Hatred of women? Why?
All my life I have been afraid to approach women. Now however I have noticed a change in myself. Instead of mumbling, stuttering, and looking away from girls, I am looking down on them. I seem to have lost my inability to talk to them and replaced it with hatred.
One example is when I was working on a project with a girl. I kept on insulting her in my mind and I treated her like she was dumber then a box of rocks. She was not ugly either, nor was she mean. I realize this is wrong every time I do it, but it comes as naturally as blinking, I can't stop myself.
I have never been with a girl, and my friends have accused me of being gay. My own family even said "if you're gay, its okay we can accept that." I am not gay, and those accusations annoy the heck out of me.
I'm getting tired of being under pressure to be in a relationship. I also think my standards are too high. I have been asked out by a few girls, but I turned them down because they are just not attractive. I know its wrong to judge someone by looks, but when an overweight goth with a lisp asks you out when you have no clue who they are... I can't accept it.
I think my fear/hatred of women may come fron me being raised my whole life with women who had very short tempers. I never had a father figure in my life and my mother has more mental illnesses than can be counted on two hands. I had to threaten suicide once because my mother was screaming so bad I couldn't get my word in. Instead of her listening she signed my up with a theripist.
My theripist understands that I am NOT suicidal, and all we talk about is my family problems. I can't bring up my problem with women because its way too embarrassing. that's why I am here.
To define my views of women more precisely... Here:
-I think they laugh behind my back all the time. I constantly try and make myself immune to embarrassment by cleaning my clothes, body, hair, possessions, etc.
-I think that they think they're better than everyone else.
-I avoid contact with them for fear they will insult me the first chance they get.
-I stay quiet when a woman is in a group talk for fear that I might say something displeasing or inadequate.
-They are sluts... I see women with a different guy every week. The unfaithfulness appeals me.
-They try and manipulate people through seduction. A friend of mine got 5 grand stolen because of this.
-No matter how pretty they are, I see them all as a challenge to think with my head and not my... Other head. I think everything they do is deceptive.
Anyway... I really want a solution to my fear and hatred of women. I don't mean anything bad and if this offends you I'm sorry. I want nothing more than a relationship... Even if it is sexless. I just want companionship. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
What's Your Opinion?