I have been dating this guy for about 3 months, he was married before and it ended in divorce with her cheating on him and getting remarried after 2 weeks from there divorce. We hang out but he has a lot of issues with getting close with anyone since then. I know he is a really good guy and would never cheat on me but he just seems to back away when the conversation comes up about getting serious. He has said that he is really scared that I will hurt him and that he never wants to hurt like that again and that he wants to take things slow between us. I know that I would never hurt him that way but I want him to get closer with me and be like an actual couple and I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to get him to see that we would have a good relationship if he would just try and really get to know me. His divorce was about 3 years ago so I think that he should have had time to move on by now, I really care a lot for him and I just need some advice on what to do. Do I leave him and move on or do I stand by him until he know that I am there for good?
Look at it this way. He's been hurt before, he wants to be sure. He wants to take it slow, to get to know you before starting a REALLY serious relationship that you might mess up, which would hurt him. You sound like you want to take it fast. It might not be that he's not over it, it might just be that he's (rightfully) cautious about the whole thing. I know that if my girlfriend cheated on me, and we broke up over that, I would never look at dating the same way again. Give him time.
He may be extremely scarred and may need the extra time to get over it. If you really like him, then you should be patient and reassure him that you won't leave him since you care for him. However, don't hang onto him if you know that he won't get over the divorce. If you get the chance, talk to him about the issues that you have. Getting everything out will inform him of what you're feeling about his insecurities, and perhaps he'll lighten up. All in all, patience is key here. He may just want to be extra super sure that he can trust you.
Wow, that's heavy stuff. A marriage breaking up because of infidelity sounds like it would be WAY harder to get over than a "normal" break up. With a marriage, they promised to stay together forever, and well, obviously, they're not. No wonder he has some issues.
If you really care about it, and want to see it work out, give your self a (rough) time frame and don't try to force it with him. If you don't feel like you're making progress during that time frame, you have to choose if you want to "fish or cut bait. " while I know you don't want to bail on him, you also don't want to get stuck in a dead-end relationship.
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(Age:Under 18)
When: 5 months ago
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