I think that is a good guys dream relationship on some level cause a lot of good guys have very romantic fantasy lives and they think there is nothing more romantic then being the one to put the pieces back together in the woman they love's life (you can enter your "ahhhh" there). Also, she loves it cause she needs that love after a lot of years of not getting it. I don't mean to make it sound unhealthy. I actually think they make the most touching relationships and are probably the closest thing to a movie romance we see in real life. But don't fall for the girl you have to fix. Don't fall for the stripper or the drug addict cause I think good guys fall for them cause they have so much compassion they want to help her and show her that no one can love her like they can. What I'm talking about is a woman who is slowed down my life. She doesn't need a guy to hide the Meth from her, she just needs someone to be kind to her.

I just have to say, you remind me of a friend I have with your "ahhh nothing better." I cracked up when I read that cause he always did that "ahhh" when romantic things were brought up. He is married to a woman who adores him and has a baby girl now. So don't give up hope.

I for one always go after the bad boys for the exact reason you mentioned. I am terrified of intimacy and a meaningful relationship. Falling in love for me is just not an option. I want to have options open to me at all times. I'm kind of a bad girl myself anyways.

Although there is nothing wrong with having a preference to liking bad boys more than good guys, I feel like a terrible person. One of my best friends is practically head over heels for me and all I do is take advantage of his kindness. I will call him and talk to him about how I feel or ask him for advice about the bad boy I am currently stressing over. It's so unfair to him and I can tell it hurts him. I have no idea why I do it.

In the end, I want to settle down with an amazingly good guy. However, karma is going to give me what I deserve and all those great hearts I broke along the way are not going to want me back. So be it; I am selfish anyway.

You sound like you would make out to be lovely boyfriend material. Don't give up or get discouraged about getting a girl. One day, hopefully sooner than later, a good girl you truly deserve will come around and you'll be happy! :)

Gosh I know that its harder for men like you to get a woman...I am the type that likes the bad boys and personally I think it is all in how you're raised.. What you need to do is look for is a woman who has a good father because she will be used to getting treated well.

good guys seem too clingy, a girl wants to be on a guys mind, but a girl doesn't want a guy to be obsessive.

girls are too shy.
good guys are just like girls...too shy to strike up the first conversation, too shy to make a first move, too shy to ask a girl on a date.


i would rather text a guy and get a text back 30 mins later,
than have him sitting by his phone and text me two seconds later,
it just shows that he took the time to write me back,
but he isn't clingy.



i don't like to think of it as bad boys vs. good guy.
id say its more of confident guy vs shy guy.

honestly most good guys don't show their personality right away.
they will do anything to get a girl.
they try way too hard and it shows.

next time you see a girls number, and she text you, wait 5 minutes, then text her back.
maybe it will help.


i know this kinda seemed like a crazy answer but I'm tired, so it might not make sense lol.

its because basically the guy is playing hard toget wit the female and the female loves that attention and the excitement don't get me wrong every girls dream is to find a nice bloke yourself that will threat her kindly and be genuine to her and to love her actaully her instead of her body I hav the problem going for bad boys and I'm actually sick of it I rather a nice guy like yourself but for some reason girls go for that beacuse of the chase and drama which it should go for the right love and commitment and yes wen it comes the nice guys we are afraid of getting hurt not the way our tears shed for de bad boys it would break proper if a reltionship was successful witha nice guy

Maybe. Some girls do like bad boys so they won't get hurt. And if that's the case you just have to acknowledge that she's been hurt and don't push her. Bad boys, the have confidence. That's a huge plus for us. Most of us are kinda scared to make the first move or how far to take things but they do it for us. They might see you as, weak. We want someone to stand up for us and a guy that goes shopping with us and picks out our outfits won't. It might be your lack of experience too. Every girl is different. You have to learn that.

it could be that they lack relationship experience and don't have common sense
or that they don't know any better
or they really do like bad boys
i as an individual member of the female sex,i do not want to be with a bad boy type of guy. I don't mind if he sometimes seems like that but I want someone who has a good heart and doesn't just write or talk sweet words but inside he is nothing but emptiness.

Girls don't like bad boys more, we like their confidence and are natrually attracted to it. As far as being afraid of commitment, I know I am. Many girls don't want to settle down like a married couple until at least their late twenties. Up until then, sadly, nice guys finish last.

Well there are lots of similar questions on this site about how good guys loose out to the bad boys, and you will find lots of answers.
I think an important aspect to remember is what age group you are looking for women in. the 18-24 age range women, are probably not looking for someone who can provide for them and take care of them in the long term. This is because women at that age usually aren't thinking about long-term relationships and marriage, kids, etc. They are looking for something new and exciting, which is where the bad boys come in. They provide that kind of excitement and thrill. When those same women get a little older and their preferences change, then you will be the golden ticket.

I don't think girls are put off by "good guys", but shy guys just aren't as appealing!

The thing is there are different types of bad boys. I like bad boys and lots of girls do, I like them because the self confessed "nice" guys bore the sh*t out of me and they irritate me too, nice people can be too nice and it just gets annoying. But no girl wants a bad boy that treats her like sh*t. A guy can be "bad" but treat her right and that is perfect to me at the moment. So it's good that you are nice to girls because that is what all girls want, it's just the other areas of your life where some girls like you to be "bad".

no, we prefer the bad boy because we want intimacy.

imagine like having to pick and choose between a good girl that's relationship quality but is inhibited and shy, and a girl that's a hypersexual nymph. honestly, which one would you go for, like hands down? the hypersexual nymph of course. nothing about her sex drive suggests she's not relationship quality, so given the choice between sexual and relationship satisfaction, the good girl checks of yes to relationship, but no to sex. the nymph checks off yes to sex, but uncertain to relationship. the possibility of finding a girl who sexually satisfies you and satisfies you emotionally, appeals to your hope of having the perfect relationship. Since this hope has been eliminated by the good girl, since you see her as practically asexual and thus can see yourself having a less than enjoyable sex life with her, the nymph still leaves room for hope, and so you prefer her over the good girl.

it's really the same thing with good guys and bad boys. the good guys are overly-emotional. they think girls don't think about sex, and if you start to get physical, intimate or sexual, we're going to burst into flames and eat you alive. the good guys open doors, act like gentleman and all that, but when it comes to touching, kissing, or initiating anything sexual, they're just awkward and weird; because they're inhibited. when the guy is inhibited, it makes me feel inhibited, and we don't end up doing anything. but I want to do something, with someone who's uninhibited and makes me feel comfortable and safe just letting go and feeling free and uninhibited myself. that's where the bad boy comes in. he's uninhibited. and in my eyes, it's not until months down the relationship where I'll discover he's an @sshole or jerk. but for right now, if I had to pick between the inhibited and uninhibited guy, I'd pick the uninhibited one, for the same exact reason you'd pick the nymph over the good girl.

great sex is really like a top priority. and we don't want to have to make a tradeoff between either great relationship or great sex; we'd like to have both, or at least hope to have both. so when the good guy pops up, it's like, oh great, your textbook asexual gentleman. when the bad boy pops up, at least we know there's sexual chemistry, from there on, we have a reason to want to get to know more about him in the hopes that we find the full package, great sex, great emotion, a great relationship and financial stability.

it's not girls' fault for preferring a relationship with a guy where there's great sexual chemistry. it's your fault for having certain beliefs about women, that are causing you to be inhibited when you're interacting with girls, and killing any and all sexual chemistry between the two of you. naturally, any girl's interest in you would fade to zero, and she'd look for a guy that's uninhibited and she can feel comfortable being sexual with.

Um where can I find a guy like you? lol! I think the saying goes treat em mean keep em keen, honestly I hav no idea why girls like the bad guys, sometimes like me they don't know they are bad til its too late, mind games that some guys play are very powerful especially the ignoring texts thing, we want things we can't have,we wonder why he hasn't txt, doesn't he like me, then when he does its exciting! no this isn't the right move, I am seeing a guy that texts me back every time he gets the chance and I love that. Sometimes it could be about changing the bad boy, haven't you seen the films where bad guys go good because they fall for that one girl?! its stupid because you shouldnt want to change the person ur with. and then there's sometimes when they are afraid of a deep connection

you are like me am the same...

i can tell you one thing that's for sure... You are the guy that will have a great future wife and children and marriage beacuse you can do it... these bad boys have no morales and look at women as objects, in this case its the bad boys that finish last.

Am guessing you are a public School boy?

Cause I am, and that's where you learn to treat women with 100% respect and love...


Coolio

My experience if your too of a good guy, the girl ends up fu@kin you over. One girl even told me you need more of a bad boy attitude. Luckily I learned this early in my life. It's ok to be nice but dint over do it. Leave them hanging wanting more. Be unpredictable, spontanuous and not afraid to take charge

i kinda have the same problem. I don't know what is the problem with some girls. they prefer the guy that will treat them wrong, and make them feel bad, instead of the guy that will make her happy. I think young girls are just in it for intimacy, I don't think they are looking for a serious relationship when they are young.

Most of the time, they fall for false pretenses.

I think most girls like bad boys because they are often the most attractive or are considered alpha males.

Frequently, "nice guys" are just using an artifice to go after women that they don't actual rate (higher in attractiveness, intellect social class etc.). When it doesn't work out, they blame the woman for being foolish in not seeing their merit rather that understanding that every woman has a right to decide who she finds attractive and is not obligated to love anyone simply because they are "nice".

Secondly, dating involves risk. You are taking few risks, expecting the woman to have an epiphany and suddenly discover you over everyone else.

Put away the romance and work on having fun. You are far more likely to find someone who enjoys you if you are enjoying yourself. Obsession is really kind of dull and leaves little room for scintillating conversation.

Oh and bad boys:
Accept risks
Have fun
Are intesting
Accept "not interested" as an answer

Nope. They want the excitement. The danger. I have learned that with a great number of woman it's all about the risk.

Then there is the ego part of it. Just think... How damned good a woman she would be if that bad boy gave up his nasty ways just for her! I mean wouldn't THAT make her some sort of super woman?

I have learned to recognize the girls and woman that think like this and go for the bad boys. There is no changing them and if you think you can then you are as delusional as they are.

Conversly though, I will NOT tolerate these women's whining about how bad "all men" are either. More than once I have unloaded on a woman over this and it's NEVER pretty.

Girls can have relationships with "bad boys" and "jerks" for many different reasons. But the commonest reason is that these women are afraid of intimacy. These women are deeply terrified of a healthy emotional bond. To avoid such a bond, they select guys who are incapable of a meaningful emotional commitment. If these women wanted a healthy emotional connection, they'd dump anyone who couldn't offer it to 'em. It's remarkably simple, once you think about the logic. 2 + 2 = 4.

However, I have another theory...

"Nice guys" are also often terrified of intimacy. Rather than risk a healthy connection with someone who might reciprocate, "nice guys" tend to lust from a distance, or tend to settle for best friend status when they really want more. This is just as much a way to avoid intimacy as is dating someone who treats you like crap.

I've asked the same question before and I eventually came to my own conclusions.. and you'll see that I'm right.. First thing you gotta do is be open-minded and more importantly.. be realistic..

Realistically speaking.. women who are mature.. they stop going for the bad boy because they have had the thrill and they got sick of it and are looking for a real relationship.. the reasons to why they wanted bad boys? there are plenty.. I'll sum it up in a minute.. As far as ignoring the calls or messages, that creates mystery and most women like mystery but most guys do that sh*t on purpose.. now I say let the relationship flow.. if you really can't get to your phone, then too bad that creates mystery by accident.. which is correct.. if you can get to your phone, then reply.. so you are correct on that one.. Women aren't afraid of meaningful relationships.. actually, women are not afraid of anything except their own insecurities..

You can't overgeneralize people by saying "bad guys".. but for the sake of discussion ill go with that for now.. Bad guys DO have something to offer to women.. and they ARE good boyfriends because they provide an opposing side.. you think they are "bad" because they don't cater to the women or they don't respect and adore them a 100% of the time.. Women don't want to be smothered and you need to understand that.. It's o.k to be respectful and caring, but when you need to oppose to her sometimes, then oppose! The point is.. DON'T be afraid of losing her.. when your "nice" to her all the time, they'll see your fear and they will most likely use you because you want to be used.. at least that's what your signaling to them.. / It's fine to be open with your emotions but sometimes you have to learn to hold back.. you are a man.. I'm not saying be macho and a douche-bag but keep sh*t to yourself unless you have little choice.. If something she says really gets to you, then and only then should you let some of that emotion out.. When women see your emotions held on your sleeves, once again you unintentionally become an easy target.. you don't have to 'hold it all in'. just keep it minimal..

Seeing a chick flick with her and shopping.. you know what that says to her? it says: "best friends".. not boyfriend..You gotta resist man.. I know nice guys like us want to make girls happy but when you think about going shopping again and walking around while she takes her sweet time, dig deep inside yourself and think.. "do I really want to waste my time like this?.. is it WORTH IT?".. Now, AFTER entering the relationship, THEN you can pick out "cute outfits" for her.. but before you get into a real relationship with her, don't do that kind of sh*t!.. it sends the wrong signal!. Trust me. It's o.k to take it slow but 2 to 3 weeks after meeting the girl is long enough.. anything longer = "good friend".. So if you decide you want a relationship, make it happen soon or regret not making a move.

I got more. just ask me.

"Seeing a "chick flick" with my girl, shopping with her at the mall, helping her pick out cute outfits that would look good on her. Just spending time with a girl I love, and it being about her... ahh nothing sounds better."

Are you gay?