What should I do? Am I falling out of love?

Love is a decision, not a feeling. That is the feeling comes and goes. And if you act like you love someone when you don't feel it, the feeling will eventually and for certain follow.

I advise you buy her the book "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Laura Schlessinger. It is increadably blunt and pretty conservative. She will either love it or hate it. And I don't advise it because I think its gospel, but because it actually has some really good points. Laura Schlessinger is a marriage councelor and this book is a result of numerous guys writing in. She's not reporting how she believes guys should be treated in a relationship, but rather reporting what she has empirically seen to be the best way to treat a guy in order to build a healthy relationship. Also, I'm aware you're not a husband, but you and her are having sex, so you're kinda on that level. And I read the book for the first time when I was single, and I still found parts of it useful in just understanding the men in my life (brothers, dad, friends...)

Also, you're going to have to ask her to find you a book on how to treat a girl. Because 10:1 you're part of the problem in this lack of love you both are having. You just didn't list your faults because you don't know what they are.

You guys need to spend time with your friends. I mean relationships are important but if your with the person 24/7 you start to get sick of them. If you want to save this relationship you should hang with the guys and let your girlfriend hang with her girls. Also talking to her about this wouldn't hurt.

I'm not at all slighting your age but you are young. Now is the time when you should be having fun with your friends. There's nothing wrong with missing seeing them. It's also the perfect time to flirt and date other girls. Note...I didn't say sleep around. Sounds like you both have a lot of emotions and thoughts rolling around inside your head. I think its time for a break. Warning...taking a break usually causes pain. So, naturally she is going to become clingy. Try to avoid any negative interaction with her. Try to remember that you value one another. You just may have outgrown one another. This is my abbreviated piece of advice. Relationships aren't complicated. Humans are. Much love and luck!

just let her kno taht maybe a little break will bring you guys closer since you got sooo close over the summer I have taken breaks from my boyfriend and we feel a million times better after we take them but I don't gain weight during relationships for the exact reason you pointed out but just let her know that you are worried about your relationship and want to take a little break so you guys can strengthen during the time apart.

it is perfectly normal, trust me:)
why don't you too just take a brake.
talk to her, I'm sure she will understand.

I'm sort of in the same position. We've been dating about 11 months, one day my boyfriend just didn't have any sex drive whatsoever so I asked and he said maybe he's not sexually attracted to me. A few minutes later he said it was stupid he said that it was just that he didn't want to admit it was is problem he couldn't get aroused or whatever. But after he said that I feel like I'M not as attracted to him as I once was. I suggested we see more of our friends and he got a little upset. Just the same kind of stuff.

Honestly, I have no idea either. I think you should talk to her about it, that's what it's come down to for me.

Keep in mind that (for a lot of girls, me included) as long as girls are even SLIGHTLY attracted to a guy they will still love them and everything. They can ignore the fact they aren't attracted to them and only look at their personality. Reading what you said does make me think she is attracted to you. I think she may feel you aren't as attracted to her anymore so she feels kind of self-concious (that's why she will only let you see her dressed up in pictures).

If you really want to save your relationship I think the best thing would be to sit down with her and just ask her "are you still sttracted to me like you were before?" Then you will get into that topic and you will be able to say how you feel and she'll be able to say how she feels.

If you are scared she'll say she isn't, still ask her. It will be better you find something like this out now compared to months from now when she may randomly break up with you with not much of an explanation. Just talk about out. But I think the fact she is sending you pictures of her dressed up is her way of telling you that she does still want you to see her when she's pretty, which definitley means something (well I think so atleast).

Good luck, I hope this helped in even the tiniest way.

i was with my man for 6 years but I went through a depression for 4/5 months and I caused my man to feel exactly how you are describing and he left me.

I don't know what you can do but talk to her. This will more than likely end in an all mighty row because she'll claim you're a selfish wank bag. And on some level, you have to accept that you are. I know it seems so nasty. You have to know yourself and understand that YOU WILL fall out of love if this contunes because you are a shallow bastard, but it's okay, many of us are, especially when we feel unappreciated.

I think what you need to do, now, while you still love her, you need to leave her. I know, sounds crazy right? lol But it's the only way she'll stop taking you for granted. We are only human, if we can get away with doing the least amount of effort and still have what we want we will. I know it's not very romantic but you do need to keep your loved ones on their toes, remind them you are worth making that effort for.

And sometimes that takes a good dumping. fortunately if you do it while you still love her, there is oppertunity for you to make that re connection if she decides that she wants to make that effort for you.

Now, the only problem is it could back fire and leave you with a broken heart, if you leave her when you still love her then she may tell you to p*ss off for good. But the good thing is you ALREADY know that you would have left her if she did not start appreciating you more anyway. and she has no desire to appreciate you more now, so it's a win win situation.

You have to have the balls to do this. a lot of men will grow to the point of finding their girlfriend makes them sick, and start a relationship with someone else before dumping their gf. That is selfish and horrid and totally unfair.

I know this is really unfair of me to ask as this is your question. But lets say you HAVE come to the point that you have fallen out of love, and you have dumped your girl for good, not just to give her time to think. Lets say, however you were open to helping your ex girlfriend, by telling her what she should try in order to win back the love you once shared. What would you advise her to do, honestly?

No one can tell you if you are falling out of love with her. You have to decide that.

But what it seems like isn't that you two are falling out of love but that you have entered the 'comfortable phase'.

At the beginning of the relationship both people are faking. We pretend to be people we aren't. We are agreeable and available and open and everything seems to just gel so well. Wow, it's all so perfect! But one of the reasons that is, besides all those hormones and feelings, is that we aren't being real people. We are both pretending that we have no flaws and that we will always meet the other persons need. But as time goes on, we become comfortable with each other. It's a great feeling on some level because you aren't as afraid the person is going to leave. But the problem is that when that comes, the feeling of "Hey, they accept me as is so I can be myself now."

Everyone's different but what I've noticed is when men get comfortable they kiss less, go out with their friends more, stop bringing flowers or gifts, stop listen to all the woes of a woman's world as much. What happens? A woman feels unloved. He is just feeling comfortable but she thinks that if he still cherished her that he would want to kiss her still.

When women get comfortable they put on weight, stop taking care for their appearance around their man, stop having adoring things to say to him, stop having sex. He feels unloved. She doesn't find him less attractive, but to her sex is something you do at the beginning of the relationship. You guys are comfortable now so all those things aren't important in her mind.

Unfortunately the comfortable phase is just laziness. It's not realizing a relationship has to be taken care of every single day. That no one wants a slob or a jerk as a lover. So we drift apart and then break up and wonder what went wrong.

You have to take care of your relationship. Cause she won't have sex, you don't get to start looking at other women. Cause you want to be with friends, she doesn't get to withhold sex (or whatever she might do cause she is p*ssed). Both of you have to feed the thing so it survives.

So, I still think she is attracted to you. I still think she loves. I think she has gotten lazy.

If you love her you can talk to her and tell her that you think you guys have gotten off track. The best way to do that is tell her what you think you are slacking in. Women love to find their own guilt in some weird way. So if you tell her how you think you guys need to work harder and tell her about how you have these 2 or 3 things that you think you need to work on, she might turn it on herself and wonder what she has been doing wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, you can try and do the things for her that you used to do and hope she might she it. We are all good at feeling how much our partner puts in a relationship and if we think they are slacking we slack. So seeing you trying may make her try harder.

My ex and I were the same, we spent all of our time together. We went 3 years and 8 months talking to each other every day and saw each other probably 3 years and 6 months worth of days. Things were great for like 2 years. Then it went crappy. I can't really say why because he's the one that changed not me. But I feel like maybe she's changing too. I'm sure she's still attracted to u. It's just hard to keep sex that awesome anymore. She wasn't being clingy on purpose. To her it sounded like you wanted to leave her and abandon her to spend time with other people like she isn't good enough anymore. I know because I felt the same way. She feels like she used to be enough and all you needed as a friend and that by you wanting to spend time with other people all of a sudden, it means she isn't enough of a companion anymore. Plus if she doesn't have any other friends then she really feels alone, I think it would be better if you invited her to come along. But I will tell you that my ex didn't change back. He changed into a completely different person and we couldn't be together anymore. She'll only stop changing if she really wants to but there is nothing you can do about it :( I know from experience.

First of all, you know something's gotta change when you stop hanging out with your friends. A significant other is not supposed to be the only person you are around. Everyone needs their friends. So my advice to you, hang out with your friends more, if she gets mad explain that you need some guy time. If she still has a problem with that it's probably not going to work out. Also, you might want to try changing your behavior. If you like it when she dresses up, she probably likes it when you do too. So try it, she'll probably get the subtle hints. But above all else if you honestly don't like her like you used too, there's really no reason to stay together, especially if you feel like she's taking over your life. That's never a good thing.

you have to talk to her
a relationship is when one person adds more happiness into your life. it doesn't mean you have to spend every waking moment with them,.. how will you ever miss them ? how will you look forward to seeing them if you saw them yesterday ? you'll begin to lose interest of something good in your life. you need to spend less time with her and make her miss you, she will begin to crave sex and so will you .. that's what spices up a relationship. not the sex in particular. but the craving to see each other because you miss them. you need to see them after a while. and never forget about your friends. they were most likely there for you before she was so its really bad for you to ditch them/.. start going out with them more and if she becomes offended tell her that you love her and don't want to lose her but youve just been busy and want to put the excitement back into the relationship.. the excitement that we all get before we ae together with someone.. that fire shouldnt die away just because you guys are together. :)
hope this helps.
oh and once you chill with ur friends more, shell chill with her friends more too

Wow this sounds like me and my guy! we had a terrible few months, we would fight every time we were together, so bad to the point we would both end up crying and telling each other how much we hated one another (over stupid stuff too, like he would want to hang out with his friends instead of me or he stopped walking me to my car when I would leave) we stopped doing all things to do with sex for those few months, I mean we would kiss and hold hands but for some reason we just not in the mood like we used to be. About a month or two ago now, something just happened, and we both started lighting up when we saw each other again.. it was like over night we rediscovered that love that we had in the beginning.. I don't know how, but if you really do love this girl, you should stick it out, I'm so glad my boyfriend of now 2 years 1 week and five days:D put up with me. I love him so much.

It's great to spend time together, but the two of you cutting your friends off was a mistake. She's not acting clingy, she is clingy. Since she dumped her friends for you, you're all she has. So of course she is going to be upset when you say that you miss seeing your friends because they are going to take time away from her. That behavior is not healthy for either one of you. I can't tell you if you're falling out of love. Your girl has gained weight, she's not dressing the same, and you don't see her as the same perfect girl for you. Guess what, that's what a lot of married guys go through. It's natural that if what you found attractive in someone isn't there anymore, that you find yourself not being attracted to them anymore.

You also said that you want her to go back to the way she was before. Have you ever figured that maybe you're the one who is changing?

Wow I must be some kind of weirdo cause it sounds to me like your girlfriend trusts you to love her unconditionally as she likely does you. I'm 24 and I've been with my wife for 8 years, 7 years of dating 1 of marriage. We went through similar patches, although we were not sexually intimate for up to six months at one point. Sex does not equal love or attraction period. Attraction is important to chemistry in a relationship but why would her gaining weight make you fall out of love with her? Perhaps you are just coming to the realisation that it was lust you felt and not love at all. I see these two states of being confused a lot in relationships. It sounds to me like your girlfriend loves you very much. So much that she thinks that you will whole heartedly return that love no matter what. You definitely need to talk to her about how you are feeling because if you continue on the path you're on both of you are going to get hurt very badly. Oh and I spend every waking minute with my wife and relish in it. She doesn't have to be with me but I feel empty when she isn't around. When you truly love someone you can miss them when they leave the room. She is my best friend and I am hers, we can live to be apart but are happier when we are together. We appreciate each day together as potentially the last day we will ever be together.

You gave too much attention to your girlfriend and neglected all your friends

All I really gotta say is you need you're friends more in you're life.There is noting wrong with having friends,so explain this and she should understand,because friends are there to help you and allow you to make her want you more.


Talk to her and let her understand you need a social life with you're friends.





Peace!

ok.. well this is exactly what I've been going through..

I think it's always ok to have your own time to hang with your friends..and you both need to discuss your comfort level about that..obviously.. there's a limit like going clubbin' with friends..or strip clubs..although some people are ok with that.. but just let her know you miss your friends and you want her to have time with her friends also..

as far as... bein attracted to each other.. just try spicin things up... or try changin somethings up..

dont worry ... everyone goes through these times..