I have been friends with this guy for 4 years, the problem is I have developed feelings for him, I have never told him how I feel about him and I never would because he is married and I don't want to come between him and his wife. in the last 6 months if we are alone he always give me a hug goodbye, but he doesn't do it if they're other people around, and one night when he came round to my house we were play fighting and he hurt my hand, he took my hand and looked at it and then I pulled it back and looked at the floor, when he said "you can cuddle me you know", so I put my arms around him and then he kissed me on my forehead, and then led me over to the couch and he took my sore hand in his and then gave me a cuddle. and on a separate occasion we were sitting on the floor at my house, we were facing each other but my legs were over the top of his when he put his hands under my bottom and lifted me onto his lap, he then wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder and I did the same to him and then he said "i'm so comfortable" and then he lifted the back of my t shirt and rubbed my back, then afterwards when we were sitting on the couch he asked me if I was emotionally involved with him, and I lied and said no, I told him I thought he didn't care about me in that way, and then he said I have emotions to you know. I don't know how he feels and what he expects to happen, I wanted to ask him about it but, then sometimes he just acts like we are no more friendly than any other of his mates, and he says he loves his wife and would never cheat on her. I don't want to lose his friendship because we are really good mates, but this is starting to get in the way of that because on the one hand I want to end the friendship, because I don't want to be used and I don't want anyone else to be hurt, but on the other hand I care so deeply about him, I don't want to lose his friendship, I don't know what to do.
Update: the reason I want to end it, is because it's hurting me a lot, I have developed romantic feelings for him, when he is behaving like that I feel like he's giving me mixed signals, I have been told he doesn't cuddle people ever,
5 months ago
Update: and if we are only friends why does he cuddle me, and not anyone else.
5 months ago
Update: i sent a text message to another friend telling her how I feel about him, and I accidently sent it to him, as well. I've seen him since then and he hasn't mentioned the text, but he did keep me physically at arms length when we were alone together.
16 days ago
Update: also he hasn't told his wife about the text or anything.
16 days ago
In my opinion I would end it until I can get over my emotional feelings for him. Your feelings are only going to grow and grow and in the end someone will be hurt. Whether it be you, him or his wife. if you really want to still keep contact with him, maybe just hang out with him when other people are around. He is definitly sending you mixed signals which is messing with you more. The only way you can really lose those feelings is to distance yourself. And talk to him let him know that he is sending you these wrong messages and your friendship is being affected by it. If he does want to be with you then he has to choose between you or his wife. Don't get yourself trapped in the middle. It will not turn out good for anyone.
Thanks for the advice, I have tried doing that, I see him as little as possible and he has stopped giving me hugs if we do find ourselves alone together, and he has started treating me just like everyone else, and I have never told him how I feel and even though we barely see each other anymore my feelings have still grown, and a week ago I sent a message to another friend of mine about how I feel about him and I was in a hurry and accidently sent it to him, so he nows how I feel about him, - 16 days ago
i don't think you should end your friendship with him, I think you should talk to the guy about how you feel, say your not particularly wanting to be with him you just need him to know you do care about him and he does mean a lot to you, sometimes hearing someone say that back is enough.
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 5 months ago
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