It is after 4 am on a weeknight and I am still awake...luckily we are not working tomorrow. We are leaving for a short weekend vacation later today.
Tonight me and my wife got in a pretty big fight. Actually, fight is not necessarily accurate, we get into heated debates about life in general. But, what it often comes down to in the end is that she is afraid to grow up and bring children into the world with her concerns and issues, along with her troubled past.
Knowing we didn't have to work tomorrow, we both had a few drinks, I can drink a lot more than her. Anyway, I grew up in a well balanced family with a mother and father, my wife did not. Her parents split when she was under 10, she lived with her mother for part and her dad and step mother for the rest. I can only imagine how tough this might have been. I mention this, because at some point in all of our arguments, this comes up.
Anyway, I am writing because I wanted thank those of you who supplied answers to my questions or those of you whose comments I read. Even though I haven't directed any questions to this topic, I want to thank you. Especially 'April' who provided answers to most of my questions and comments to others. All of your input along with taking my own advice for communication worked well tonight. I sat and listened for a good part and calmly supplied my input for other parts.
My wife got drunk tonight and sometimes when she gets drunk she is not nice to me. She is sleeping next to me now. To her credit, her getting drunk is not normal, maybe 2 times a month is all. But when she gets drunk she can get mean towards me at times.
Anyway, I am not looking to write a story, so I will cut to the point, I get very bothered when my wife plays with my buttons like she did tonight, and I told her. We likely had the most open discussion we have ever had in our relationship, as I have urged many of you to try for the same. This was aided by me not directly responding to her complaints or raising my voice to them.
I am not looking for approval or input in this question/comment, I merely wanted to let some of you know that your being here probably helped this guy, Thanks!
As needed, I will supply more information!
Update: A lot of communication between us came from this conversation that night and the many others to follow. Since this time she also learned of my use of this site which also created an initial awkwardness. However, since, our relationship is much better!
10 months ago
I'm just now seeing this and you are already on vacation... lucky duck! I hope you guys are having a great, carefree time!
I think it's great you were able to step back and communicate effectively with your wife. It's so easy to throw reason and logic out the window when you're emotionally involved with someone. I don't want to sound like a parrot so I'll just say I completely agree with everything JenH said.
And thank you for the kind words, it is much appreciated!
I definitely know what you mean and I think we've all been there at one point or another. I'm usually the one that picks the fights after drinking too much, I'm embarrassed to say!
You hit on a key point..."communication worked well tonight. I sat and listened for a good part and calmly supplied my input for other parts"
So many of our arguments are blown out of proportion when fueled by emotional responses rather than logical responses based on what the person is actually saying versus what we THINK they are saying.
I think heated debates are a sign of a healthy relationship. It's when you no longer care what the other person thinks and feels or they no longer care what you think and feel that you are really in trouble!
Thank you for your post and have fun on your vacation!
Absolutely, as Wilde said, "It is always easy to be kind to people about whom one cares nothing." Debates/fights require passion, though it is good to listen too. - 10 months ago
The key to the whole thing is communication; keep it going. Even fighting is healthy, to a certain extent. Its really bad when problems go underground and surface later. Its better to face problems head-on as a couple and work them out!
asked 3 days ago
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