Me and my ex boyfriend broke up Afew days ago. We'd been together for about 11 months. When he broke up with me he said he loved me and still wanted to be with me but it wasn't right and we'd had quite a lot of arguments towards the end of the relationship. He thought I needed to get help because I might have a mental illness. So he broke up with me but said we might be together again one day in the future. After the break up I wrote him a letter saying how I felt and that he was still my best friend and I was going to get help and I still had hope for us. And he was very grateful for the letter. I have asked him a couple of times how he is and he said "I'm fine" but it sounded like he was lying. He sounded annoyed aswell and I don't know why. It's always me that's initiated the first contact and it's like he doesn't want to talk to me. He hasn't messaged me at all either but I just don't know why he's basically ignoring me and sounding like he doesn't want to speak to me. I don't know what to do. He said we could be together in the future but I miss him so much and I just want to know whether we can be or not because it's giving me false hope and I don't know what to do. Why is he acting like this and not speaking to me much? Why does he sound annoyed? Why isn't he messaging me? Will he want to be with me again after a while?
Most Helpful Guy
You've probably seen these cliche kind of scenes in films where the owner of an animal is trying to begrudgingly set it free, and he says something like:
1. "Go over there boy".
2. "No, over there. Don't stay with me, you're free now, go."
3. "I said get! Don't follow me!"
And this is all futile and he has to then be really mean and start throwing rocks at the poor creature to ward it off.
Breaking up is unfortunately often like this tragic scenario, especially if the victim of the break up continues to pursue the other.
You also tend to diminish your chances (however slim) of getting back together if you're like that animal in this cliche scene always trying to follow the owner. If you push him/her to a point where he/she has to throw the analogical rock at you, start treating you really coldly to give a strong hint, it likewise cements their feelings of shutting you out of their lives in stone.
So often the best course following a break up, whether your desire is to move on or cling onto any glimmer of a chance of getting back together again, is to distance yourselves.
Your heart is currently bleeding and you're not going to find healing in the person who broke your heart in the first place. You have to heal yourself on your own or with the help of others, not your ex. You have to fill that hole left in your heart with something new -- a new kind of love (it doesn't even have to be a person, just for something that really motivates you). And that will be the best course of action no matter what your expected outcome.2