Let me start by saying we were having some problems and constantly arguing for a while. We have a 2 year old child and have been toghether for 4 years next month. Well 2 months ago she decided to call her ex boyfriend and I found out 2 weeks later by the phone record. Let me say I completely flipped out I was furious about this. She was talking to him every day multiple times a day. For the 2 weeks before I found out. After the storm came the calm and I was DONE completly hurt and betrayed. She was incredibly sorry but told me it wasnt like she wanted to have a relationship with him or anthing like that. So she stopped all contact with him. Then we had another argument and immediatly she began contact again. I freaked again naturally but she ended it again. She says it was purely platonic but I really wonder if it is and I have since pressed the issue again with contantly asking her I there was something going on and immediatly she takes offense and says "I told you once NO and no again" she swears that there was nothing there. But I can't help but thinking there was. She says she was talking to him about her relationship with me. Which made me more irritable at the whole situation. Even told me that her EX told her "THATS a Man to hold on too".
I know the bigger problem here is trust and I really don't think I could ever trust her again after the deception. I told her I could move past it but I really don't think I can. And she makes matters even worse by making it clear to me she doesn't think she did anything wrong. But yet she know it hurt me.
Are my thoughts rational or is it just insecurity on my part. She has never cheated on a boyfriend before. And she left this guy for cheating on her. I don't know any more.
I agree fully with angeldevilwhichone just told you! She's right ask her why she felt the need to go to her ex to talk about your problems and not her mom or a friends or a sibling! And also don't accuse her of anything angeldevilwhichone is also right that will definitely further her more away from you as possible!
the last bit about her never cheating on a boyfriend and also leaving her ex for cheating, sounds like she has fairly strong morals about this issue. which is a good start.
ive spoken to exes about problems with my current boyfriends at the time and really the only reason I did it was becos I was once very close with that person (the ex) and also becos he knew me well. not becos I was interested or wanted something romantic with them.
she is still with you which means she hasn't given up on your relationship despite your problems. I think she probably loves and hasn't done anything behind your back. however, you should probably address the fact that she was going to someone else to talk about your problems, maybe she feels like she can't talk to you about some stuf? you should reassure her that she can talk to you about anything. and tell her that next time something is bothering her that you would really like it if she told you how she was feeling. getting angry at her will only drive her further away. remind her how much you love her and how important it is to you that your relationship is working.
also, what's your gut feeling? do you think she would cheat on you. or are you just an insecure person?
My gut tells me no. But it is not really that its the deception that bothered me. And her lying about the issue. - More than a year ago
Answerer
Yea lying can be very hurtful. just try to remember that no ones perfect and more importantly talk to her about it. don't just leave it to rot cos then you will resent her. - More than a year ago
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