I have a chance to run into my ex this weekend, should I do it or stay away?

I miss my ex girlfriend terribly. When we broke up it was because she was (in her words) "not sure this was what she wanted at this point in her life". Feeding me lines like "You're perfect on paper" and "My heart just isn't in the right place to love right now". We were LITERALLY each others best freinds all of last year, and she promised me we would remain friends. We still talked for about 2 weeks after the break up, then she blocked me on FB and unfollowed me on InstaGram. Then a couple weeks after that she deleted the pictures of us on IG (yes, I still check her IG daily). There has been no contact now for almost two months, and all I can do is think about her, where she is, what she's doing, who she's hanging out with, all the typical "What the hell happened? I miss her so much" actions.

I have two questions:

First, if she promised me we would be friensd, and told me I was her best friend in the small town we live in, why the hell is she completely ignoring me and erasing me from her life? That's not the actions of a friend...

Second, I got a hold of a friend to stop by their art shop this wekend, and he told me "Just a heads up, she will be here have some artwork done." I saw this as an opportunity to "run in to her". Should I take it, or just stay the heck away for now? I want nothing more than to see her, and talk to her about us, and why she's erasing me like what we had never happened, but I'm affriad it will just make matters worse.

Thanks for ANY help you can offer.
-JS


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I did the same thing, I erased someone out of my life because I know they were bad for me and it hurt me to do so but I knew it was for the best. Just a heads up , she really doesn't want to see you, she's trying to move on

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    • Thank you for your comment! I can understand what you're saying, but with my ex, she literally told me I was "the best boyfriend she's ever had, the timing just wasn't right", and she said I was "really good for her and helped her through a lot of rough times, but she just doesn't feel 'love" for me right now". It just seems so odd to me that she would do this... we ended on really good terms, her reasons for not wanting to continue the romance seemed legit, we really were great friends while dating, and she promised that we would remain friends after. Then, after still talking for two weeks post-break up, she just decided it was "best for us both" to take a complete break from each other, then erased me from every social media outlet. She said it "annoys" her to see my name come up in any feed. I just don't understand how anyone can throw away someone they called their best friend just because there was also some good sex involved... Do you have any further helpful words? Thank you!!

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    • I do still want to be with her, but I don't think running in to her right now is the way to do it. I think you are right that at this point in time she would only hurt me further. I feel as though we may have met at the wrong time in our lives, and the universe is trying to tell me "stop bro, just let it be". I am going to resist the urge and am going to find something else to do tomorrow. Thank you soooo much for your advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

    • You are very welcome, Im sorry this happened to you, you seem like a really nuce guy. Best of luck xx

Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel like I'm somewhat experienced in devastating heartbreaks, as my first love broke up with me while engaged. We went to a bar one night with friends, and I found her in the corner with a guy flirting with her. I had this insecurity that was building up and I just exploded, got in a brawl with the guy, and got kicked out of the bar. My male friends dragged me out, but immediately I felt feelings of remorse, I wanted to apologize to my fiancee and the guy. Yet my male friends insisted against it and, out of all places, they took me to a topless bar to try to make me feel better. My mood got worse until I stormed out and punched a wall so hard that it shattered my hand. My whole arm was purple the next day, and I eventually went to the hospital and had to be treated for multiple fractures.

    I came home to our apartment the next day, she saw my purple hand and arm and asked me about it and I told her, and then she left me. She said she was terrified of me and didn't know me anymore.

    The worst part of the story: I left my cell phone in that bar. I recovered it later and found all these messages from her saying she loved me and missed me. And that was the end of that. She e-mailed me months later saying she missed me. I became overjoyed and asked to meet up, and then she replied that she couldn't see me. This was pretty much the end.

    I was brokenhearted for years following that, and went into a total life of debauchery, alcohol, loose women, trying to find that feeling of being in love again. It was all misery. I watched her on social networks, would check my cell phone every day hoping she might message me, and this went on for over a year.

    The thing is, for all heartbreaks I tend to kind of be a broken record. You have to heal your bleeding heart, even if you want her back. A wounded animal is unattractive to no one. I had to fall in love again to fill that empty void in my heart again, and it wasn't with a person initially, I fell in love with interests like creating synth music. I reinvented myself, changed my fashion, got a whole new set of friends, networked like crazy, went traveling to new places, etc. etc. Eventually I had things motivating me to wake up and do other things, and that's when I was finally starting to heal.

    Years later, I found my wife through a friend of a friend of a friend. And, funnily enough, on my bachelor's party, I ran into that first love in that same bar. She wanted me back, but it was too late -- I had moved on.

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    • The thing is, she wanted me back because she noticed how much I changed, that I healed and had moved on. And I think moving on is your best chance. You have to find things to think about other than her, even if your goal is to win her back.

    • This is also a very indirect answer to the question (sorry about that). But I noticed it's still coming from that obsessive mindset. If bumping into her is a huge deal to you, like something you've anticipated and waited for all this time, the odds of making a favorable impression are poor. You might solidify her stance to shut you out of her life, as she attempted by blocking you all over the place. If it's not a big deal, and she wasn't some obsession on your mind, your odds go drastically up. But it sounds like she is a big deal, and I would recommend passing and focusing on healing your heart, falling in love with something else first (doesn't even have to be someone else).

    • Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I'd like to PM you privately if you don't mind. Your advice and story you were willing to share was very helpful, and it sounds like a lot of what I'm battling you have been through. If it cool for me to message you, click Follow on my profile and shoot me a quick hello. Cheers!

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What Girls Said 4

  • I say if u wind up going u act like u have moved on and are totally happy without her. If there is any chance of anything even a friendship then this method will work. The reverse psychology method.

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    • When the time is right, we will see each other again, but I'm going to let it happen organically. When that day comes I am going to do everything in my will power to act as though all is fine & dandy, even if it still is not. But I've decided to not force running in to her. It may be taken the wrong way or seem like an act of desperation. Thank you for your comment!!

    • Good idea. Believe me. I know it's Sooo hard to pretend you don't miss and want someone when you really do. I am not very good at it. Lol but I know it works. Lemme know how you do when you finally see her.

  • Go for it try and make it look like a coincidence and i think she should tell u hats wrong its ur right :(
    U know bad things happen and some people for some reasons can't keep their promises but u should be strong even if u miss her u will get over it someday , and meet someone better if she is not for u. So keep ur head up man ^^

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  • You obviously still have really strong feelings for this girl! So it is worth a go to at least try and repair your friendship with this girl. Go get her!!

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  • Honestly, I've said that I wanted to be friends with my ex's when I had no intention of following through with that. During a breakup you want to say whatever you can to avoid issues. You can go to bump into her and talk but I wouldn't bring up your relationship. You'd be coming off as too strong. Just talk to her like you used to and maybe she'll be reminded of why she liked you in he first place. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • If you can't emotionally handle the fact the she's your ex, then it's best for you to stay away. As you say, you miss her something terrible. You enjoy torturing yourself much?

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    • I don't enjoy it at all, but I still do it, on the regular. Acceptance, although is really the only option, is bar far the most difficult thing for me...

  • go for it !!!

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