Just a quick recap of my situation: I'm married and I have a guy friend I thought might "like" me. I hadn't really been thinking about it that much lately, but just this afternoon my girlfriend asked him a few questions to see if my suspicions might be accurate.
Basically, she asked him if I wasn't married would he consider dating me? She said he told her that he hadn't really thought much about it and that he's not sure what kinds of things I'm interested in doing (like fishing, hiking, stuff like that). So he didn't say "hell, no, I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole" but he didn't say, "yeah, I'd totally date her".
He just kind of beat around the bush with the answer. Well, here's where the conversation got weird and she and I both are trying to figure out WHY he would say something that he said to another friend of ours just two days ago. Basically he asked a mutual guy friend of ours (who actually knows about the situation) if he thought he'd be able to steal me away from my husband. Our friend never told me about this conversation, so I'm wondering how the subject even came up and if it was meant to be a joke.
My friend is a really nice guy and he's never disrespected me. He's always nice to me and I don't think he would say something like that to mock or make fun of me. He told my girlfriend about this comment and I'm wondering, if he wouldn't consider being more than friends with me, why would he tell her this? I'm sure he figured she would tell me what he said. So now I'm really confused. Do guys make these kinds of comments about friends that they wouldn't ever consider dating? Could he really have just been joking? We hung out today like we always do and he seemed unusually happy and fidgety and he just talked and talked. I couldn't get any of my studying done. I'm so confused and I don't know how to interpret what he said. It just doesn't make any sense. HELP!
You don't mention whether you value your marriage, or if you value what marriage is. If you value marriage, especially if you like the one you have (did you value it before you met this guy), then its simple, get this guy out of your heart! If that means being more of a distant friend or ending the friendship, then so be it.
If he had really never thought about it much then he would have not said what he did two days earlier. He has eyes for you but probably was caught off guard when your friend asked. The second part came after he realized that she would share what he said.
Is it that he really likes you or does he see you as a challenge to conquer. Sadly, conquering a challenge and then leaving is common among men. Even if he really likes you in the right ways there is little chance for a relationship if you are stolen out of another one, because hell never trust that the same would not happen to him, unless he has an inflated ego.
If you don't like your marriage, then examine your values and decide if you want to stay or not independently from your feelings about this particular guy. How do you stay honest with yourself in this, vow (if a vow is meaningful to you) that if you become divorced youll wait for someone different before dating again. This will avoid both the being a conquered challenge and lack of trust problems as well.
If you marriage needs work, see if your husband is willing to make any reasonable changes, then give him a chance, unless there's abuse involved. Some changes don't happen or won't last, but some will.
I came clean to my husband about this issue. I definitely DO value my marriage, it's just that we're so busy and haven't been spending much time together, so I guess I've been filling that void with childish crushes. We're trying to get back on track now. - 9 months ago
What Guys Said
What Girls Said
N/A
(Age:30 to 35)
When: 9 months ago
If you are married, what does it matter?! It sounds like you are interested in this guy. If you're happily married, I would suggest forgetting this whole incident. If you're not, get a divorce then worry whether some guy might or might not like you. I'm sorry but this whole situation sounds very childish. I would also suggest to concentrate on your studying, and tell the friends to leave if you can't.
(Age:Over 45)
When: 9 months ago
(Age:30 to 35)
When: 9 months ago
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