The check-list guy?

To answer the comments I'd say "yes".

Yes, they can be that insecure. But really, how did you "show" them that you enjoyed the conversation so much, and that you thought they were "worth it"? People fake things in polite society all the time, so acting like you enjoyed someone's company may not convince them that you did in and of itself. Also, there's the possibility that they feel they made a good first impression, but don't think they could maintain it over extended meetings, so leaving you with a good picture is better than ruining it over time.

In this day and age, there's lots of insecurity to throw around. Usually when someone's got a self-esteem problem it's because of a prior relationship or experience with the opposite sex. (Or because of their parents, I suppose.) But 2) is likely yes as well.

You must realize the power of not knowing what to say. It's easy to ask questions; they get you talking and interested in the conversation since it's about you. Sometimes it's not about insecurity; does a squirrel have to be insecure to freeze in the headlights of a truck? Without a script to go by, it can feel like that. There's no reasoning behind it, you're just a bundle of nerves, and you have no idea what to do.

Then there's the stereotype problem. They way things were before affect the way things are now. Lots of things have changed regarding men and woman in society, in the workplace, in the home, everyewhere. In more and more ways, girls and guys are just "people", and have more in common than they might think. So holding onto traditional ways of doing things is really not going to work.

For instance, more girls need to start being the instigators in this kind of situation Why? Because it's generally accepted, and widely held (and often true) that all men want/think about is sex. So every time we talk to you, we think that YOU think we are trying to get in your pants, and that's all. Sometimes we're even suspicious of our own motives, becasue a lot of times we have a such a strong attraction, one that makes us feel helpless and stupid - or at least a bit confused - that we can't necessarily justify it to ourselves. So we might not want to show to much blatant interest.

Girls probably worry about coming across as easy, but I don't think a guy is going to take a girl's interest as "she wants to f*** me" so much as a girl will take a guy that way.

So, if you're interested in a guy, don't wait for him to be traditional and make the move, because there's lots of viable justifications he has for not doing so. We're talking the shy/complex personality type of guy, and that's just it: it's complicated! We've got all sorts of reasons balanced against each other for why we are the way we are. When we're too smart for our own good, we frequently can come to absolutely no decision about important things - because we're so adept at seeing both sides of things, we stalemate ourselves.

I'm definitely a number 2. Talked with like my girlfriend for like 7 months before she asked me out to one the dances (where girls ask guys) and then I asked her out on a date a few weeks after, I still count it as her making a move first though.

And mostly it's because talking to you gives us a bit more confidence about being around you. It pretty much has nothing to do with how you answer the questions (unless it's something huge like your a hardcore religious person and always bring it up and try to convert me). We kind of lull ourselves into thinking you don't really like us if you don't show that you're enjoying us talking to you (and yes we're really bad at taking hints).

Like, when I was talking to my girlfriend it kind of got to the point where I would say something and she'd respond with "k" or "kool" and then kind of leave it at there. Kind of made me believe that I was probably boring her and that she was probably talking to like 5 other people at the same time.

And to a guy if he REALLY likes you, you're like too good for words to explain, and when we think of you there's like sunshine in the background. Makes us feel kind of insignificant, what really did it for me was her telling me all the things she liked about me.

At your age most guys have at least grown some and gotten a bit of confidence and instinct over the years to know when a good thing has just hit them. It's mostly the highschoolers, and maybe college freshman who hole themselves up in their little safety-bubble before they outgrow it.

Then they're still a #2 but they get it a lot sooner. =p

Dammit, I just wrote all of this and erased it somewhow. Now I have to write again:

After reading your comments on my answer, wounded, I got curious and came to to see your question(s). I think I may have fresh input on this one.

You do have it right, sometimes, about "living up to what I am". For instance, if you mention that you like to dance to some shy-guy with two left feet, he might think, "Oh, she wouldn't want to date me becasue eventually she'll want to go dancing, and that means she'll have to dance with other guys instead of me." (We assume that's what dancing is for.)

More often however, a checklist guy is actually going through the following:

He likes you. He decides to talk to you, so on his own time he figures out all of these things that he can say to keep a conversation going. Where are you from, what music do you like, blah blah blah. Maybe he's made this checklist beforehand, because of another girl, and relies on it when an unexpected moment comes. Either way, armed with this arsenal of tools, he marches off to the batlefield.

Everything seems fine at first, but then a horrible thing happens: he runs out of questions! Now what?! Having traversed the normal, casual hghways of small talk, he finds himself now at the end of the road, and even more telling, he's facing a cliff. His only options are to jump, and hope that you catch him, or go back to where he came from. Looking at it like this, it's hopefully easy to see why a lot of guys have trouble jumping. After all, if he jumps, he can't "unjump", but if he goes away he can always come back.

Basically, when he runs out of stuff to say, the moment comes where a confident guy would then ask you for your number, or for what time you're getting off work, or whatever the hell one is supposed to do at this point. But the shy-guy either doesn't know what to do, or doesn't know how to do it, or just chickens out, so he goes away. He probably fully intends to come back, unless he feels like the conversation was really awkward (he likely does); then he might not want to try for fear of reminding you he's a douche.

But even if he intends to return, he has a hard time thinking of things to say that aren't pushy/desparate/boring/weird/[insert fear here] so he never comes back.

I would have to say this is what's happening a majority of the time. Obviously if he makes the effort to talk in the first place he's showing some interest in you. I actually did this to a girl at work recently. I was going to tell the whole story, but I'm running out of room. Basically lots of smiling and extended glances when at a distance, from her as well as me. One day I decided to talk to her; I did the whole checklist thing, and haven't talked to her since. (In my case she actually has a boyfriend, and there's a huge cultural difference in that she's Asian and speaks somehwat broken english, so my hands are, really, somewhat tied. But damn, she's sooo cute.)

I think the guys are just shy and can't make the first move.


Also, it is possible the guys find out they aren't interested in you, but really, I think most of time they are just too shy.

Sounds like number 2 is more interested in knowing about you and becoming perhaps your friends. Friends are suppose to know way more about you than the guy you date.

Now what could also be happening is that life wants you to take a chance if your so interested in guy number 2 but they are too shy, you should be the one making the first subtle move make sure your not all over him but make sure you show him your interested enough so that they aren't scared to make the move.

Sometimes in life you meet people who are jsut so interesting but turn out to be nothing but friends, because I don't know about you but I kno I rather have someone I could talk forever and have things in common with rather than have them and break up with them and never speak to them its like a waste of friendship.