I've fallen for my best friend and told her how I felt a few months ago. She said she wasn't ready for another relationship and not to take it personally and that she'd NEVER get back with her ex because he did some major damage. But she also said not to give up on her "because you never know what could happen."
Over the past few months she's been telling me about how he still tries to put her down, been making her life miserable basically. From what I've picked up on the guy when we met is that he really is just a total ass, he's basically thrown it out there he's just in it for sex.
Now a few days ago she texts me asking what she should do. But the opener killed me and I tried to be as unbiased as I could. So she's "back" with her ex. The same one who's been calling her a slut, a whore, stupid, and just the whole list of female degradations possible, all the while making her cry. So my she ended up going through his texts and found out that he was trying to get with another girl but couldn't do anything with her this weekend because she was on her period.
As her best friend all I could do is give her my honest opinion about the guy and let her know she's just going to get burned again, but at the same time as the guy who's fallen madly in love with her I can't help but feel she's kinda lied to me. And I'm really having trouble maintaining the whole best friend persona, each day that passes by I already feel that she's slipping away.
When she first turned me down I told myself that I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than not in my life at all, but lately with this new drama and set of feeling my heart torn out, I'm finding hard to feel for her.
So what I'm trying to ask is, why did she go back to her ex that has made her feel like garbage time and time again? How deep do feelings run for someone who's broken up a relationship on bad terms?
Probably because she is used to him. She was with him before and regardless of his behaviour, she feels comfortable going back to him. She has probably spent a lot of time with him in the past and is familiar with dating him. My ex was also a huge jerk, but I can't help but still like him, even though I know I shouldn't.
he must have done something to her that she liked. like took her to a special place or did something special or just did something special that made her think of those times instead of the times where he called her a slut, whore, etc. She thinks that maybe he changed, and that he really likes her for her. you need to show her that you care more than him, and are better than him. don't try and come inbetween their relationship, though. that causes trouble. just try and be "really good friends with her" and let her know what she is missing out on and what she likes more than that jerk that she's back together with.
why don't you ask her? people become much more comfortable with what is familiar and are afraid of feeling the hurt and the loneliness. I think its best if you tell her that she is treating herself badly - nd since she has no respect for herself (and apparently you) that you no longer have respect for her either and you need to get on with your life. there is no use for you staying in a relationship that is one sided, and is just hurting YOU. she won't love you because of this, but maybe just maybe she'll realized she lost a friend due to her stupidity. don't take her back as a friend until she's changed herself and her life.
Your must be in a tough spot. Going back to exes are quite normal. People are creatures of habits and they go back to their exes because it is something they are comfortable or use to. It may be an abusive relationship but it is still something they grew accustomed to. It takes a lot of work by that person to make a conscious decision to not go back. As you can tell from all this, you cannot change your best friend's decision of going back, and she cannot change her ex from being abusive. Change can only happen within that person, and it has to be a personal choice. I think it's best to think about yourself at this point because it sounds like being her best friend is really hurting you. Be honest with yourself about what you want and follow your instinct even though it may be hard initially.
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(Age:18 to 24)
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