I'm in a pretty rough spot in my life right now, I had been dealing with depression and adhd for a number of years but let my pride get in the way of getting help. I had always used girls/sex in an attempt to curb my depression; but as outlets so often do, it failed to help. Me and this girl met freshman year, and we could both just tell something was different with each other. we tried dating later that year and it was obvious we just weren't ready. so we kinda did our own thing over the summer, but toward the end of summer things started heating up between us. I then started dating this girl at the beginning of fall semester, and I've never been happier than I have been with her. if I hadn't screwed up so badly, id be proposing to her once I had the money to at least but a decent payment down on a ring. things were great and I was doing well in school and everything was going well for me. then the season started to turn, and things slowly started declining in other aspects of my life, aside from the relationship which was still amazing. I suffer from seasonal affect, which is a form of depression based on the weather, and as things kept declining and the weather got worse, I slowly fell deeper into my depression until I got to the point where I really could not pull myself back up. This happened the summer before as well, but the summer improved my mood and everything. I wound up cheating on her with a girl that meant absolutely nothing to me, a few times, and randomly kissed a few other girls. all this did was further fuel my depression because I hated myself for doing something that I knew would devastate somebody that I care about and love so much ; however, I couldn't pull myself out of the destructive cycle I was in. finally, everything culminated into me currently being a semester away from failing out of a near ivy-league institution, losing my work study job, and nearly losing the girl of my dreams. were currently trying to work through things and there's obviously fighting, but she knows everything there is to know now.why I did it, what's wrong in my life, how I feel about her.and I know exactly how she feels. she says she loves me and wants to make things work; yet she refuses to make the effort because she's afraid to get her hopes up. things are amazing when were together, yet when were apart its as if she's miserable because she feels like she should hate me and what not for what I did. I mean I understand her lack of trust, but why would she let her fear get in the way of being happy?
Update: Also, I forgot to put this in cause I didn't know how much room I had.im currently going to talk to a therapist weekly and on adhd meds and taking all the necessary steps
5 months ago
I'm sorry but you need a bit of tough love. She's scared because she can't depend on you. She may know why you did it but you still hurt her deeply and those scars will only be able to heal over time. Here is my advice. You need to help your self before you can repair and enjoy your relationship to it's fullest. Don't let pride stand in your way! Go to counseling. Often times talk therapy can be better than a pill. You need to get your own life on the right tracks. This act alone will show her your willing to change and push her to start making an effort as well. She has every right to be wary of you but she's giving you a second chance no matter how guarded she seems. Take it! If you truly love her. Change your ways so you can love her and have her trust you and love you back. The ball is in your court. Do something.
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