How to heal together and find some reason?

My comments really are for the situation you're in, not to give you a solution as to what you should do next...
You mention that when your friend gets drunk, she loses it completely, and gets very flirty...Let's just say that I've flirted with lots of drunk girls, and weeks, and even months after the fact, what I learned from these girls was that they got drunk only to have the excuse to say, 'I did so and so because I was drunk..'

However, before they got drunk, they knew what they wanted to do, and they knew they could get away doing it, because then they could say they were drunk. Now, there could be an exception to the rule, but as I was always fascinated with this situation (people getting getting drunk and then saying they did it only because they were drunk), I always went back and asked girls if they really had no idea what they were doing, and none of those I asked told me they were completely out of it. They all basically said, 'oh, I knew what I was doing, but just just the 'I was drunk' excuse to get away with it.'

Your friend could be the exception to the rule, but I really doubt that's the case, since she clearly remembers what happened that night (as evidenced by HER telling you what happened).

By the way...if I had a gf, and my gf's best friend was drunk, I would never give a massage to the best friend, unless my gf was in the room. Also, if you really loved somebody, would you even get yourself in the situation of being with a drunk girl in a room....

Story has too many red flags for me...

I don't want to oversimplify what seems like such a complicated issue but similar life experiences have given me pretty good insight into this. You are letting feelings get in the way of reality. If you were looking at this from an outsiders perspective, you would see things the same way that most of us (readers) see them. Specifically, you have a bf and friend who betrayed your trust.

Alcohol is not an excuse for doing so. You can certainly forgive them and it would be big of you to do so, but to let them back into your life like this will only lead down a road of further pain for you. She would do this to anyone whom she finds attractive and so would he. It was not a moment of weakness, like eating a piece of cake when your on a diet. If you want cake in your life, you will have cake in your life (perhaps a dumb analogy, I admit it.)

You certainly need to find someone better both as a friend and a lover.

Kudos to you for forgiving your ex and your friend. It must be hard still being with them knowing what happened. My thing is, both people know they were wrong and no matter what happens, you will still never look at them the same. I had a boyfriend that cheated on me and got a girl pregnant and later married her without telling me-now he has the nerve to still keep in touch with the family (apologizing to them and not to me!)

You are right everybody deserves a second chance, but don't let your friend or boyfriend take advantage of your kindness. What they did to you devastated you and if you knew that your friend gets crazy when she's sloppy drunk, why did you trust her to be around your boyfriend alone? I wouldn't trust my friend after that, and not to make an excuse, but when a woman is throwing herself at a guy its hard for him to resist and in the heat of the moment (unless he really respects his relationship) he's not even going to be concerned about messing up-he'll go for whats' being offered!

I think that you need to break up with your man and give yourself time to heal b/c you can't if you're still with your man and friend b/c what was done will always be in your remembrance. Break up with him and let your friend go-if they did this to you, think what else your man might do that will be even more devastating (trust me I know!!!)...You can forgive him, but you will never be fully healed until you get out of the situation and move on with your life. If he loves you and you are meant to be, then he will come back, prove his love, and be a better person. Until then, you have to do what's best for you-LEAVE NOW! (as much as it will hurt, you will feel better in the long run!)

I am sorry that you have to go through this. It can be so emotionally complicated. You have the right to be angry with both of them and hurt that they acted so foolishly.
Even if they didn't have sex, apparently their is still a physical and emotional attraction that is now evident to everyone. Therefore, your relationships will never be the same from here on because denial only hurts everyone.

You will have to make a decision to forgive them and move on. But how do you move on without denial of their actions? You can't. Therefore, you need to be around other positive people to support you and take a break from these individuals. How long have you known your girl friend? Has she ever been competitive like this before?
Personally, I would ask why they got themselves in that situation in the first place where they are drunk, by themselves- without your company, in his house.

Also, whether he was saving himself for you or not, he still made a poor judgment call. If he waited this long to find you, why does he fool around with your friend so soon after being with you?

Just remember, that you are still young and that there are a lot more people out there that you can begin a new relationship with. I would take some time away from them both and figure out how to work a new kind of friendship with these people. From here on, you will always be second-guessing their intentions and that is going to be painful for everyone.

Take a vacation from both and look for a new circle of friendship/support. You can still keep them in your life as friends but look for others to find a new love and best friend.

You need to tell them that you're hurt. Tell them that you want to forgive them, and that you don't appreciate being lied to. I'd like to offer up this quote by Jim Morrison:
" People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bull****. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing.

People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

No one said it was easy. It sounds to me like you're on the road to forgiveness; now make sure that they're willing to help you on that road.