Ok so my fiance has really been doing some bad stuff hanging out with losers choosing bad behavior while he is on probation and I am 8 months pregnant. I did not speak to him for a week because of this. When I finally did he denied some things and admitted some others. Although it was not cheating it was still a huge deal. He is basically hanging out with people who put him at risk; drinking a lot, taking drugs and even staying out all night with a 10pm curfew. I have been talking to him the past 3 days but we are not cool. I can tell he is hurting; he cries a lot and it seems I end up feeling like I am being too hard on him but I have a child to think about now.
I don't say I love you before we hang up the phone and I don't get all involved in conversations. I keep them short and sweet, I am not mean though either. Tonight I saw him and he wanted me to stay the night with him really bad but I refused thinking that it would somehow be telling him that his current behavior is acceptable. He was really upset and hurt and looked sick, I feel bad am I wrong?
Update: NEED AS MANY ANSWERS AS POSSIBLE THIS IS SERIOUS PLEASE GIVE ME INPUT EVERYONE!!
More than a year ago
I think it's good that you upset him and good that you stood your ground. He's screwing up and needs a firm smack across the head. That's not fair to you or to your child. He's got to pull himself together, and patting him on the back and saying "it's okay, do a little better," isn't going to work. Like kingyele said, got to get through his thick skull.
You are not wrong at all. In this situation, you really have to look out for yourself first, your baby second, your man last. When the baby is born, you look out for your baby first, yourself second, your man last.
He also needs to look out for you and your baby first, himself second. Apparently, he is not realizing this.
If I were in your shoes, I'd likely take it even farther. He needs to get his shit together or he should not have the priveledge to be in your life or his child's life. You do not want a drug-user as a role model for your kid.
Underneath his actions, he may be a fantastic guy. He's got one month to pull himself together if he wants to be in your life. Otherwise, you are better off alone. Babies will sense the frustration, anger, unhappiness, stress, etc. going on between the two of you and it'll make your life hell.
You are strong enough to go it alone...so take it as far as you have to in order to get him to clean up. There are good guys out there, don't waste your time on the bad.
asked 3 days ago
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