How do I deal with my ex boyfriend who won't stop trying?

My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago due to some things that he did. We have broken up and gotten back together too many times to count. I don't know if I'm just not strong enough or what, but I keep going back. This last time we broke up I've been really determined for this to be it. He has done so many unforgivable things and I keep taking him back. He has been sending me a text or two every day. Just saying he misses me etc. I feel bad but I just dont reply and go on with my day. Today he texted me and I replied. I don't know why but I did, and we had a casual, short conversation when he texted "come outside I'm here". So I went out and we just had a short conversation then he left. He's been texting me and I agreed to be his friend. I told him that he has to just act like a friend and can't be checking my phone if I get a notification or cuddling or hanging out with me everyday. He agreed and said he'd treat it like a friendship. But we've been texting and he keeps saying he wants hugs and that he woke up and almost cried because he misses me so much, saying "I love you" etc. I don't know what to do, I agreed to try and be friends, so I don't want to just turn around and change my mind since he's obviously hurting. But at the same time I'm annoyed that he's acting so hurt when he chose to do what he did, over and over after so many chances and warnings. I'm never good at being friends with exes because it makes it hard for me to get over them. And I'm such a quiet person, I'm not good at being assertive. When he keeps persisting, I can't tell him no over and over without sounding mean and hurting him more. He is very controlling and Im worried I won't be able to meet or date any new people if I want to in the future. So I got myself into this mess and have no idea how to get out. Does anybody have any idea how to get out of this without being harsh or coming off as mean? I dont want to hurt him more, but he's so persistant it's hard. Thank you!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Are you missing him at all? Do you feel 100% confident you did the right thing? IS he willing to try and fix his problems and change?

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    • Of course I miss him a little bit, but he won't change. For example- I'm an insecure girl and he knows this, however he has a habit of pointing out girls he thinks are pretty and talking about sex with them. I've tried to talk to him about it and he always dismissed it, finally I was tired of it and told him I can't be with him if he's doing this constantly. He made a huge deal about how much he misses me and can't lose me and promised he would stop. I agreed to date again and two days later he was doing it again. This keeps happening- with different things he promises to work on or never do again. I've learned my lesson and I know it won't change. I just don't want to be harsh and hurt him more

    • Girl, drop him. He probably does care about you, at least a little bit, but you need to be firm with your boundaries. You've already told him behavior you would and wouldn't accept from him but your actions need to show that you're serious. I understand that you don't want to hurt him, but if you keep taking him back and letting him treat you how you do not want to be treated, he's going to keep doing it.

    • Oh crap this was 5 months ago... I'm super late

What Girls Said 2

  • This happened to me, i was bad at being assertive too until my ex boyfriend started stalking me and scaring me. At that point i didn't care anymore about being mean and ignoring him. Everytime you answer your boyfriend messages you give him hope that if he is just persistent enough he will win and you will give in to what he wants. What do you want? It seems you dont want to be with him anymore, so you need to honour yourself. The way to get rid of him is to ignore him, he knows he can control you so he probably won't give up easily.

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  • I think with your record of not being able to hold firm on your break up you should stop all contact for a while. I know he will be hurt by it but if I understand correctly he is the one who got himself into this mess. As of right now he is probably thinking if I just sweet talk her she will ale me back. Because that's what has happened time after time. U have to block his number and tell him u jut need some time to heal and that he shouldn't come around fr a while. When u tell him this he will try to keep the convo going and beg u to change your mind. So say what u need to say and end the conversation so his tactics don't work. If u truly wanna be done I just don't see how it's possible if you continue to communicate. Ad I don't know what he has done but if he keeps doing whatever it is u broke up w him fr then he obviously doesn't truly love you and he thinks u will just keep forgiving him. Good luck.

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