Alright, so in case you haven't read my last few questions (I kinda have a saga goin, ha ha) let me just sum up really fast. Me and John were sleepin together, decided we were not together for the right reasons, decided to be friends but left the door open in case in the future we were ready for more. So we become BEST friends and I end up falling for him HARD. Talk to him about it and find out that this girl he liked before he met me had come back into the picture. Before they had liked each other but she pushed him away and they stopped talking. So now she tells him she still likes him and he says that he still really likes her. Yeah, I love him and he likes her. Sucks!
Well this girl, Bianca, has hated me from the get go. I've never even been formally introduced to her, but all she does is glare out me or pretend I'm not there. Whatever. Boo hoo. But since John has a thing for her and John's my best friend I try to be civil.
Through my heartbreak and (slightly) continuing heartache (just when she's around) me and John's friendship has really grown. We tell each other everything and hang out almost everyday. I sleep more over at his house than I do my own. But nothing happens between us, we just joke around about it.
So we were talking about relationships and I told him that he was bounds and leaps ahead of me cus he likes someone that likes him back. But I guess she's moving away next summer for college so they're never going to be anything. I asked him why they didn't at least try. He said that he wanted to, but she doesn't since she's gonna be leaving anyway and she doesn't want to be involved or do the whole long-distance thing.
To me, if you really care about someone then you make it work. No matter what. That's the way he feels too. So what the hell? What was the point in her declaring how she felt when John and I were getting so close (which, it didn't really stop us only now we're close friends instead) if she wasn't even going to try to make that work? What a bitch! To drag my friend through the dirt and make him feel like crap cus they have feelings for each other but she refuses to act on them. What was the point then? Why would you intentionally hurt someone like that?
I told John to just move on, that there were plenty of great girls out there but he said that she's the one he wants. Yeah, I know how that feels. To want someone that doesn't want you back. I just want to smash her face in. What do I do? As a friend and a girl madly in love with him I want revenge, but I know he cares for her and doesn't want her hurt. I just want him to stop hurting.
yes, the only thing you can do is be there for him, thats the only thing you can do. you got lucky that bianca is the one that did not get into the relationship. if he was the one to reject her that could of been worse. when she didn't go for it she closed the door on that one. he is now fair game. be there for him and let things ride smooth. if it was meant to be it will happen, or should I say if he got feelings for you it will happen. and the reason y I say this is because if you would have closed the door, it would have created problems in the future between yall. he would of said "i rejected the girl I love for you". and things will go down hill from there. white me if you want more details. lol.
Thanks for the advice! So while I'm being here for him, should I try to move on? I mean, he's going to be my best friend no matter what. We're too close for me to just let him go and visa versa. But, if he doesn't have the same feelings for me is there even a possibility that he ever will?? And if not then I should move on, otherwise I'll be like pining away for my best friend, you know? I don't want to, but I don't wanna be that girl either. - 3 months ago
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 3 months ago
I would just say that your best bet is to just be there for him & be a friend to him at this time. There is not much that's going to heal his hurt except time, so the best you can do is be a shoulder for him to cry on. I would be careful to not pursue anything too quickly with him if you are thinking about it, either, because he is hurting and if you do, it's may just hurt and confuse him at this time. So, I would allow him to have time to grieve the relationship that is ending in his life in order for him to be able to move on from her. Yes, that's what ending a relationship is like - It's almost like experiencing the loss of a loved one through death or something. So, you've got to allow him to go through all the stages of grief. There are 5 stages, which I'm not sure I remember all of, but I think they are: shock, disbelief, anger, bargaining and acceptance. (The first two may be a bit different, but you get the hint!) After he's gone through all of his grieving and has finally worked through the acceptance stage, then it may be ok for you to let him know how you feel about him. It's always been suggested, however, not to hook up with someone right after you break up, because rebound relationships don't tend to last. Also, being the "rebound girl" would probably just end up breaking your heart or ruining your relationship with him totally. I do hope, however, that after he goes through his 5 stages, that you will tell him that you like him more than as a friend and that you want more with him than friendship - that you love him, etc. Life is too short to miss out on love, so good luck to you! :)
Awe! Thanks so much!! But actually, I did tell him how I felt. That's when he told me about her. He knows I love him, I'm not exactly trying to hide it. I just try to be supportive and not smothering. There to listen when he needs to talk and cheer him up when he's down, you know? The problem is I worry that he's not letting go of her. And I don't want her to keep dragging him along. Is there anyway I can snap him out of it and make him realize that's what she's doing?? - 3 months ago
Answerer
Well, you could tell him, but if I were you I wouldn't because I think he's wanting to hold onto her, so if you try to make him let go, he may resent you. I think he needs to be able to let go of her in his own timing. They always say that whatever amount of time a person has been in a relationship is about the amount of time it will take to get over that person. Personally, I would move on in my own love life if he is wanting to keep holding on to her, because who knows if it would go anywhere - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah, that's the other thing I was wondering about. I just don't want him to be miserable while I'm out dating around. I wanna be there for him. Not in a cling-on type of way, but as a best friend I want to be there for my best friend. Thanks so much. You've been very helpful. - 3 months ago
Answerer
You're welcome. Yeah, I think you could still be friends with him, but just find someone else to fall in love with because he's evidently in love with her. Good luck! :) - 3 months ago
Well there is basically nothing you can say to make him feel better. Just like you when you were (are) hurting about the situation. No matter what you say, it won't take the pain away. All you can really do is be a friend and a shoulder for him to lean on. As far as the whole why she would tell him she likes him but not want anything.God who knows.girls are dumb! LOL! I should know, I am one and I don't understand myself sometimes. Girls want what they can't have. So maybe she saw him getting close to you and thought she better say something so he stays away from you. Obviously it didn't work, which is a good thing. Long distance things do work to a certain extent, but man they are hard. It takes a lot of hard work, and you said she is going off to college? So maybe she doesn't want to be tied down her freshman year and doesn't want to worry about meeting someone else when she is away. Which is understandable, I know I wanted to just have a good time when I was a freshman in college. There are a million reasons why she could have told him she liked him still. Jealousy of you, wants what she can't have, maybe she does still really care for him but she is scared. Or maybe she is just a bitch, who knows! Either way, if he does still care about her, I wouldn't recommend saying anything mean about her in front of him or defiantly not doing anything to her. That could just hurt your relationship with him. Just be his friend, that's all you can do. And a good friend did tell me once, if you can find a legal way to burn the bitch, then honey go for it! One of my friends was dating this girl and she cheated on him with his boss, who was married by the way. Well instead of getting upset about it, he got even and went to his bosses house and had a nice little chit chat with his bosses wife. Needless to say, his boss is now divorced! Tell John that he deserves much better than someone that is just going to lead him on. Anyone who does that is just shallow, immature, and no one deserves that. John sounds like a good guy so it shouldn't take him too long to find a decent girl. Good luck with everything and make sure to keep me posted!
Ha ha, this one actually made me laugh a little bit. Thanks so much for your advice. Yeah, everyone's been telling me the same thing you did: That she's a jealous bitch and didn't want him to get too close to me. More of a reason to kick her stuck up ass. Ha ha. I know that would cause a problem with my and John though and she's DEFINITELY not worth that. - 3 months ago
just continue to be there like you have been & if you & him are meant to be you will, & the same goes for him, if him & the other girl were meant to be they will. good luck & I hope I helped.
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 3 months ago
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