So, my boyfriend went to another state on a week long vacation with his family. Firstly, I need to point out, I have difficulty trusting people completely. Well, I actually trusted he would have a good time and just enjoy some down time. I trusted him enough to think he would be fine & I wasn't worried about other girls. When he returned, we were going to have dinner with my parents, sisters & there husband/boyfriends. We walked in the door & I guess his shirt moved just enough for my mom to point out a hickey. My mom & sisters assume it was from me & I later got a talking to for this. I took him out to the garage & we talked. Apparently he met a girl while he was away & they made out. He stopped her & didn't let it go any further than a hickey but still, he betrayed my trust in him. I don't know what to do. I love him, I really do & I want this to work. But I don't know how to deal with or just process this information. He even said he was thinking of me all week. He realized after not long of being with this other girl that there was something horribly wrong about it & stopped. He said sorry & even started crying. I just told him I needed time, but I see him this weekend at work. I don't know how to forgive him for this. What should I do?
Update: Forgot to mention I tried to ask him what her name was. He didn't get her name though. This is very upsetting since he didn't even have enough respect for me to know the person's name before making out with them.
5 months ago
Update: So, everyone at my (and his) job knows about this now :( Apparently the day he got back from vacation he stopped in work to get his check & they noticed it. Now everyone is giving me their opinions (which are biased) on how to deal with him.
5 months ago
Update: This is slowly escalating into something a lot bigger & everyone at work seems to want me to leave him. Except the friend we share & my stepdad. He's told me to listen with my head not my heart. is it true once a cheater always one?
5 months ago
Update: I think I'm gonna give him a second chance cause I care about him so much & sometimes people do change. I recently found out that my sister is married to the guy that she once cheated on, apparently he gave her a second chance & everything was different.
5 months ago
Update: I decided not to leave hm & we celebrate our 3-month on the 9th. Everything is pretty much back to normal. It occasionally comes up but he's already expressed how sorry he is, enough. I love him & he loves me, that's all that counts at this point :)
4 months ago
I say leave him. I believe in the principle, once a cheater, always a cheater. According to your poll choices, the one that says "everyone makes a mistake" is absolutely BS. This clearly wasn't a mistake by him. But he needs to learn to have respect for you. Every guy should respect their girlfriend/wife/ whatever. There's no reason to keep a relationship where he finds someone else to do things like this. Especially behind your back.
It's not worth it leave him. As much as you think you'll be able to forgive him. You won't. You said it yourself you have difficult trusting people completely. A girl like you won't be able to live a comfortable life or relationship with him. You'll be worry the next time he goes out and the next and the next.
It's a tough call, but NEVER say "maybe he was just drunk" because if he does have the hunting gene in him he'll use that excuse every time. I've been cheated on by every one of my boyfriends, sometimes their are deeper seeded issues and sometimes it's just a big mistake. One that will be learned from and fixed. Everyone deserves a second chance. But not necessarily a third. So if it happens again, then I would re-evaluate the relationship. Like the say, first time shame on the dog, second time shame on you. So if ever a second time comes around that probably means it's in his nature to keep doing it.
i would give him one more chance everyone deserves one last chance or at least I think so anyway I think one last chance if he cheats or gets with some other girl leave him its not worth it it might hurt but you'd get hurt so much more if really messes up but 1 last chance ok give him that maybe he won't screw up this time
If you think he was really sincerely sorry, then you can try giving him another chance. Make it very clear to him that another incident like that means losing you for good. If you say it bluntly, then there is no way he can say he didn't understand it later if it comes to that. Honestly, it was really forgiving of you to hide the fact that the mark wasn't from you when you all were in front of the other people. I probably would have been like, ".that's not from me," the moment my mom said something just to punish him for being an idiot. Anyway, it's possible that he'll shape up and take you seriously and things will be better. However, you also need to be prepared for this to happen again. He really couldn't control himself for one week? That's barely any time at all. You know him better than I do, but with most people, I would be pretty wary from there on out. If you want to be a little mean, you can suggest that he get tested before you have sex with him again, to show that you're not sure you can trust his word after that. Might not be a bad idea anyway if he has been fooling around.
If you are going to have trouble trusting him from now on (which is perfectly rational, considering your nature combined with what he did) then I suggest taking a little time off from the relationship to think things over. If you still feel like your trust is completely broken, then end it and find someone you can trust. There is no relationship unless you can trust each other,
I've actually never had sex with him, so I'm not going to tell him to get tested. I would if I was planning on having sex with him tho. Also, I did tell my family it wasn't from me. So, my family is incredibly mad at him right now as well. I'd rather not betray my family's trust in me, just because he betrayed my trust in him. - 5 months ago
Answerer
Oh, I'm sorry I assumed that you had. ^^; I'm glad you will if you're planning to though, it's just safer that way. I think it was right to tell your family, no sense in having them upset at you when you are the one who has been wronged. Good luck to you, this is a difficult situation. =-/ - 5 months ago
Oh, and when you see him this weekend. act cold. and hurt. When he tries to talk to you, say that you're not in the mood to talk. If he asks why or whatever, tell him your hurt and confuse. See what he does.
If you really love him and you want it to work. Then forgive him and move on. But you have to keep in mind that, it is possible for him to do this again. And the next time might be more than a hicky. Also, the fact that he didn't voluntarily tell you what really happened, shows that it will be hard to trust him. Say you didn't see the hicky, do you think you would've known about this other girl he made out with? If it were me (still wanting to see if it would work out or not), I would give him a hard time. Like, tell him I need a break. And make him miss me like crazy. You said he cried, but. when a girl cheats on a guy, she cries about it too - some of them do. Make him pay for what he did. don't let him back in so easy. It will prove to you that he is TRULY sorry, and that maybe he won't do it ever again.
He said he was planning on telling me but couldn't think of the words at the time. I believe him on this though cause he can't keep secrets very well (never has been able to according to his friends either). - 5 months ago
Answerer
Oh ok.. my bad. It'll still be hard to trust him though... right? - 5 months ago
Question Asker
Yea, I've had problems with fully trusting people since I can remember :( I have maybe two people other than my family that I trust completely. He was getting there but just lost that, obviously. I feel like he's worth it though, & I wanna trust him. - 5 months ago
Answerer
I understand. But don't you think you should put him in his place? I mean, if you let him off easily, then he might think.. he can do it again, since his Girlfriend is sooo nice and understanding. you know what I mean? vs., if he had to work for your trust back.... for you back.. Don't push it too much though, because it might push him away. Like I said, just act distant.. and hurt.. he should feel your pain, and try to make things better. - 5 months ago
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When: 5 months ago
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