How do I fight the urge to try to get back with my newly single ex?

After a lot of praying my ex and the girl he bailed on me for broke up. LOL I haven't spoken to him since December 23rd, 2015. The first couple of weeks I had to fight myself every day not to contact this boy. There is nothing I can say or do to make him come back. If I want him to come back I have to let him do that on his own and keep living my life. I've done TOO MUCH trying to keep him last fall. I can't be the only one fighting for the relationship. But I'M SO TEMPTED to reach out to him now! He claims the reason he and I aren't together is because we didn't talk for 3 weeks (LONG STORY, but I have a valid reasons that are too long to get into.) and here we are again where I'm forcing myself not to talk to him! The supposed thing that destroyed our relationship to begin with!

I know what you're thinking! He just got out of a relationship --- he doesn't wunna get back into another one! BS! This is the kind of guy that gets into new relationships QUICK. Which also makes me want to hurry up and get him back in my arms before some other girl gets him!

  • Don't embarrass yourself like that girl!
    Vote A
  • YOLO!
    Vote B
  • You're better off letting him come to you.
    Vote C
  • No guy likes being chased.
    Vote D
  • Move on, best case scenario he comes back, worse case scenario you meet someone better.
    Vote E
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you need to heal your bleeding heart no matter what you do. Monitoring your ex's relationship status, hoping for him to break up, is just excruciating torture for yourself, the height of masochistic behavior.

    The problem as I see it is that you've distilled your primary life focus to just this one man. That's not healthy even if you were in a relationship with him, to obsess and devote so much interest to him. It's easy to do when young, and it works out well in Hollywood films and fairy tales. It usually doesn't work so well in real life.

    You have to kind of balance everything. People in healthy relationships usually have a balance of love for their career, their family, hobbies, and their love interests. They absolutely love their partners, but they balance some level of independence (e. x., to avoid turning into needy pseudo-stalkers).

    So I really recommend healing that heart first and foremost. The first priority is you, not him. A mortally wounded person can't think straight -- you're intoxicated.

    You can do this by just falling in love with other things, like spending time with a best friend, finding a new interest/hobby, joining some new kind of club/school (dance, oil painting, whatever), take a trip to a new and exotic location, reinvent yourself (makeover, e. g.), anything. All of these opportunities are out there to heal that bleeding heart, but you have to pursue them to heal.

    I really think you should move on and stop torturing yourself, to find a person who feels as strongly about you as you do about him instead of hoping to change someone who couldn't do that the first time around. Someone young and good-looking like yourself shouldn't have the hardest time doing that. But in any case, I really think you have to focus on "you" time -- you're just keeping that wound open and re-opening it by keeping yourself in a comfort zone where you have little else to do but focus on him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I hear ya girl, been there, done that! I would wait to see if he contacts you, because if he misses you and regrets breaking up then he will contact. I dunno about the whole not contacting him for 3 weeks, but I'm sure you had a valid reason and if that's the only thing then it sounds more like an excuse. Wait & see is my advice, otherwise you will be going through this for a second round and will be not only hurt but pissed that he did this again to you. If he quickly rebounds then that says something about him being insecure/needy and that does not make for a healthy relationship.


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What Guys Said 4

  • 99% will just breakup again for the same reasons

  • Move on. Even if he switches girlfriends that fast, consider that many of them might be just rebounds.

  • YOLO is dead.

  • In this case the grass really IS greener on the other side.


What Girls Said 3

  • He left you for another girl?

    That tells me all I need to know. Do not bother with him. He doesn't deserve any effort from you. He couldn't appreciate you then so he's not good enough.

  • Do not get back with him! You deserve better. It's a good chance that he'll do the same thing to you again and if you get back with him, you're giving him the message that his behavior was okay in the past, and it's not. Find someone who is faithful to you. It's better to be single than to be miserable in a toxic relationship.

  • Let yourself heal and think straight before you get into anything you'll later regret. If in a few months, for me closer to a year, you still feel the same way then weigh your options. I know now that God was looking out for me when me and my boyfriend broke up, so I would say wait. You also have to question, if he broke up with you for one girl would he do it again? Do you want to go through that again if he does? Also, that valid reason you didn't talk to him for that long would you do that to him again? If it was that serious of a problem that's also something to look at.