Im having a affair and I need some advice on what to do?

I'm going to take a very unpopular stance here. You and your husband are both wrong in your actions and behavior. And here's why

#1. 3 years and 7 months add up to 43 months. Most car loans are only 48 months. So your telling me that it took you 36 months to figure out your husband was abusive. I didn't think so either.

#2. What were your reasons for marriage 7 months ago? And in this time period, what has changed.

#3. In your question, your very insulting towards your husband. Your very quick to judge his relationship with his mother. What kind of relationship do you have with your father? Are you a daddy's girl maybe? My whole point is that your no better than your husband verbal abuse, by insulting him on the internet. At least he's not hiding his frustrations with the situation.

#4. You should have tried counseling or other sources to work out your marriage first. Instead of being unfaithful, which makes you just as bad as him in a different aspect, you were quick to give up on your situation. It's couples like you, that explain high divorce rates. I know your probably super pissed off calling me all kinds of nasty words by now, but if you have any amount of intellect you will understand that I'm not trying to insult you at all. The truth is sometimes hard to hear, and I refuse to give you an answer here that everyone else has. You mentioned the magic words "physical abuse", as soon as a woman says that, everyone assumes that your just a 110% victim. I don't know why you were abused, and I will say that I don't agree that it is acceptable. I would never abuse my spouse, but the thing all of these mindless sheep forget is the circumstance that leads up to this.

Where did the 2 of you go wrong? what led up to these events. What did you do wrong that your willing to take responsibility for? Your no angel and neither is he.

#5. You met a great guy, ok fine. Now your in the false sense that your evil husband will die off and you can live happily ever after.well now think of this. You met a man during the course of infidelity. What do you think will happen when you 2 try to develop a relationship built on an affair. He cheated with you, next it will be cheating on you! If you think I'm wrong, guess again. Even if he never does cheat on you, the thought will always be in your mind. You'll always wonder.and he will too.

I'm sorry this has all has become a bad situation, but you need to grow up, sit down. talk to your spouse, try to exhaust efforts to fix your life, then go from there.
it takes 2 people to do wrong. And you may hate me for my honesty, but it's all I have to offer you. Your both wrong, and you need to fix it. Sex with some other guy isn't going to help. If it did. I wouldn't be writing this to you right now and you know it. So try doing something you will love yourself for later. be the better person here and do what is ethical and right. maybe then you'll thank me. good luck - j

Make sure this other guy who you are having an affair with will be committed to you if you get a divorce. I find the fact that your husband holds his mother number one and his wife number two appalling! He is not living with his mother, he is not sharing a bed with his mother, and I hope he is not f***ing his mother. Any wife should be the number one woman in a man's life (daughters can be the only exception). Also if he's abusive, he's trash.

Get a divorce now! Start to separate your assets, expenses, and bank accounts. Keep records of what bills you pay and what bills he pays, because they might be useful for your lawyer. While you are at it find some boxes, gather your things, and move out ASAP. You will never find the happiness you deserve with your CURRENT (and future ex) husband!

there is no excuse for abuse in any form, you know your miserable.this is what we call a "NO_BRAINER" GET out now and cut your losses! you cheated.so clearly the love is not there.what more clues do you NEED?

Agree with your new lover.

If you are unhappy and he does not do it for you anymore then why stay with him? You can recover from physical abuse but the mental abusive will last a life time and disintegrate your self esteem until nothing but an empty shell is left of you.

In short, if your husband is really that bad towards you then why stay together? Life is too short to throw it all away like this.

Move out.

If you are unhappy, get some money and move out to your own place. If you are that unhappy and doing nothing, then you will continue to be unhappy. If this new man is worth it, then continue seeing him, or even move in with him.

My mom has been with her boyfriend for 17 years now (kind of like a stepfather now) and he's abusive physically and mentally. I've told her to move out, but I think it scares her that she will not be off well financially and that added dependancy of another person.

She knew him 3 years before she moved in with him, and already he was showing signs that she's with the wrong guy. She now is "mutual" with him, but she's never happy. Because she did nothing. If you have family and relatives, turn to them, they can help you more than you think.

There is no reason for a man to ever be abusive, and that is a massive number one reason to dump someone. Regardless of anything else!

I'm curious as to why you married him if you were upset for 2 years? But anyway, I would highly suggest a divorce. He sounds like a creep for firstly abusing you and secondly making you feel second best! None of those is right! With the divorce, ensure it's fair and he doesn't take all your money.

Regardless of whether your 'new guy' is with you or not after the divorce, the fact is you really need to get rid of your husband before anything else happens!

Good luck!

I agree with everyone. You should get away from him as soon as possible. I should take my own advise. I have been in an abusive relationship for 5 years and it has only gotten worse. There is no excuse for it. I have been with other men to get it in my head that I can do better and that I am still desirable. I have found that it doesn't make me feel any better it just makes me feel like the whore that he calls me. I have got to the point with him that I believe everything that he says to me like I am fat and worthless. I have become the person that he has made me out to be. I hate my life because of it. I wish that I can tell you the magic words to make you leave him but all I can do is give you the advise that people have shared with me.

Leave and don't look back. You deserve way better than that. You will end up driving yourself crazy with this affair and if he finds out he will probably beat you. Then he will make you stay with him and make you feel guilty for it for the rest of your life. Please listen to everyone and take it all in.

It is going to be so hard to leave him. If it wasnt hard you would have already done so. Good luck and stay strong.

Well if your not happy, and you know in your heart you have been treated wrong by your husband, move on girl. You only have one life to live, don't waste your time and energy where it isn't deserved:)