I met this girl a month ago, just recently we started dating. Things connected and we have had two arguments. We have only been texting and talking on the phone, so the arguments were cause of a misunderstanding of what we meant. Anyway, we have been talking about when to get married and start a family. We decided to wait to get married after she's done with college, but she's wanting me to propose. she keeps asking me when will i, but she doesn't want me to do it now. also, if she's pregnant while she's in college. we will just go with the flow and add the baby to the family. she has 4 years to go, so is it early for us? I don't want her to bother with planning for a wedding or a kid.
There are seven basic emotional needs that are essential to creating a truly loving and emotionally supportive relationship: love, caring, understanding, respect, appreciation, acceptance, and trust.
It takes these 7 basic emotional needs to make a marriage/relationship work!
A bit premature.definitely.but it's ok to dream.how about agreeing that you two make a plan.that is the grown up thing to do.a plan that involves.enjoyng the dating/courting part of the relationship until she finishes college.when she finishes college if you two are still together then you plan to marry in two years but until then open up a joint savings account to save for the wedding and or honeymoon.money for a down payment on an apartment, furniture.and how about waiting on the baby thing.like 2 or 3 years from the time you get married so you two have time to adjust to married life.have jobs that will support this family.life insurance, health insurance.and you should still be saving money for the house you will need to put the baby in and the other kids to come.and don't forget.when the baby comes you open up a college account with fedelity.because you are going to want your child/children to have opportunities.and don't forget if mommy takes a year or two off.your job should be able to support the family during that time.Oh and don't forget daycare expenses, braces, and .if you add more kids to the equation.!
People do impulsive things and these surprise babies.that change your life drastically really do suck up money, and about 20 years of your time. And when you don't have it who suffers.the baby, the relationship.
Why do you think there are so many messed up people.just read some of the crazy and sad questions that are asked on this site and others.most of them are from kids who have parents who where not prepared.
I think the most important thing is to date and find out who each other are and if you can accept each other with all your good, bad and indifferent.cause prince charming and cinderella are definitely a fairy tale.!
Relationships are work.!
Read my article(s).the one universal need to be loved.
We do have a plan, to wait for everything after she's done. but at times, plans change.
i got an apartment, some of my family is giving me furniture, I have 3 savings accounts and one checking, I have life insurance and health, we both have great jobs, I am paying for school with no loans, we both have vehicles under our names - 2 months ago
Answerer
Well if that is true ... I commend the both of you. Maybe I misunderstood I thought you had to propose and then plan.. wow you have done some really quick planning considering you've only know one another a bit over a month. I am impressed. I am almost 43 and I don't think I have ever put a planning of sharing the rest of my life with somone together that quickly. Tell me your secret. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Well one saving account is from my parents child support, another is when my step dad "forced" me to pay "rent". so by the time I get to 35, each account should have about a million. The 3rd is my life insurance, if I ever needed to. The college thing, I just make enough to save and also I pay monthly payment. :P I guess me and her just clicked and we both like to plan way before anything happens. - 2 months ago
Too many people in my family are in their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriage and most of them were married and had their first kid by age 20. None of them are still speaking with their exes, some have restraining orders out, some can't see their children, and one had to bury her first daughter because she committed suicide while her parents were working on getting divorced. So no, I don't think you should take those plunges just yet. You guys are young, you can't REALLY know each other after just a month. Do yourselves a favor and wait, there is no reason you shouldn't be together at all just wait for the really big stuff, no one wants to say they got married, had kids, and got divorced by their 25th birthday. If for no other reason than weddings, kids, and college are expensive, especially all at the same time.
We don't want to get married yet. we plan on waiting 4 years, after her college is done - 2 months ago
Answerer
Well that's a start - 2 months ago
Question Asker
We are just planning on what we want. nothing is set in stone, just getting a budget and stuff. that way we don't rush things and forget something. - 2 months ago
umm.you guys only met a month ago and are now talking marriage and children. that is far TOO SOON! you should have alarms setting off in your head! I know at the beginning of every relationship, each person sees their partner and the relationship through rose colored glasses. everything that happens seems like it's ok, even the little fights here and there. we want to believe everything is fine because we don't want to wake up one day and realize that what we have isn't really what we want. we just like the feeling of being comfortable. the fact that she's getting marriage and babies in her head is ridiculous at this stage of your life.
before you get yourself into anything too serious, please take the time to consider what you really want in your life without considering what she wants. the fact that she wants you to propose now.is this what you really want? can you honestly say to yourself that when you look at her that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, grow old and have children with her? marriage is a very big and important step that we take in our lives and such a decision should not be weighted to lightly. that being said, it just seems like she's rushing you. if she truly loves you, she'll take the time to get to know you better. she'll listen to your concerns and understand your take on things. I also think that bringing another life into this world should NOT be one of your priorities at the moment. I mean you are still going to school. with a baby in the picture, how can you truly aspire to be greater in life? what about your desires and goals? don't just put them on the back burner to please a girl you've just known for a month! we're talking about your entire life here!
I hope that what ever your decision is, that you take the time to really think things through. I know that you think that things are ok right now, but what will you do when things fall apart in the future? my dad always tells me that in order to have a strong future, one must take care and the time to lay down all the foundations. I mean just think, a house made in a month versus a house built in a year will not withstand earthquakes or tornadoes. I guess what I'm saying is, take your time right now and don't jump into things head first as you'll surely land flat on your face. instead stand firmly on your two feet before taking large steps. baby steps.
with that said, I really wish you the best of luck. cheers!
Yeah, I really want to do this. I got my goal job when I was 20, and my other goals are to settle down with someone in our dream house. I have 3 savings accounts, so ill have enough for a down payment on everything. also, I plan on using one for our kids college fund. I have a college fund, but I make enough to pay off college with out any loans. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Ok...but are you positively certain that this is the girl of your dreams? like can you really say those words..'til death do us part'? like I said, just don't rush into anything. you have an entire life time to spend it with your dream girl. so what's a few months or a year to see how things go? - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah I can say that, already have. not exactly like that, but more like. I want to grow old with her and she our children grow up and see their children, until we die naturally. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Well then I guess it doesn't matter what kind of advice you get on here as you seem to have your mind made up already. I just hope that things work well for you. best wishes! - 2 months ago
Question Asker
I usually don't ask for advice, just options. can't have people run my life - 2 months ago
Well I don't want to say its early, because when you feel like that's what you want then that's going to be what you want. But also you will know when the its the time to do everything. No planning is really needed it comes on its own. I would wait thou for a couple of months to see how things do go. People change once they get to comfortable with others and then it does go down hill. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but its happening in my relationship also. Just don't rush things and you'll know when the right time is = )
I think its way to early to talk about marriage when you've only been going out for a month. If she wants you to propose, its seems like she just wants to get married simply to get married. If she keeps asking you, I would step back and take a good look at your relationship
Wow. You've only known each other for a month and you're already talking marriage and kids? That's a recipe for disaster if I ever heard of one. IF you stay together at least live together a few YEARS before considering getting married. People change a lot in their 20s, which is why I recommend waiting until you hit 30 to even consider settling down. Furthermore, I don't see this relationship lasting. You give off a really needy vibe in your post, which is very unattractive to women. If she's got a lot of choice in partners I don't see the two of you going the distance. This is why I suggest you give this a read:
Cute Girl says:
I like nice guys; that's not the problem. I just met you and you are telling me how much you want to date me and asking for my phone number and I am probably not ready. You just come on too strong and too fast. You come across as desperate by telling me how special and beautiful I am, you tell me you LOVE ME SOOO MUCH, that you will always treat me right, how I'm the one you have always been looking for, how good you will treat me, and all that rubbish.
I'd rather a guy try to get into my pants. If only you would just give me a little time and space, but NOOO you have to LOVE me. So I choose the good looking bad boys. You can slap their face and they just smile. At least with the bad boys, if and when I decide I'm not interested, they don't give a hoot. I'm not going to hurt them.
Like most girls, I’m a compassionate person; I don’t wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don’t want to date you anymore, you are going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in your face, your expression, and body language. You try to get me back, you mope and complain, you point out all the things you have given me, and tell me how badly I’m treating you, or maybe even talk about suicide.
I don't want to deal with any of that crap, let alone most of it. If you give me the slightest indication you are going to be that way, that's it; I'm not having anything to do with. If you act like that, I don’t think you are a nice guys at all, I think you are a selfish clingy bastard posing as nice guys just to get me, the girl. You don’t care about me; if you did, you would be happy for me when I wanted to go because that would be what I wanted. But, no you are selfish and want me to stay and love you even though that is not what I want.
When you want to go bowling with one of your guy friends and he tells you he has a date and can’t go, you would like for him to go but you don’t get miffed or get your feelings hurt. It's hard for me to tell you what you don't want to hear when I know you are so enthused and you will be SOOO disappointed. If you would give me the same considerations you give your guy friends and not be offended and get your feeling hurt, I might go out with you.
no offense but after 1 month of dating don't you think you're jumping the gun. I'm not saying that you can't fall in love with someone that fast because I know you can but the fact that you guys only text and talk on the phone and have never actually done anything together makes me question it so yes I do believe it is too early for you guys, at least give it a year before you start talking about these things
