How can I get over his infidelity

I have all of the same questions. Sometimes I feel desperate for the answers, but most of the time, I either try to deal with and manage the pain or push it away temporarily. I have no idea how one would pretend something like this never happened when it did. That is impossible. I am sure any offender would like to make it go away, which is usually the case when they lie about it or try to keep it under wraps. You will never ever forget.

My husband slept with some random nasty loose girl twice (both nights) when he took a trip with one of his scumbag friends that has cheated on his wife hundreds of times. Of course I did not know about the trip and what he did until a year and a half after it happened and a year after we got married. Prior to this, he lied to me incessantly telling me he never cheated. I was always afraid he would cheat (he was a narcissist) but I knew him mostly as a respectable man with morals and who was wonderful to my daughter. Although we had rough times, I never in a million years thought he would do something this horrible to his family. I found out about his indiscretion almost 2 years ago, and like you, this mess pops in my head daily.

How one gets over the hurt depends on the individual and the dynamic of the affair. One of the problems I face is that I still don't understand why this happened, why he did this. Although he tries to explain it, I just cannot wrap my head around it. I tend to obsess about things and I am not a very forgiving person, so I will probably be weathering this sh** storm for quite a while. Plus, I am one of those who needs closure to move past things. That will never happen for me.
If you however,are more forgiving and you understand why it happened, you will probably move past the hurt sooner rather than later. I am not going to lie, there is no easy way to get over something like this. I honestly don't believe I will ever get over it, but I will learn to manage the pain and the huge sense of loss of myself and of a special part of our relationship. Like you, I would never cheat. The thought is repulsive. I have more self worth than that.

People will tell you to get counseling, do things you enjoy etc. I have done all of those and am on meds, but I still do not enjoy life and the things I once loved to do the way I used to. However, I think by still doing things I enjoy, I have managed to keep my sanity. The best advice I can give, as I have the same questions you do is that you should sort out the whole situation and put it in perspective. Try to understand why, and even if you need to know why it happened. Then you can try to pick up the pieces and begin the mending process 1 day at a time. Know that your needs must come first now! Demand nothing less than the best, which is where he failed. This may help. Just understand that you will never ever be the same again, but this does not have to be a bad thing. Try to be positive and take life on one moment at a time.

Really sorry to hear this...I could never give my guy a second chance if this every happened to me. I would think that he would do it again..if he really loved you he would not want to hurt you. I know that you love him dearly but there is someone out there that is just waiting for you and will never do this to you. If my guy took another woman out for coffee or lunch I would end it right then and there.....maybe I am old fashioned but sorry I would never share my guy..how could I find myself intimate with him if he had sex with another woman.....you will find your way

Counseling if you have not done that. Infidelity is the hardest thing to forgive in a relationship. The pain is unbearable and now you question his every move and every word. Think about times he lied. I know, been there. You have to decide if you are going to let this go or if you are going to keep of the pain and anger you have towards him. You are still holding it. Once you decide to do that you will let it pass. But, I have to give you props. I couldn't do it. I proud you did not do the same while you were separated. You are strong and are not on his level. He can pretend because he isn't the one hurting and replaying it over in his head. My suggestion to you is go see a therapist or counselor. There are groups you can join. You need to get it out. Let it go and forgive. You will never forget. But it will get easier. Good Luck!!