I'm a victim of sexual abuse. I have dealt with this issue for many years and have over come many of the issues that go along with this. I recently became aware that I will be running into a family member of the person who abused me. At first I was scared and panicked. I attempted to lean on my boyfriend for support.
A little about the relationship: we have been dating for 2 months. We have been close friends for about a year. He is aware and has been aware for quite sometime that I was abused.
When I explained my situation he asked if it was a specific person I would be running into. Not the role of the family of member (father, mother etc). More or less an attempt to find out who abused me. I stated no and then he proceeded to say well if it was him that would be odd because he has a really hot daughter.
Now I understand that the majority of guys lack in the compassion department and this is a rough subject to deal with, however I am offended and feel that he was unable to comfort me when I needed him to.
I no longer feel as though I can trust him if he can't be there for me when I need him. This issue is truly personal and private and I am extremely cautious on who I share this with.
I no longer feel that I can share my body with him (sex) because of this. Am I over reacting? Any ideas on how to solve this communication issue?
Wow. I am probably going to take a lot of crap for what I am about to say. But, sometimes the most honest things are the most painful. Truthfully. I think that you and your man are both wrong. I will start with him. He does not have empathy for your situation.
Empathy is an acquired ability. So this is something you need to communicate with him and be open and honest about. He is not a mind reader and does not know when you need to be emotionally supported or comforted. And yes it takes longer than a year and two months for a man to learn this. 2. Think of it like this. Ill use myself as an example. I was in the army for 5 years. This is true. I fought in the war on terror in afghanistan. I saw some terrible things that occasionally give me nightmares. Would you be able to comfort me in the middle of the night when I wake sweating and nervous as hell? Can you say or understand the horrors that a war veteran will always walk around with in their head? Probably not. And that's ok. I'm glad you don't have some of my memories of those days. Well the same situation applies to you. You experienced something terrible, and you can;t instantly expect those around you to be in tune with your needs or even become selfish with others when they don't.
Not having sex with this man because of this is well, selfish. Your punishing him and in a sense yourself unless you have other sexual partners for the wrong reasons. You need to try to communicate your needs more clearly. And if he doesn't respond to them in a positive matter then COMMUNICATE some more, after you exhaust this avenue. Then find someone else to date. Either way. You have to make healthy solid decisions that will effect everyone in a positive manner. I'm sorry for your experience. And last, YOU CONTROL WHO YOU SEE AND WHEN YOU SEE THEM. If you don't want to see this mans family member who assaulted you then don't. You control when and where you go. -j e-mail me if you have further questions
I've been seeing my boyfriend 3 months now and we both fell for each other. I am very happy and he has told me that he is also. He has spoken about...
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
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