It's been a while since I posted, but here is a bit of back story for anyone who hadn't read my last post:
Deep in love with my best male friend, who is also very shy. I have plenty of proof that he has feelings for me. Body language, wanting to spend lots of time with me in person and on the phone. Many signs.
My original "problems" were figuring out if he likes me as more than a friend. Also, wondering why he hadn't tried to "make a move" before now.
Well, I'm pretty sure I know why now. I believe he still has feelings for his ex. He wants to talk to me (but not over the phone) about "something" that has been on his mind for a really long time. I do know it dates back to BEFORE we met. He won't talk about it around his son. He wants to get whatever it is off his chest and get my opinion. The last time we were together, just hanging out, he said things like "I (he) need to move on", "I (he) can't go on like this", etc. He looked like he was going to be upset, but wasn't in a position to talk because his son was there.
I really feel like this is definitely the issue and it would explain why he has never made a move. He's dated in the past, but has never asked me out, though lately we have been doing "date-ish" things, like enjoying movies at my apartment, planning meals, etc. Nothing major; just watching TV, eating and enjoying each other's company. This leads me to believe he doesn't want to jeopardize whatever we have so far. I'm positive he likes me, but may be confused about what he feels for her. (He still gives "puppy dog eyes", sneaks looks, touching [not in a bad way]. ) I believe he may be idealizing and fantasizing about the good times they had together (not many, from what I've heard from a mutual friend). I did the same thing: waxing nostalgic for what SHOULD have been, and denying the reality of my marriage. MUCH idealizing on my part, so I know what he's going through. It took 6 or 7 years for me to quit doing the same thing. "What should I have done? " "Was it really all that bad? " "What if we got back together? Could we make it work this time? "
He needs to talk it out. I want to be there for him. How can I help him, even though I am biased? Even if he doesn't end up with me, I know it would be unhealthy for him to keep dwelling on "what should/could have been".
GUYS: How should I handle this situation? I can give him personal examples of what I went through. I love him so much. I am willing to wait as long as I need to for him to get past this. I wasn't looking for someone before he came along, so I'm not worried that I'm going to miss out on anyone else. The fact that he didn't try to start a relationship with me says a lot about his character, IMO. (Opinion on that as well? )
Thank you so much for your help. I need advice (and LOTS OF IT) ASAP. We are talking TONIGHT.
Update: Thank you for your response "bigguns". We still haven't had that talk yet, so your advice is still timely. He keeps saying he wants to talk (he brings it up, not me), but he may be getting cold feet. I tell him I am here for him, but I don't push. (Thx! )
5 months ago
Update: Oops. Sorry for double post above. Anyway, I try not to push. He needs to share on his own terms. Not forced confessions or anything. What else can I do to help him through this? I know he is hurting. A mutual friend shared more insight. I'm on track.
5 months ago
Sorry about the lateness of this advice, but hopefully it gives some insight.
It sounds like you are doing exactly what needs doing. Yes, give him personal examples of what you went through. He needs a good friend to help sort out the issues you explain. And yes, him not starting another relationship out of the gate means he is a good guy. Rebounds typically never work out in the end with all the emotional baggage hanging around. His regard for his son is a plus as well. Keeping him out of the loop is definitely the best thing to do. Never introduce your child to a "friend"/date unless there is the serious possibility of that person becoming a parental figure in their life. Continue to help him out whenever and wherever you can, even though you are "biased". You have a "dog in this hunt" too, so do not let your feelings of bias keep you from pursuing this potential mate. Give it time and a little space, but keep him on a short leash. Good luck to you. Update your question since he has had "something" to talk to you about and let us know where things stand. Good luck.
Not enough room to comment above, so more here. When we start to get really close, he backs off a bit. I give him his space. Next time we talk, we're closer. Then, more space. Ad nauseum. Is this normal behavior? We are both about your age. - 5 months ago
Question Asker
And, thanks again for your help. Being out of the loop for so long is making me nervous that I am or am not doing what should be done. First and foremost, I want him to be OK. He is a genuinely good guy who is very confused right now. - 5 months ago
What Girls Said
There are no answers from girls yet. Answers are getting posted all the time so check back soon...or submit your own answer above!
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of months now. I know that half a year prior to us getting together, his ex broke up with him (they...
View Answers
She is unable to let him go. She still has feelings for him, which she's made pretty clear. She contacts him every so often and lately wanted to meet...
View Answers
Site Links
About GirlsAskGuys
GirlsAskGuys Widgets
Help Us Improve!
