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sniperwolf2007

How do I get over the feeling that I am scared she is going to cheat on me?

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sniperwolf2007 (Age:18 to 24)     When: More than a year ago
Views: 1322     Category: Relationships

That's my fear. I've been in a relationship before and she really hurt me and I don't know how to get that scariness out of my head. What should I do?


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What Girls Said

Kickrockslosers
2219  
Kickrockslosers      When: 11 months ago
Okay, so you have some baggage. Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. The new girl you are dating is not your ex/gf.
2. If you think every girl is going to cheat on you, she eventually will. So you must be positive about new people.
3. All people must earn your trust. Don't automatically trust people and so you should take your time.
4. If you really care about her then at least let her in and explain it to her. If she cares, then she will ask you questions about the last relationship and probably explain that she's not into cheating.
5. If you accuse her or try to control her eventually she will cheat or dump you.
6. Your new girlfriend cannot compete with the past girlfriends bad decisions. It's not fair to her.

Good luck and I hope this helps with new relationships. Every woman you meet is not going to cheat on you. You just picked a bad apple out of the bunch. Sometimes people learn from their mistakes so if your new girlfriend was a cheater with another guy, who's to say that she will do the same thing to you. Just watch how she moves when you guys go out and around your guy friends. If she's a whore, your boys will tell you.
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loopiegirl
20  
loopiegirl      When: 11 months ago
I completely understand how you feel and I empathize. I dated a man a little over a year ago. We dated for 2 years. During that time he cheated on me multiple times (which was just as much my fault because I stayed). But, now I have severe trust issues, even though the person that I'm talking to now has not given me a reason not to trust him. I haven't discussed this with him because I don't feel like we are at that point yet. It's making me insane because I dwell on it and worry constantly. I just keep holding on to the hope that once we get deeper into the relationship, I will grow to trust him and let go of some of the emotional scarring from my ex.
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A-R-Norman
3331  
A-R-Norman      When: More than a year ago
you are what---under 25--u are still young, however, all I can say is, it takes time, but f you continue to treat her with suspicion when she is not the one who hurt you she will either a) cheat on you b) or leave,

As I said, if she cheats so be it--u lost nothing. You may just have to be alone for a while to get your head together.
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A-R-Norman
3331  
A-R-Norman      When: More than a year ago
Well, lets put it this way--if you obsess, you will push her away and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy meaning the very thing you fear could happen.

Also, there are no guarantees in life--even with the best of intentions people can hurt us. The trick is learning how to react with maturity and move on when it occurs.

To me, it sounds like you weren't ready to get into a new relationship. You need to work on your trust issues and get past the pain of your last break up -- the last thing we want to do is make other people pay for the mistakes of someone else.

If I were you, I woudl back off a bit from the relationship to work on myself so I could be a good partner -- suspicion and jealousy will make the girl end up hating you and possibly doing the very thing you fear--run to someone else for comfort.

There is no easy answer here hun--give it time, if she proves herself to be someone you can trust, give it to her--if she ends up cheating on you -- then stay out of long term relationships a while until you find out more about what you want, who you are and can find better quality people to date.
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smartinisandstorm To see this advice in black and white is really comforting, but when it's your significant other saying it to you it is a bitter pill to swallow. But how does one overcome suspicion and jealousy? I have been trying for more than a year cold turkey, then seeing head doctors and taking pills. When I was taking the meds I could not perform sexually, plus I didn't find they were helping (though my fiancee thought otherwise). Any insight would be great! :) - More than a year ago

 
Anonymous User
N/A  
Anonymous User      When: More than a year ago
Thank god I am not the only one that feels this way. I was hurt terribly by a relationship of two years and now I constantly accuse my guy. It's just that we gotta learn to be more confident in ourselves and trust that person even if it means we give them the oppurtunity to hurt us. It's life bud.
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roadkingp Well said! Its LIFE................thank you. - 2 months ago

vezna
1255  
vezna      When: More than a year ago
I don't think you ever will. I used to worry about that too and I would hate my boyfriend for being around girls but now I trust him enough to be around girls and I trust him enough not to cheat on me but I always think anything is possible.
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iloversxyew
0  
iloversxyew      When: More than a year ago
Well, it's a different girl and I know what you are talking about, I've been through it before many times and it's hard. Try talking to her and tell her how you feel and what happened before.
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dustinswifey07
30  
dustinswifey07      When: More than a year ago
I was in a relationship for 3 years and I was hurt multiple times. Then a couple months after that horrible break-up I met the best person in the world. It was very hard for me to trust him at first but now I trust him with everything. The only thing you can do is give them a chance. Let them take the chances to earn your trust otherwise you will never trust them. For example after 2 months of dating I let my boyfriend chill at his friend's girlfriend's house and stay the night, yes I freaked out a lot but then came to find out he didn't do anything irresponsible. Now we have been dating for three months, we have never fought or anything. You just have to give people the chances to earn your trust.
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What Guys Said

sumina7
1720  
sumina7      When: 3 months ago
The girls who cheat normally have one or more of these characteristics:

1. They are naive and can be easily persuaded
2. They don't respect their partner's feelings
3. They do not think fidelity is a desirable virtue
4. They are easily tempted
5. They believe that all men are pigs and will cheat. So, they feel justified in cheating before their man does.

So, check if any of this is true about her. If it is then you have to be extra careful.

Also, the fact that your earlier girl friend cheated you implies that you are attracted to certain type of girls who might have particular psychological make up for cheating.

So, think about how your ex behaved. Study your current gf.

Life is about continuous learning.
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bigboii6655
351  
bigboii6655      When: More than a year ago
You should tell her that your not gonna take any cheating in the relationship. Tell her that your not playing games and this relationship is real. If you don't want to have a relationship then tell me now. Tell her you care about her but your definately not alright with cheating
Tell her all that.

I hope I Helped
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NotSoBad
6289  
NotSoBad      When: More than a year ago
This is a really good question. I've never cheated but I feel as though I may have been cheated on. I have this same feeling you speak of. I have friends that cheat and try to convince me that it is only normal to do so. I honestly can say I don't believe it is normal to cheat. I believe that my friend has probably been cheated on before and found himself in the same situation you are in. I think the way he handles this is by cheating himself. Now I'm not telling you to go out and cheat but to me I have been able to rationalize it in my head.

The way I rationalized it was that if you can accept that everyone does it then it is normal and you do not have to worry. That kind of makes sense. But its a moral issue and you cant' expect anyone to have the same morals as you. You also can't expect anyone to make the same decision as you.

So if you are a faithful person the only thing you can do is have faith in the person you are with. Just remember that by not cheating you are a being a more honest person.
If you ever find out that you were cheated on know that you have the right to walk away knowing you are the better person. When someone cheats on you they are not worth your time. They cheat because of their own insecurities in life.
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A-R-Norman You are right -- people do try to justify cheating and it is a load of BS--not everyone cheats. I was faithful to my exes, even after I was cheated on, and I trust my hubby because he has proven himself worthy of that trust. People with true moral character are hard to find but worth looking for -- keep your chin up. ;-) - More than a year ago

PureFury
740  
PureFury      When: More than a year ago
Don't be afraid of it. Just accept it if it happens. I'm not saying if she cheats on her then ignore it. I'm saying that they haven't given you a reason not to trust them then you should cause she deserves to be trusted. Shes not the one who cheated on you. Let her know that if she ever does cheat on you then you'll walk away from her for good and then just enjoy your lives and if something happens then it happens.

You can't control her so if she wants to she will. Theres just no point worrying about something if there isn't any evidence to worry about it and no possible way to prevent it from happening anyway.
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Anonymous User
N/A  
Anonymous User      When: More than a year ago
It will go away. You just need more good experiences in dating and relationship. Concentrate on the positives about that girl. Namely her personality. If she is genuine, honest, kind and sincere, then this should be no problem. Also to avoid a lot of the causes of the feeling, don't get into her or your background regarding relationships and such. Something I heard a ways back is that girls cheat when they have an emotional detachment or something wrong with the relationship, while guys just like the ladies :) So if you feel that your relationship is solid (an this relies on your gut) then no problems, concentrate on you have her, she's yours and that she thinks the same way.
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