I am in a very complicated situation.My boyfriend and I met about 3yrs ago,Amazing and more intense than any of my 2 previous long term relationships so I knew it was special.He was leaving for eastern Canada and then to Europe in 6months.already had the visa and tickets booked and all.we talked on the phone twice a day,every day.i went to visit for 2 weeks.I was back home in University full time,so I could not stay or go longer.then he went over to London and communication got shorter and shorter.he kept stringing me along and saying he wasn't sure when he'd be back.We didn't talk for a month,he'd write a random email.bullshit, I had had enough,I was very angry at how he could treat someone,especially me like that.Few more months go by, and he comes home,calls me and I not sure what to do.I have all this hatred and hurt but all the wonderful memories and longing to be with him. The first time I see him, it hits me hard.all my emotions came flooding back and I just wanted to be in his arms.So I did.He told me how sorry he was and that he knew he didn't deserve me, but he just needed me so much.I know stupid girl right! So his plan was to be in Canada for 4 months with a male friend he brought back from London, and then go back.So I thought I would just play it and see how it went.Everything was good,closer than ever.He was at my house and checked his emails, then he passed out as I did my homework.I ended up checking them( bad I know) and found tonnes of msgs from all these girls.a few he was actually dating and ones that musta been one night stands also.I found out that he got a girl pregnant and she had to have an abortion.ya I know.I was so disgusted and fuming! At this point I was really unsure what to do, going so good,didn't want to go through that hurt and pain again without him.I must mention that all this would have happened while we weren't really speaking, and I was no angel either.So I kept it in and didn't tell him I knew.Things kept going really well, better each day and we were more in love each day.The time came for him to go back to UK.I moved in with his parents to save $$ and he left.We spoke on the phone everyday planning my trip once school was done.I was going to London.I got there, it was great! Worked there at hostel/nightclub for 4 months and then booked tix to Aus.Night before we leave, this girl comes up to me and says that he cheated on me with her before I got there and with other hostel girls. WOW hey? not.great. So I know what I wanna do but we have this huge trip planned and all paid for.So I go on the trip and go my own way a bit, but we end up making amends, after about 4 months of rollercoaster emotions and hell. We are in Aus now, things are good.He treats me like a princess and does everything for me, to show his eternal thanks for my giving him another chance. I do check into his email here and there 2 see, no sign of anything. Everything is cool, but did I do the right thing? Can I LOVE him? How do I forgive and trust?
If you want to believe in the forgiveness you have given, you have to live it. You have to believe in yourself. To love someone takes very intense, strong feelings that connect your brain, heart and soul together. It's the one thing that all three agree on. As far as trust goes, that comes from the forgivineness and love being true.
I'd say that if he does sneak out on you again, you'll know something is up since it was pretty obvious when he did it before (lack of communication). Also if he does cheat again, don't get angry or upset, since it's clear he is capable of it. Just leave him. You could make this work, but to get upset over something he's done before is counter productive for you.
Well, it sounds like you made the decision to forgive him, but want to know how to make it real. The key to that is to talk it over with God and see what He wants to do about it. He will bring up stuff for you to grieve, sometimes even in public. Let it happen and don't try to make excuses, like "he did his best." All that is, is an excuse for not processing the pain he caused you. You have to acknowledge that he hurt you, how he hurt you, and let the grieving process take you as deep as you need to go for as long as you need to be there.
If you give God the reigns, He will make sure everything comes up, in the right order, to bring about the healing necessary for forgiveness to become real, and complete. You will know when you ahve grieved something well, when God brings some levity into the situation. Only God can make you laugh coming out of deep grief.
Grief is the process of expelling the pain from your body and allowing the tears to irrigate the wound so Christ can debried it and suture it closed. Of course He will allow it to be massaged so that the callous in your heart will dissolve and you will be able to feel again but, again, He only allows things to happen as they need to happen so He can heal and utilize you to bring others into His healing presence. Forgiveness is complete when it becomes natural to wish the other person well, even when they do something that reminds you of the previous pain. It is interesting that our trust transfers to God,a s we go through this process, so when someone does something to hurt us again, we are able to focus on Christ and see the pain the other person was reacting to when they did whatever they did.
Most, if not all, of the pain in the world is caused by those in pain, reacting to their pain, rather than the situation they are experiencing at the time.
That a lot to go through for a guy you seem to not really know. You are going to end up getting really hurt. I would not get any closer to this guy. He got one girl pregnant, THAT YOU KNOW OF! You've had other women come to you about him. What would you base your relationship on? Deception, promiscuity, and flat out lies?
If he really loved you, he would come clean about what he is doing and how he really is. You deserve at least that much. And don't think for a moment he hasn't figured out you are checking his email.
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