Ok I was just talking to my friend, this same friend that I've been rambling all the time about, She's a girl and she's Asexual. Asexual means she has no feelings for guys or girls. This is actually something she tells herself because she actually thinks that love is too much of a problem and also that she doesn't deserve it. She says she knows it's not normal and that she knows it's not normal. There is no reason she's been acting distant from me. She's just a free spirit who's happy by herself. Now this is crazy because I don't feel like I deserve love either, I never had it before in my life and I only fell in love with this girl. The thing is that I think I love her because she doesn't love me back. Which is why I say I don't feel like I deserve love either.
Hence why I like her so much. She will never let her emotions get the best of her and I know it. And Honestly I don't care if I ever have anything more then an emotional relationship with her. She doesn't even think she deserves that though, So I can't touch her can't be there for her, and can't even love her emotionally. I know most people would say give up and move on but I want to see if anyone thinks there is even the slightest chance of hope. The reason she's acted distant is because she doesn't want to lead me on. She doesn't want to hurt herself and me. The chances of this working are infinity to 0.
But I want to tell her that she's my best friend and I love her as such and I would never do anything more to make her uncomfortable but I do love her even as a best friend and that she deserves to be loved.
Would that be a good idea?
Update: Also she doesn't want the physical part or emotional part of a relationship. She says it would take up to much of her life and it annoys her. Also that she doesn't think she even deserves it. When she was explaining it to me she did have feelings for men
10 months ago
Update: But now she says she feels like she's would bother people if she has a boyfriend that gives public affection and that she didn't deserve it. I think she says it because she doesn't want her life to be focused on love and also that she doesn't deserve it.
10 months ago
Update: She thinks she doesn't deserve it. sorry ran out of room.
10 months ago
Okay, first of all, asexuality is real, hard as it is to believe for some people. But it sounds like your friend may be using the asexuality label to hide a fear of commitment or intimacy. It's difficult to say, because you say both that she feels she doesn't deserve love (which to me indicates REALLY low self-esteem), but also that love is too much of a problem and that she's happy by herself (these could indicate that her asexuality is real).
I think you have to weigh both sides of this and see which you think is real. If she really is asexual, it's possible that she would want an emotional relationship without the sexual part. And, since you said you'd be up for that, in that case, go for it. However, it could also mean she doesn't want any sort of relationship, in which case you'd have to accept her feelings on the matter. If it's just a matter of low self-esteem, then I would encourage you to tell her about your feelings for her, and tell her how much she DOES deserve love, because everyone deserves to be loved no matter who they are, what they've done, or anything else.
Long story short, I think the only way you're going to get at the root of this problem is to talk to her frankly. Tell her that you have feelings for her and that you think she -does- deserve to be loved, and ask her if she would be willing to try a relationship. If she isn't, at least you know that the asexuality thing may be real, and I'm sure she'd at least be flattered by your interest. Good luck!
She doesn't want the emotional part either, actually. It's not that its to much of a problem, It's most likely the low self esteem because she didn't say it was to much trouble, she said it takes up to much time and she wants to focuse on other things. - 10 months ago
Answerer
"it takes up to much time and she wants to focus on other things" Personally, I'd read this as she just doesn't want a relationship -now-. Perhaps school or work are consuming so much time that she wouldn't have it to dedicate to a relationship? - 10 months ago
Question Asker
She probably doesn't have a lot of time, but she also is saying she doesn't want me to fall for her. She said If I fall for a normal girl I have a good chance, if I fall for her I don't have a very good chance. Still she can't look at me when we talk ever. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Hmm....not sure what else to tell you then. I'd say it's best to forget about a relationship for now and don't press the issue, but tell her you're going to stick by her as a friend, because she sounds like she needs you for that. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah I was going to say that she's my best friend and I'll be there to support her because I care about her or something around those lines. I wish she could tell me straight but she cares about our friendship and is afraid it'll end if she does. I think. - 10 months ago
What Girls Said
N/A
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 10 months ago
Ok, I've had this myself. She might be the victim of abuse as I was and have skewed views on relationships because of that. But that's the kind of thing you don't have to approach, she needs a therapist. And you just might be infatuated with the fact that she is the unobtainable. Then once, if ever, you finally get her, you won't want her anymore because she will be so reliant on you for having unlocked her code. Either way, both of you are in for some kind of pain, or a really, really long waiting period on your part to see exactly what is up with this chick. Sorry this isn't helpful and is only depressing...
My advice would be to just let go of wanting to change her or "give her love" and find someone else who will be willing to receive your love! Maybe her seeing you happy with someone else will jump start some emotion in her to find someone to open up to. Good luck bro.
If it will make you feel better than do it. It's better than not knowing. If she likes you at all she'll at least take it as a compliment. It could backfire on you though, since she may like being distant and think she is getting to close and then back off. If it were me, and I was comfortable with her I would tell her how I feel, and see what I get back. Youl'll at least know one way or the other. That said, I would do a little reckon first, with some kind of probing questions.
Now I've given you some advice and my opinions because I have asked a question and would like the same back, and to get, you must give. My Topic (s) have gotten no responses and I would really like some opinions and thoughts, so if you would be so kind as to now give me your words of wisdom I would be greatly appreciative. The topic (s) are tittled "Should I contact my X lover" which is what I wrote first, then Since I couldn't bump it, I wrote a shortende version titled "Should I contact her" either would be fine. Thanks.
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 10 months ago
Site Links
About GirlsAskGuys
GirlsAskGuys Widgets
Help Us Improve!
