Future in law issues...please help!

WOW there are allot of good answers in here and I'll be marking you all up a peg her in just a minute. Let me see if I can add my two cents worth and not just do a summary or a repeat.

This really reminds me of my friends wedding that I just got back from this weekend. He had issues with his step mom wanting to invade and take over the wedding but he put his foot down and said that if she was going to be pushy about it then they weren't invited to the wedding. I myself have written an article that was published on this website and one of the things that I listed to watch out for was if a person can't move away from their family to be closer to you. It doesn't mean that they can't be close to there family but it means that they don't let there family invade your lives!

This is your wedding. I can see having a baby at the wedding there shouldn't be a problem with that. As far as you wanting to keep your last name I do understand his part of it. Girls always dream of there weddings and guys hope that there future wives will take there last names. However, I can respect a girl wanting to keep her last name and if she is good enough to marry then she can keep her last name.

As far as his mother you need to stand up for yourself and remove him away from her. You need to be Bridezila in this case to get the wedding you want. You can yell and scream at her and you have a right too if your future husband can't. Then I suggest after the wedding making plans to move away from his parents and not letting him communicate with them as it seems like they have him around there little fingers and not yours. Seriously if it was me I would be telling my mother/sisters to shut up and go jump in a lake. The bridal party should have been your decision. The problem is that he can't stick up for himself let alone you.

I would suggest that you sit him down and explain to him that this is unfair to you. You should not be pressured into making his sisters apart of the wedding but since they are now they need to sit still and be quiet. Tell him that if he won't stand up to his mother then you will. He will probably make his concerns known but tell him that this is your wedding and not hers. She has no business pushing you and should only be there to support you when you need it. His sisters seem spoiled and I think that if she wants to have the baby at the wedding then fine.But she can't be in the wedding party.

If you truly want to marry this man then good for you, but you will need to be the back bone that your future husband doesn't have. You will probably need to help him grow apart from his mother because this is an unhealthy relationship for both you and him. This is the deciding factor and if his mother see's that she can walk all over you on your wedding day (the day that almost all girls get there way no questions asked) Then she will continue to do it and I can foresee a divorce in the future. So stick up for yourself and good luc

Two thoughts came to mind as I read your question. First, is he marrying you or his mother? He has to make a choice, and you need to make it clear you are not marrying into his family, and he is not marrying into your family. You are each choosing to leave your birth family to begin a family of your own. While parental, and familial advice should be welcome, parental, and familial demands should not be endured. God is taking each of you, as individuals, and beginning the process of making you into something more than you could possibly be separately. Marriage is about both of you agreeing to build a joint identity that brings together aspects of two individuals and makes one, dynamic team. If he plans to subject you to his family, walk away, he is married to his mother already, and that makes a crowded marital bed.

BTW: White roses were traditionally a sign of mourning. The role they played in a wedding was one where the bride and groom, each gave their mothers a white rose to signify the death of that relationship as the primary, and the lighting of a unity candle signified that the new couple were both focused on each other first, no matter what came their way. Of course the relationship with God comes first since you can't have a healthy relationship with anyone, including yourself, without a healthy relationship with God.

The Second thought was that, since you are the bride, it is your wedding. If he is not willing to stand up to his family and protect you before the wedding, what makes you think he would protect you from anyone, or anything after the wedding, including himself. If he doesn't respect you enough to invest in your relationship now, you can expect it to get worse later. You are a precious gift that God is preparing to give to him. If he can't see, and treat you like the princess you are, why would you want that. If his mother and siblings can't respect you enough to let you have your own wedding plans, maybe they need to stop forcing their opinions on you and start listening to you. Maybe, if they actually cared about you, and your groom, they would invest some time in getting to know why you feel the way you do, rather than steam rolling you.
I know I had reasons for having a small, outdoor, wedding. Some of them were practical, like cost and the beauty of the location. Some of the reasons were unhealthy, like the fact I didn't trust the church, so I didn't want to get married in one. I was my wife's third husband, and she was my only, or so I thought, wife. However, she never rearranged her priorities to fit a marriage and, almost nine years into it, she exercised her escape clause for the final time.
Your groom may be a mama's boy but, he needs to become your man. He can do whatever he wants with his family of origin, as long as he makes sure you are taken care of first. You are a blessing to him. If he can't see how precious you are, which the wording of this question proves, he doesn't deserve you.

one word needed Elope

That's good news. Just make sure that he follows through. You don't want to find out that he was just saying that so that you can get the wedding rolling.

Good luck!

Wow, it sounds like (no disrespect to you) everyone is forgetting about the wedding and what it is really supposed to be about. When I got married, my own family and future in-laws tried to take over and make it personal and about what they wanted. My fiance and I quickly shut that notion down and let everyone know that it was our day and it would go on the way we wanted it to. We didn't leave room for people to think they could dictate our day or make us feel guilty about ANYTHING.

This should be a time when you and your hubby to be are in bliss. You two are about to make a commitment in front of GOD and HE doesn't care about whose baby is present, how many bridesmaids you have or your last name. Remember what's important and relax. This is your day and it should be drama free.

Good luck, Bride-to-Be.

weddings are suppose to be special. it's suppose to commemorate an important step in your life and bring families closer together instead of ripping them apart.

i agree with what the ladies have said, put the breaks on NOW! no wedding until you sort everything out. when you look back, you'll be glad that you did. what's a few heartaches compared to a lifetime of them? you have to be bold if you want to really be heard in this relationship because your fiance's not going to take the initiative of asking you what you want when he's being so selfish. I've always made this rule for myself. you always have to be number 1 in the eyes of your partner (there are a few exceptions to this rule). I will never settle for anything less than number one or 'almost'. I want to be the best and that's how your fiance should be treating you.

anyway, good luck. I really hope things work out, but if they don't it's not the end of everything. it just means that he's not the one for you.

yikes. ok, it seems like there are some underlying issues here. if he can't stand up for you and is constantly siding with his family.it seems like he'll just keep doing that. my sister is in a similar situation only that she's dating the guy not getting married to him yet. *knock on wood* her boyfriend constantly puts her interests 2nd to that of his family. if his sister who happens to be married asks him to come over to fix their computer, he's there even if he winds up staying over night he'll do it. my sis didn't mind it at first, but this has been a habitual thing, causing him to cancel on dates with her. there are some other issues too, but what I'm saying is, it's hard to get in between family and your significant other. they know his weaknesses more and will use it against him. like maybe make him feel guilty. they are a bunch of control freaks who will surely try to control you through him, is that what you want for your future?

it also doesn't help that he has 3 women in his lives, his mother and 2 sisters. it seems like a never ending battle. you need to stand your ground now because if you don't, if you do end up with this guy, they will only wreak havoc for you in the future. they'll be expected to be the godmother of your children, be there for all the birthdays, expect you to come to any family gathering, like x-mas or thanksgiving even if it means canceling on your own family. if you want your fiance to take you seriously, do not use threats. this kinda guy needs a big shocker. if things don't change, as expensive as it may sound, I'd put the wedding off much longer. how can you marry a man who can't even stand up for himself? it's like his this sad puppy who's lost without his owner (aka his mother and 2 sisters)? to be honest, I don't think you should even be thinking of a wedding right now. what you need to is to get everything out in the open and discuss every important thing with your fiance. from wedding and in-law issues to how many kids you want, who you want as the godparents to be, etc. maybe try writing everything down on paper before you tell him so that you don't miss anything. ask him to do the same. if he's unwilling to listen to you then write him a letter. sometimes people need to sort things out alone and are at a loss for words when in a discussion, especially a heated one. if you find that he's uncompromising and would rather bend over for his family than you, then I'm sorry to say but don't even think of having a wedding. at the end of the day, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. if he likes pleasing the females of his family more than the most important lady in his life then this man is not for you. I know it sounds so extreme and hurtful but it's a reality check. I know you love him a lot but at the same time, you should be with someone who is willing to stand up for you through the calms and the storms even if it's against his own family.

i'm really sorry you have to put up with this.

you are absolutely rite! compromise with him and if that doesn't work then flat out tell him look if you get to have the baby at the wedding then I get to keep something dear to me. hopefully its just wedding stress and all that stuff

This seems to be your first major issue in your relationship. The way he is caving to his family now is showing you how he will cave on MANY other issues that will come up in your marriage, the next one being kids. He isn't being your defender and this has caused many a divorce. If he can't stand up for the woman he loves, then why is he there?

This is YOUR wedding and if you guys can't act like a unit now, then, sorry to say, it's only going to get worse down the road.

If it were me, I'd call off the whole dang thing until some issues were straightened out, like WHOSE wedding it REALLY is. I have seen too many relationships bite the dust when they have started out this way.

I would put on the breaks immediately.

Good luck!