Basically, there's this girl I dated for about a year(Shannon). We got along alright but she's kind of clingy and demanding. Last fall she broke up with me because I didn't want to move things along. As any person would be I was kind of ticked off but also sort of relieved. After a month or so I met this awesome girl(Kara) through a friend of mine. She's a little shy but smart and very attractive and she runs her own business and she's cool to hang out with. I was interested but didn't think I had a chance but she ended up asking me out. We hit it off and she seems to really like me but I've been kind of putting her off a little(not answering calls) cause I don't want to be back in that needy kind of situation. She doesn't ride me about not calling but I know it bothers her. She seems pretty independent but she's got a lot going on with the business and 2 kids on her own. I don't have much to offer and frankly I don't know why she's even interested in me so I worry about what she wants from me although she's never mentioned anything serious. Big problem is last week the ex sent me a Happy Valentine's message and like an idiot I messaged back the same to be nice. Of course, Saturday she showed up at my door. With all our old mutual friends there I kind of got roped into going out for the night with them all. She showed up again Sunday night and pretty much set up camp in my living room. I didn't want to be mean about it so I went along with it hoping she wouldn't stay long. Then Kara showed up - awkward. I wasn't quite sure how to act and I don't know if I've mucked up anything or not. I introduced the ex and Kara acted pretty cool about it but I could tell she was like "what's going on here? " When she got a chance she asked me if she should leave or hang around. I said I don't know. I told her Shannon was my ex-girlfriend and I didn't know why she was still here. . She said it was ok if I wanted her to go that it wasn't a big deal. After a couple of times of that I told her yeah maybe she should, that I didn't want the ex to start getting nasty and that I'd call her later. She said "no you won't" but I think she was just poking fun at me from her tone. She was cool about it but the whole time she was there the ex was talking about things that happened Saturday and our friends and acting like she was marking territory or something. I don't know if I'll ever hear from her(Kara) after this. When she was leaving I walked her to the door I told her I'd catch up with her this week. She smiled but she looked so sad. Help. What do I do? Exit longest post on earth.
Of course Kara is sad. What you did probably made her feel like sh*t. But you can fix that very easily. She might not call you, but if you call her a couple of times, I know she'll answer. If you really like Kara, then be honest, and explain everything. Then give her a lot of reassurance of how you really feel. As for your ex, do you really want her out of your life? Or do you still have feelings for her? a little?
Easy , tell the Ex to move on and that you will only hang out with her with the other friends not only you and her because it is disrespectful for your current girlfriend, and you tell Kara that you told Shannon this and that she is the one you wanna be with, If shannon calls you answer in front of Kara and tell her I am with my girlfriend and Busy sorry can't hang out with the friends today, make Kara feel special like you would take your distances from Shannon for me because she matters to you.its not hard to do it .You have to be honest and up front with a women only then will a women really put her trust in you and not feel threatened by other women.
If you are not at all interested in this woman (Shannon) then it's time to get MEAN! I mean what kind of woman just takes it upon herself to stay at her ex's house anyway. I would call (Kara) and tell her the whole situation and GET RID of the other!
Well, what kind of a man are you letting an ex walk over you like that with the price of losing a girl you like? sorry if I am harsh but I think if you like the girl you must call her and stop over thinking like a woman here ;)
The only thing that you can do is to cease all contact with your ex and convince Kara that you really like her. Calling more often and answering her calls would be a good step. Most girls with confidence and who are independent don't stay around for a guy that doesn't seem interested and you hardly answering her calls may be coming off as not that interested to her. After seeing your ex over your place and then telling Kara to leave she's probably thinking that you don't care at all. Your ex has not right to impose like that and you have to learn to set her straight ASAP or risk losing what sounds like a genuinely nice girl. Good luck!
Honestly. If you really liked Kara your ex would have never "setup camp" in your place. You aren't dating her so she should have no right to just barge in and do that. As for Kara you need to step it up. She sounds wonderful. Do you want her or the one who kicked you to the curb and stressed you out. Happiness is important.
I agree with ever answer on here so far. You need to pop that thick head of yours out of you know where and start acting like a man. For christs sake, YOU"RE IN YOUR 30'S! Grow up. Your ex should never have been there to begin with. If you showed up at Karas house and her ex had set up camp and then she said you should go, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? If I were her I would be long gone and not looking back. Who needs that crap in their life
Wow that's pretty crazy. I think it was up to you to tell your ex to leave. I mean she did come into the place and "setup camp" you let her. You have to make up your mind. Choose which one you are happier with and let the other go. You basically set yourself up for this situation. If you do choose Kara you will probably have to do some heavy convincing that you really do want to be with her and that you won't go back to your ex.
Very well said. I think he is confused too. Or he just wants both? But he definitely has a lot of making up to do, if he chooses to be with Kara. - 3 months ago
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