Here is my story I know people judge people for cheating and I know its not right but here it goes I have been dating jesse for 2 years we have 1 kid together well about 6 months ago he went to jail for something he lied and said he didn't do but he did before he went to jail we were barely talking and always fighting. Now also I shall ad this in In january I had my now ex best friends bro give me a ride home after a night at the bar and he took advantage of me I did not know though anyways so jesse went to jail and told me to f*** off so I went to the bar and ended up going home with my best friends brother then jesse and I started doing fine but chuck was coming around all the time jesse knew nothing about him he is jelouse so I couldn't have guy friends well chuck and I started dating jesse found out he was like ok well break up with him so I tried to break up with chuck but he wouldn't go away and I didn't want to mess up his sisters wedding she was getting married and I was her maid of honor NOT ne more. So I told jesse it was over when I mean it was I wasnt sleeping with him. But I didn't actually come out and say we are done. So I lied and told jesse we were done well I told chuck I needed space and finally broke up with him ( I was letting chuck buy me gas and cigs pretty much just using him for his money) I know that's wrong I have 3 kids and he helped out. well jesse got out of jail so I broke up with chuck told him to f*** off and he argued with me about it and I told him to go away and not to call me so instead he got jesses number and texted him and shit hit the fan they both confronted me and it was a mess well it is all out on the table now and jesse informed me that like 8 months ago (when I forgave him) when he brought this girl home he said nothing happened well he lied they had sex he said it was only for 2 mins but its still sex you know but now he doesn't trust me which I don't blame him and I am truly sorry. I know people say you don't love some one if you cheat on them but I honestly to love him. I push and ruin everything I love I don't know why but I do. how to I prove to him that I do love him and that I'm not going to cheat on him EVER AGAIN we are still together but he constantly reminds me of what I have done to him and calls me a trick and other names I know he is hurt and he says if you were sorry you would have never done it in the first place. I can say I have never fought for anything in my life and when I think about him not being in my life I would rather die and I can't just be friends it hurts to much I know I've messed up in the worst way possible. I know I love him I feel it every time we kiss not just on my lips but in my entire body. when I look into his eyes I get the tingly feeling in my chest and when he touches me anywhere I get goosebumps even thinking about him makes me feel this way and I have never showed him I love him. What can I do I'm afraid to lose him. I was afraid of love before all of this PLEASE HELP
So to summarize, you cheated on him, he cheated on you, but yet he does make sure to remind /you/ how you cheated on him.
It sounds like Jesse has the upper hand on you because you permit him to put you down and you don't fight back. You both screwed up and if you both want to make it work then /both/ of you need to wipe the slate clean!
Doing that is not easy but then usually the best things in life don't come easily to everyone so I think you need to do less "fighting for the relationship" and let Jesse decide whether he loves you enough to forgive you.
You've got to lay it on the line for him because there is nothing worse, in my mind, than to have to seek constant approval from your supposed love one.
Man this is hard to read and even harder to relate to. I've got an urge to tell you to just go on Springer and get it over with. That's coming from a horribly mean and petty side of me though, so I think I'll ignore it.
You don't need this jailbird or the other guy. There's no future with either of them. Forget this part of your life. Seriously, just move on and forget it as though it was something you saw on TV. What you need is to work on bettering yourself for you and your kids. Get a job that pays enough that you don't need these guys for their money and then take some classes and look to put yourself in a position to provide for your children on your own. It won't be easy, but if you go through with it I think the outcome would be worthwhile. There are three other people depending on you. Even if you don't think you're worth the effort, I hope you realize that they are.
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