I met him in June at the coffee shop. He's 21, nine years younger than me, but is quite mature and goes to college. Our friendship was slow to start, since he only comes home on the weekends. However, over winter break, we would play pool, go out with our mutual friends that we know from the coffee house, go out on group dinners. We bonded a lot over break and he confides in me and says he trusts me, but he also said he doesn't want a girlfriend, since being in the Army Reserves, there's a chance he will deploy. He also runs around with other girls, which he says he hates about himself, but he does it anyway. He never tried anything with me. On his 21st b-day, he was affectionate, as far as being hugsy bear. He said he'd "kiss me" but he never made the attempt cause he knows I would want it to mean something. I don't drink either, which I think screws up his game, since most of the girls he probably meets are at bars or parties. He's very easy to talk to, a great source of strength for me. He accepts me and I really care about him. After the game on Sunday, he called me to see what I was up to, even though I saw him on Thurs. and sat. I told him he could stop by, which he did and he had a few drinks. His "booty call" texted him and he basically blew her off because he said he was "having a good time with me and that I was easy to talk to" which is nothing new to hear from him. I was floored he turned down sex to hang with little old me. He crashed on my couch then. I wasn't expecting that, but whatever. He doesn't flirt with me, hardly hugs me when he's sober, but I know he values our friendship. I'm not over flirty with him, because he knows I want the real thing. I'm 30, divorced. He's young, but he deserves a lot more than what he's been getting and he owes it to himself not to be such a slut. I told him this, more or less, but who knows if he'll take my advice. Even when he's over at the house, he doesn't sit on the same couch as me. I called him on it on Sunday and he just got a little embarrassed but still never moved. He talked about me to our friend on his b-day, after we all got finished with dinner. Mind you, he had a few drinks, but he told her how terrific he thinks I am and how much I mean to him, what a good friend I am. I'm confused. Am I gonna have to make a move, cause I don't want to. I would only do that if I knew for sure he was into me in that way. How do I find out he likes me, more than a friend, without asking him straight out? I haven't met his friends yet, or family, but he's met a few of my friends and my parents. They all love him. He's great, he treats others so well!
Update: Yesterday, when using my bathroom, I noticed, on the chalkboard, a message. It said, simply, "Laura, you rock" with a heart going over the you rock part. It was from him, obviously, when he was over Sunday night. Is this a way of telling me he likes me?
6 months ago
Update: Oh and get this, a few weeks back, he called me late at night, on his way to a "hook up", just to apologize for not getting back to me earlier, cause I was dealing with a few things. He never calls me that late. What's going on, does that mean anything?
6 months ago
Update: Saw him yesterday. Met up at coffee house, which is the norm. Hung out with our mutual friend, all of us went out to dinner then to our fave pub. Friend left at 11pm and we staid till closing.We went back to my house, where he crashed. no move was made.
6 months ago
Update: He kept asking me during the course of the night if I was ok, because I don't drink anymore and I get bored easily when there's nothing going on. He talked about his prior relations and said that the best ones are the ones that start off as friends.
6 months ago
Afraid to say, I think right now, he sees you as just a friend and isn't looking for more. Obviously, a good friend but still a friend.
The Army Reserves story also sounds a little suspicious to me. I don't know...it could be true, but it sounds more like an excuse for not being in a relationship. I'd be more inclined to believe it if he were active not just Reserves. You have to realize that it may just be a nice way of him telling you that he doesn't want your relationship to go beyond friendship.
On the positive side, he does seem to share something with you that he doesn't share with any other girl. He seems to trust and respect you a lot. These are good traits for any relationship.
So there's the possibility that you two could ONE DAY be more than friends, but not today. The question is are you willing to wait? If you rush it, it's not going to go well.
Also, you need to find out if he's at all physically attracted to you. This will tell you if there's a chance your relationship could ever go beyond being pure platonic. I think it's safe to say that you have some kind of emotional connection, and if you also can have physical chemistry, then it's probably only a matter of time before he realizes you're the one he wants. If however, he could never look at you that way, then you'll just be friends forever.
If he acts jealous at the thought of you being with another guy...well that's a good sign.
Souinds like he really likes you but he's young he still wants to party and have a good time and get some sex. I say give him another year and he'll be out of that phase because it will all be so old and he'll want to settle some.
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