I'm dating this guy and everything is great or so it seems. We've been dating for one year and I currently am living at his place. At first everything was good and we were like best friends, until I found a letter to an ex girlfriend that talked about how he still wanted to be with her and they could live together. I confronted him and he said the letter was 1year and 3months old, before we started dating.
After finding the letter I'll admit I was curious. I asked him did he still want to be with her and he said no, that he wanted to be with me. I trusted his answer and we continued dating. Its been 1month since I found the letter and exactly the night of my birthday as I'm using the internet on his phone an email pops up saying "ok then". Interested to know what was "ok", I followed the link to the previous emails all from the same girl, which was not his ex. (earlier we had had an argument and I was supposed to be getting my things and going home before we made up and I checked myspace on his phone) In them she talks about general questions, nothing alarming until I came across one that said "i miss you too when can I come over ". I then read the next response of "Ok then" which was just the top of the email, that went- "ok then you can come over my place. I'm going to call you tonight when I get off work to see if you're on your way". The times of the messages were obviously during our argument and making up. Since they seemed very focused I assume she knows nothing about me.
When I found this I began to pack to leave again, but he found me and asked why was I leaving. I told him what I found and said that he could have that new girl or his ex-girlfriend stay with him since they so obviously want to! He then grabbed my bags and begged me not to leave him, saying that he doesn't want them and that he's not playing me. This was yesterday night and I still have the urge to just get my things and leave when I get off work because I don't want my heart broken anymore than it already is. My question is should I believe him?
Update: Thanks all for the advice. We tried to talk it out and although it was calm and we both listened the best conclusion was to part and be friends. I'm moving back home tonight!
10 months ago
No, don't believe him. If he really wants you to stay, you should make some rules for him. He already f***ed up, so what I would do is lay down the law. If he doesn't comply, then leave him, you were going to leave anyway, right? You live with the guy, so there should be no secrets right? Take away his privacy if he doesn't like it leave him, if he asks why your doing what your doing tell him its because of all that stuff you found to make you distrust him. Your in the drivers seat hun, take control. If not, he's going to keep being sneaky behind your back.
Sweetie he's doing what most men do. He is in love with you and he doesn't want to hurt you but at the same time he wants to make absolute sure he is right about his decision. Its not that he is aiming to hurt you its more of a am I doing to right thing or is it puppy love. There are a few solutions.
1) don't be such a girl , talk to him about it with out fighting and say hey. I love you and I know this relationship means a lot to the both of us but I want you to know that if you tell straight up why you are doing this and what is it about me that is making you attracted to another woman. ( no matter what don't get mad at him no matter what the answer is ) and say hey I want this relationship to work and the only way its going to happen if you are straight forward I won't get man. Which is the best way to handle things.
2) you can say hey I don't believe you and unless you tell me what is going on with you and that girl I'm out.
3) you can say hey I need a break but over this break your actions will effect if we get back together. Or
4) why should I believe you? You need a taste of your own medicine bye
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 10 months ago
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