If you can sense that a guy truly loves you and you love him too. If he does not have a glib tongue by nature, but he tells you you're the best he has ever met and you're someone he wants to marry. He even talks about details of the future when you're both settled down together. He is filial and very responsible towards his family and tells you you're just like one of his family members. And when he tells you how good you are and how much he wants to be with you, his eyes and mannerism look so sincere and truthful.
Yet, on valentine's day, while he spent the day with you, he posted an ad looking for a girl he met at a bar 8 years ago, a girl whom he described as having long silky hair (you also have long silky hair) but whom he had forgotten her name. The title was "Seeking You Each Valentine".
When asked, the guy denied that the email correspondence left on the ad is his (but there was evidence to show it is his). Then the guy apologized and insisted that nothing has happened so he's, technically, not unfaithful (He apologized verbally over the phone and only once). When the girl asked for the guy to promise he'll be faithful and was seeking more consolation and comfort from him, the guy sounded impatient. What is the guy thinking and how should the girl react? There's a lie and there're elements of unfaithfulness. True love forgives and it is human to err. What should the girl do? I'm the girl, asking about my boyfriend. I just hope to understand my boyfriend from a guy's point of view. Hope you can give me some good advice. Many sincere thanks.
Technically, OJ killed his wife and got off with it. It was a lame thing for your Boyfriend to do and he knows it. He tried to deny it but came clean.
The reality is that he made an attempt to contact someone he met long ago. It's highly unlikely that he will be able to so this is the technicality he's referring to. However, technically, it can also be classified as emotional cheating; his initial denial means that he knows it was wrong.
If you guys are in a good relationship then you just need to tell him that it was a unacceptable thing for him to do and, if he is indeed concerned about you and your feelings, then it won't be repeated. Then drop it and move on.
Honestly, there is reason to believe that he isn't inclined to be monogamous. That need not be a big problem as long as everyone is upfront, honesty and careful about what they do. The bigger problem is the duplicity. If he posted the ad, he was looking. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you but it does mean that he seeks some kind of connection with her as well (likely sexual) and that he isn't being honest about it.
You are going to have to figure this one out. Do you require monogamy as a mandatory condition of a relationship? If so, this gentlemen is unlikely to give you that. If you don't require that, you need to sit down and have a heart to heart about what is ok and what isn't. In general, it isn't the extracurricular sex that destroys relationships, it is the lying and sneaking that goes into it.
Fwiw, I am not monogamous and happily married 15 years. We figured it out and there is no deception. My wife actually insisted that I keep other lovers because she didn't want to be solely responsible for my emotional and sexual well-being (most of my close friends are female and occasional lovers). Please understand, if I were to start lying and sneaking, it would cause just as much damage to my marriage as it would in any other. It isn't the sex or even the desire for sex with other people, it is viewing your partner as the enemy you must get by to get what you want. Once you get to that point, it really doesn't matter if you have sex with someone else, the relationship has already changed for the worse.
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: More than a year ago
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