Should I break up with him? He talks about/to his ex a lot!
Here is the situation...my boyfriend of almost 7 months is still talking to two of his ex-girlfriends. One I understand completely...they dated for 3 years in high school then parted ways around the time of graduation and now after 4 years they're friends...he only talks to her very occasionally. The other, a girl he dated for about a year he met online and is on the opposite side of the world...Hong Kong. They only actually saw each other in person twice...once she came here to see him, and once he went to visit her. Now it's been 2 or so years since they've dated they still talk...he's still interested in her, he told me this when we first started dating and about every week he brings her up...it use to be all the time. He even has post cards on his night stand from her still lying around. I don't think she's still interested in him. I think she saw him as more of a play thing because she's a few years older than him, is a lot wealthier than him, and lives on the opposite side of the world. I still feel like I'm competing against her as she's a fashion designer and rich, though I wouldn't say she's prettier, though we are complete opposites. She's Chinese while I'm Irish looking...I got the long red hair blues eyes thing going for me. But I feel I have much more in common with him I'm in the military...same as him, and do the same job as him. We make about the same income and we share a lot of things in common. Him and the Chinese girl don't...they have quite a few differences.So my question is now you know all that (and thank you SO SO SO much for reading this) is what should I do? I've talked to him before about talking about her and talking to her, but he still does. So should I break up with him or not?
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Most Helpful Opinion
Well I get the idea you don't like it much. (and I can't see why he has to have postcards lying around).well if youve talked to him about it before and he doesn't listen. Then say you want a break. See how he reacts. Either he's gonna feel sad about it and gonna rethink the situation or he won't respond that much. (meaning maybe his feelings are somewhere else.) Of course he might get angry, but that ain't really your problem. I think you like him so don't dump him totaly before youve tested him-
What Guys Said 2
The conversing may not be an issue. In fact, it's a sign of maturity that a man can maintain a friendly relationship with an ex. The most important thing is that he's not sharing an emotional bond with them that he's not sharing with you. If he tells them things about his feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc that he's not sharing with you then you have a problem and he's not in your relationship completely. I would recommend making an effort to befriend these women. They're not your competition. You win by default. So make these girls your friends. They can probably give you all kinds of insight into how he used to be and how he's changed. And also, his reaction to your befriending them may give you some additional insight. If he gets all uncomfortable and discourages it... you may have a problem.
IMO ur relationship might need to go thru a rough patch... its pretty obvious that he doesn't value you much, otherwise he wouldn't be talking abt other girls with u... If this really bothers you (duh!) then you need to make him realize that you are THE most important one for him... and not some two-time-seeing-chinese-bitch... :D
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