How can you tell if a man is guarding his true feelings or if he is being honest with you?--I have a strange situation, my friend ( I am a little in love with) sends all the signs that he cares for me more than as a friend--eye contact, behavior, body language, and he trust me with information & money (wifey type things), he has been caught gazing at me in a romantic- adoring way by others. He is completely honest with me about things I don't even think I am privy to. He calls me as often as he can (he works on a cruise ship, so phone calls are expensive and not frequent), he is very comfortable with me and loves that I have a great relationship with his mother. He blurted out, there is something there with us, when I visited him while he was on his 2 month vacation. But when angered denied that I took it the way it was meant, claiming "we are just friends, " when I needed clarity of what that meant. He seems to test me, intentionally make me jealous with other woman a lot. We have slept together twice, but my emotional connection was instant. We have a lot in common from religion to fashion- entertainment choices to music. We would probably have a successful relationship, but he continues to deny anything exists. He has abandonment issues (mother went to work abroad and grand mom that raised him died young), trust issues (women cheated, etc.), and self esteem issues. He is from a very poverty stricken place where approx. 65% of residents are unemployed and academia leaves much to be desired. I come from generations of successful business owners and professionals (lawyers, doctors, college proff, etc). I am a bit extravagant in my dress (Dior, Louboutin, Blahniks) and have been told on many occasion that I am intimidating to approach. I am attractive, confident, and well educated, friendly, extrovert--and I think he feels intimidated by that, which is causing him to be even more guarded. He seems to try and find flaws in me to further deny. He selects the women completely opposite of me in all ways to deal with. He is a Leo, apparently they need the spotlight on them, but I am me and he was excepting of that until he found out I had a little $$. He began to be a bit different. I never brag or demean him or ever intentionally make him feel bad. But I think he feels inadequate--he comes from a machisimo culture and has to feel like the bread winner. At home he supports his mother, nieces, and even his best friend. Do you think besides changing who I am, I can make him see that I want him---all else is meaningless to me? Is there a way I can encourage him to let his guard down and not to be intimidated by those differences? When you care about someone your body won't let you hide it, and his doesn't, how can I aide him in opening up with out pressure that might cause him to close off more? Circumstances and things that have happened are too crazy to discuss, divine even. I want him to be honest with himself. How do I do this? Help PLEASE!
Normally, I would tell you to tell him exactly how you feel and move on from there. With your case, I cannot advise that just yet. I have to ask you upfront. If you were to tell him you want to be with him exclusively, what exactly would you expect him to do (provided he even agrees) with regards to his job, family, and financial commitments? Would you ask him to quit his job to be home (around you) more often? Would you expect him to leave his financial committments (Mother, nieces, friends) for you to pay? If the answer is yes to both, I would then tell you to find him a decent paying job (through your family connections) that is nearby that he would be both qualified for and feel that it would/could be an earned position to which he could excel in given his talents. It would be best if he were offered this opportunity on one of his 2 month vacations from his current job, so that if it were not to work out, he could always return to his cruise ship no better or worse. Another helping hint would be to tone down your current lifestyle. Shop at Wal-Mart for a while (and wear the stuff too!) to let him know that you are not all about the bling-bling. This would be to avoid the problem of where he would constantly feel the need or "pressure" to have to provide the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed. Save a few dollars by buying Payless shoes instead of Blahniks or Choos, and send the savings to his Mother, nieces, friends (me? LOL!). Whatever you decide, I think you should at least tell him how you feel, and that you want something more than just friends. It could be that he likes his lifestyle (on a cruise ship going from port to port - ? You know what they say about sailors? "A girl in every port.") and would not want to give it up to be with you exclusively. As for your situation, I feel that you would not want to be just another girl in another port, so maybe buy a boat yourself and hire him to work it and become a "silent" partner in his own little business venture or something. I don't know what else to tell you. This is a tough one. Hope it works out for you. Good luck and "Bon Voyage".
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