Am I being ungrateful?
So basically I just finished high school and I have just gone through a wind-whirl of emotions that have got me thinking. I'm about to start a rant, so here it goes:
I never liked my high school. I always thought that I was being unfairly treated and at times bullied (I was judged which made people wary of me). As my high school came to an end I began dreading the once anticipated idea of leaving school. I realized that I had the best friends in the world that I should never take for granted (not that I ever did). However I then read/heard stories of people who were bullied, and I realized that it was never like that for me. I was not bullied like others were and just slightly alienated. I also realized that if I did any of the thing (like acting myself) in other school I probably would have been bashed. Basically I began to respect my school and became highly grateful to be apart of it (I go to a selective school, where everyone is more focused on their studies and grades rather than status). This just got me thinking whether I have been ungrateful about other things in my life. Like a few years ago I won this really prestigious dance award and my sis got me some very amazing (but unwanted) publicity. I didn't really do anything about, just kinda went with it. However I still distinctly remember my sis saying that I was very ungrateful of everything she has done. I'm really not sure if I was being ungrateful, I mean I did say Thank you and bought her a present, I wasn't really sure what else she wanted.
Anyway that was not the question, my question is am I being ungrateful of my mum? Now don't take this the wrong way, I absolutely love my mum, I just don't think I show it enough (or the way I should). My parents are divorced and it has left a hefty toll on my mum. She was never happy in her marriage, yet she has it ingrained in her to always be with her husband (it was her identity, something I beginning to realize the weight of). I think that I have been unnecessarily mean to my mum, like I can't stand my mum saying too much bad things about my dad. The thing is I'm the only one in the family who understands both sides (plus I hate conflict), so I can't choose sides but have an objective opinion of the whole situation (both approached the relationship wrong). I would always end up screaming/yelling at my mum to stop, as she wouldn't stop despite me asking numerous times in a soft voice. The situation kinda got worse do to my high school situation, my mum would only every talk about my education and tutoring. After have about 8 years continuous tutoring I just got sick and tired of it, especially since my mum never takes no for an answer. I have basically become very hostile towards my mother and am now trying really hard to mend it. I am trying to show affection, but every time we make some progress we are always pulled back. I just don't know what to do. I desperately need help and need to know if I'm just being an ungrateful selfish bitch.
What's Your Opinion?